Letters I wrote you

Fourteen

I'm sorry,

so sorry,

I don't know what got into me,

of course I know,

I couldn't stand the pain,

It was to strong,

And I not strong enough,

so I tried to make it stop,

to join you,

I opened my wrists and watched the blood flow,

I should be dead,

I want to be dead

But I'm not,

Because of Nora,

She had to be in town this weekend,

Out of all the weekends,

And of all places she had to come strait to my house,

Last time I saw her, we fought,

She had said she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again, I had said the same.

Sorry for lying to you and having said that things where fine between me and her,

So yeah, I hadn't seen her in nearly two years,

I felt bad about it, and had tried contacting her,

but she hated me to much to answer,

at least that's what I had thought,

If she was still in town I could have found her, but as you know she was too far away.

She was back in town, and she felt bad for what she had said,

so she came to ours, and she rung but I didn't open,

I let something fall by accident, when I let myself slide to the floor

covered in my own blood.

The little vase shattered when it hit the ground causing the most indiscreet noise ever.

She always had known where I kept the spare key,

so she came in looking for me,

That's when she found me sobbing in the bathroom,

She looked shocked and worried,

Called the ambulance,

Tried to stop the bleeding,

And held a dying me in her arms telling me to hold on,

that she was sorry and that she loved me,

She asked about you and I cried even more, she understood,

The world turned black, as I slowly lost conciseness,

It was a perfect way to die,

It was my occasion,

my opportunity

I wanted that to be my last memory

But it wasn't,

I woke up a few days ago here at the hospital,

They didn't want to give me any paper to write, because of my wrists,

 so I snuk some from Nora's bag,

She's here right besides me,

but she's asleep,

Tired from these hard days,

I told her what happened to you,

she said she was sorry and gave me a big hug,

she hasn't left my side since I've woken.

She tells me stories about these last years to distract me from the pain,

It helps,

I love you,

I'm sorry

-Jane