Back home • boyxboy

Pain

As I was walking out the doors of the school, I felt someone tug me backwards.

My first thought was ; max.

But, it turned out to be-

"Benji, let me give you my snap chat." Milo said.

I huffed a breath of relief, and handed him my unlocked phone.

He added himself and gave my phone back to me.

I honestly had almost forgot he wanted to be my friend. It felt like a dream since these past few days have been utter hell.

I turned around to walk back out of the school doors.

"Hey, wait. Do you have anything to do after school?" He asked.

I shook my head no.

"Okay, we should hang out at your house then. I'm bored." He said.

I laughed.
"If you're so bored why don't you just go to your own house." I said, as we both walked out of the doors.

"Nah, plus, we can bond benji." He said goofily, and ruffled my hair.

I defensively smoothed it back in place, then shoved him.

"Alright prick, we'll go to my house."
-

When I walked into my house past the kitchen (where my mother happened to be) her eyes were wide.

"Hello benji, who is this?" She asked, smiling wide looking at milo.

I prayed to god she didn't think I liked him or that he was my new boyfriend or something.

I sighed.
"Mom, this is my friend, Milo." I said, gesturing my hand to him.

He gripped his back pack straps with both of his hands, and tilted his head up smiling.

"Damn right I am. Nice to meet you." He said, reaching a hand out to shake hers.

She shook his and smiled.

"Well, milo, what do you like to snack on? I've got gold fish, I can make popcorn. Anything you like." She said.

I shimmied off my bag , letting it hit the floor, and walked over to the cabinet to find my own snacks.

Milo broke into a grin.
"Really?" He asked excitedly.

My mom laughed.
"Well of course, I wouldn't want you to starve while you're over. Feel free to search the the cabinet and fridge." She said.

He immediately hopped out of his chair, and went to the cabinet.

His eyes landed on Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

"Holy shit. You guys have the best stuff."

He took the box and poured some into a bowl.

"That's benji's doing, always asking me to buy him junk food. You guys have fun, I'm going to online shop for some kitchen rugs." She said, giving me a two finger solute, and exiting the room.

I sat down at the island and unwrapped my granola bar.

"Your mom is nice." Milo said, through the sloshing sound of chewing.

"Yeah, she is. I'm lucky to have her. Though I used to be a real prick to her." I said sighing, and biting into my granola bar.

Milo tilted the bowl to empty the milk out of it, then looked at me.

"You were?" He asked.

"Yeah, I wasn't just a dick to you, it was to everyone. I'm still sorry about that, by the way."

He shook his head.
"Don't be. I forgave you already. How was your mom when you came out? Nice right?" He asked.

I nodded, swallowing more of my snack.

"Yeah, she was. I'm super lucky, I'm so glad I have her. Not only did I come out as gay to her but I also had a boyfriend I told her about." I said.

He rose his eyebrows.
"You did?" He asked.

I nodded.
"It was over the summer, I was gone the whole time at camp. I can't remember what it was called."

"Ick. I hate summer camps." He said, shivering.

"No no, it was nice. Everyone pretty much got their own house. There were games and activities." I said.

He rose his eyebrows and then blinked.
"Benji-, did you go to Lancaster?" He asked, almost choking on his own air.

I nodded.
"Oh yeah, that's what it was called." I said, crumbling the wrapped and throwing it away.

"No fucking way! So you guys are like rich? I mean damn I should've known." He said.

I just shrugged.
"I guess so, but I don't see how it really matters. You know?" He said.

He nodded.
"So, this boyfriend. How was he like? How come you guys aren't together now?" He asked.

It honestly should've felt like he was prying.
But everything just felt so natural with him. He had a radiant energy, and I just felt like anything I said he would understand, and reply in his own sarcastic way.

"His name was jorge." I said. And although I didn't mean for it to my voice cracked over his name.

"He was my age. He had curly blonde hair, and he has a really cute-" I stopped.

Milo looked at me, it's like he saw all of the hurt I went through.

"-Spanish accent." I finished.

"Excuse me, for a second." I said, rushing to the bathroom and closing the door.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

And all I could imagine was when jorge would walk in while I was brushing my teeth and smile at me through the mirror.

I turned the faucet on and splashed my face with water.

Honestly sometimes it feels like I'll forget about him, and I'll be okay and I'll find someone else or just be happy on my own.

And other times I feel like my world is ending every time I think about that smile.