Back home • boyxboy

jorge

The bell rang for lunch to be over, Milo and I said our goodbyes.

"Are you sure you don't want to come to my house? I don't want your mom to-" I looked at his bruised eye again. He winced practically every time he blinked.

"-do that again." I said. He shook his head.

"If I don't come home today, she'll make it worse." He said, a weak smile present on his face.

I nodded.
"Maybe one of these nights you can stay over." I said.

He nodded.
"Yeah. Maybe." Then walked out of the school.

Meanwhile I was still a mess in the head. Xowie had left me wondering what was so bad that jorge did, that my mind had come up with crazy conclusions.

Maybe Anderson found a way to come back and made him block me . Then he probably assaulted him again. I'll drive my ass up there right now if he did.

But I realized, I had to calm down. Me worrying about what he did won't make it any better when I find out what it is.

All I can really do is hold onto a sliver of hope that he still wants to be with me.

And let me tell you, that sliver is about as big as my pinkie nail.

I got all of the stuff out of my locker and into my bag, then walked to my car.

I got in the drivers seat and started it , and then someone knocked on my window.

"Ben?" I asked.

Ben smiled, I rolled my window down.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, pitting my sunglasses on so I don't get blinded by the sun on the way home.

He blushed , then shook his head.

"I was just wondering if ,if maybe you wanted to hang out later tonight?" He asked.

I bit my lip.
I don't know. What if whatever jorge did puts me in a bad mood?

I shook the thoughts off. I can't think like that. So I nodded.

"Okay. Text me whenever." He said, and handed me a note with his number on it.

It was cute. People don't really write notes anymore.

I smiled and nodded. He turned to walk away.

I rolled my window up, and drove home. Trying to contain my nerves and not wind up in a wreck.

-

When I got home I was too nervous to eat. But the obvious sounds my stomach was making tipped my mom off.

"Benji, it sounds like a blasted lion! Eat something." She said.

I shook my head.
"I can't mom. I'm too nervous." I said. She drew her brows together.

"How come?" She asked, coming over and sitting with me on the couch.

"Well, Um, you know how jorge blocked me?" I asked.

She nodded slowly.

"Well, I think I'm going to figure out why." I said.

She averted her eyes.

"Please don't let his boy break your heart again." She said quietly.

The words echoed over my mind.
Please don't let this boy break your heart again.

These words imply that it happened once. Which I'm sure I'm not totally over.

If anything, my heart wouldn't break twice, because you can't break something already broken.

I just nodded, and she got up, then went upstairs.

Then my phone blew up with notifications.

Xowiexo is typing...
Xowiexo is typing...
Xowiexo is typing...
Message from xowiexo!

I gulped down every nerve in my body, although they seemed to just come back up.

I shakily opened my phone, and read the message.

Xowiexo
I was trying to think of a way to word this that wouldn't hurt your feelings, but I don't really think there is a way to do that with what he did.
Xowiexo
Before I say anything, i remember Abby telling me something abt him wanting to break up at the game in summer camp.

I sighed a breath of relief. She hadn't told me what he did yet, but she told me something I already knew.
Benjikrol
Yeah, he tried that night. I convinced him not to, he said he loved me, abby.

As she began to type again my next few breaths were shaky.

Xowiexo
Okay, just making sure you knew that part. Anyway, when the first day of school came around he wasn't himself. He wouldn't talk about you like he used to, wouldn't smile either. I even asked him what was wrong. He told me nothing, I shouldn't worry about it. Over the next few days he got worse.

Benjikrol
Fuck. Okay.

Xowiexo
One day I checked to see if you were even following him on Instagram, and I saw you weren't. (By now, I know that meant he blocked you) so I went to his student house to ask what had happened, and he was making out with some guy. He told me he didn't want love, and that he wasn't good enough for you. Ever since then he's been hooking up with every guy he comes across.

My heart fell to my stomach. Nothing had ever hurt me more than that sentence there.

Not good enough for me?
Hooking up with people?
I started crying before I knew it.

Benjikrol is typing...
Benjikrol is typing...

Benjikrol
So I guess that's it then. Yeah?

Xowiexo
He started smoking weed. And I mean a lot. Every day, every night. In between classes. He really fell off benji, and I don't know why.

Weed? Oh shit. Is this what noen was telling me about?

Benjikrol
You guys lost your phones because of him?

Xowiexo
Yeah, how did you know?

Benjikrol
Noen told me.
Benjikrol
Could you ask him some questions for me?

Xowiexo
Fuck , I forgot to say. He got expelled. I don't know what he's going to do because he doesn't live here.

Oh my god. So now I have no way of telling if he's okay.

Are you fucking stupid? He doesn't care about you. He fucks other people.

He only did that because he was emotionally insecure. He didn't think I was good enough for him.

You're fucking pathetic. That's what everyone says when they breakup. He fucked other people because he doesn't love you benji.

Stop it.

He never has.

And that's when I broke down. Completely.

Maybe my mom was right. Maybe a heart can break twice.