Say Goodnight Before You Leave

17. Storms

Past.

Storms most times are preceded by drizzle and dark clouded skies, but mine began with a bolt of lightning right on my door in the shape of my father.

"Diese Scheiße eines Landes! Scheiße Arbeit!" Dad curses as he storms into the house.

"What a mouth, Hans!" My mom says.

Mads and I were sited on the sofa and she was on my dad's armchair. The tv was on, but at this point, nobody cared.

"Give me a rest, Lesly." He sits by the table, takes off his glasses and rests his head on his arms.

Mom puts down the book she was reading, gets up from the armchair and goes to sit with him.

"Should I leave?" Mads asks me in a whisper. He was weirdly quiet today.

I take his hand. "Let's go to the attic."

Once we're there, I put on a movie even though I knew none of us would watch it. Monday was his only day off from the play and today I wanted him over; Lylia wasn't here to bug us and the mornings at the academy were flying by. But today he's quiet and distant not for any reason that I knew about.

"You think your dad is okay?" He asks, absently playing with a lock of my hair.

"He will be. He must have fought with somebody, or maybe he heard some shit."

"Must have heard something really bad then."

"I only don't go talk to him about it, because I wouldn't be of much help. Only mom can put his fire down."

He just nods weakly in response. I start caressing his face, he was starting to grow stubble and his lips have red marks from where has been nibbling it.

"The play been doing fine?" I ask softly.

"We beat the theater box office record. Every night we hardly see an empty seat," he says with little excitement.

"And everyone else? Is Wolfgang still harassing you?"

"He's not like that... everyday. But, yeah, everyone's pretty fine." He furrows at me. "What's up, May?"

I caress his face. "You look sad."

He takes my hand from his face and kisses my fingers. "I'm not sad, I have a sad resting face."

I laugh caressing my thumb over his eyelid when he closes his eyes.

"Sadly beautiful you mean. You can tell me whatever's bothering you."

"It's not worth it."

"I said whatever."

"I'll tell you something, homesickness is utter shit," he says with a bitter laugh.

"You missing home?"

"Is not just that. Lars staying for while in Sweden, you know, my brother. Dad is traveling for work... again. And my mom is alone back home, and I've been thinking a lot about her. No parents, no siblings, she only got us."

I sharp pain takes over my chest and I feel a lump in my throat - I wanna swallow this thought, bottle it up inside me and kiss Mads senseless to make ourselves forget. But I had to ask what's due to be asked.

"You're thinking about leaving?"

He looks in my eyes before closing his. He nods.

Even though the idea of not having him around smashed my body with fear of loneliness, my empathy for both parties overtakes me - I don't think I could turn my back to my own mother if she was lonely and I wouldn't like to be left alone by the only people in my life. Family comes first, I'm simply the girl he just met. I lay my head on his chest.