Say Goodnight Before You Leave

29. Soul Sisters

Past.

I was always very dependent on my parents - only child, introverted, so-called nerd, domestic - so I always lived with the underlying fear of their death and how would I go by my life without them. Hans and Lesly are very much alive, thank you very much, but being here in Denmark sets me the closest I could be to a position of them not being around.

But Bente, I don't know if I could summon the right words to describe her, she's the natural instinctive laid back mother all the other mothers wished they were, but simply can't. She has always the right words, never overreacts, ready to listen, and a great cook. I couldn't help looking up at her. Even though the life divergences - being a mother of two boys is not the same as being the mother of a girl for sure - she was the closest thing I have of a parental figure here in Copenhagen.

Henning was galaxies and eons away from being anything I could support myself on - damn it, I couldn't even hold a conversation with him -, so I had already given up on trying to create a healthy relationship with him. It was just the respectful basics between us.

But even though her unbelievable kindness and chillness, I was still drawing myself back from clinging too much on her. I was trying to set her in a position distant from me, that adult figure we admire but can't get too close - like that teacher we like a bit too much, and as a kid, you still learning how personal space works... right I had some issues in the past.

All that made the physical contact with Mads much more important than I liked to confess. I miss holding my father's hands, I miss sitting on the sofa with my head on my mom's lap, I miss Lylia's zestful presence in the room in the endless hours we spent together - apparently not endless. Here people diverge into their own closed worlds and the lonelier I feel.

But Bente, exceptional, has that sixth motherly sense.

"Are you okay, Maysilee?" She asks me.

I put the spoon down. We're all at the table eating soup - Henning as well - and it took me some time until I wasn't feeling inadequate amongst them anymore, but directing the attention to me, certainly made my guts turn to ice.

I chuckle. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"I'm feeling you a bit off."

I furrow in fake confusion - I might have been quiet and airy the last days, but I never expect anyone to notice. "No, no, I'm just fine."

She nods and I assume she has finally put me aside. Wrong. "How's it going at the academy?"

"An understudy doesn't get much of the action, even though I still need to get my attention perked up. I'll get my first rehearsal at the end of the week."

"That's nice. Have you made any friends there?"

I take in a deep breath. My insecurities, the poor coexistence I was experiencing at the academy, the heart-wrenching homesickness, it was all locked in my worries box, hidden in the dark. I wouldn't forgive myself if I wasted their precious time and emotional capacities with my melodrama.

"Uh... you know, I hopped in at the middle of the ride, people already have their friend groups, know each other for years-"

"Is that a no?" Henning jumps in.

Thanksssss. "Pretty much."

"At least Mikkel was nice enough to be friends with you."

"Mikkel is not a young woman, Henning."

Mads and Lars start quietly laughing, and I don't pay attention to Henning's response turning to them trying to calm myself down, but not being able to laugh along.