Hold Me Close | Kellic

Chapter 27

KELLIN'S P.O.V

I stared at him without budging in the slightest as his story sunk in and I clung onto every single word. There was no way to express the amount of pain that was present in his voice, I wanted nothing more than to take the sorrow away from him but it was part of him now. The sadness came with the memory and the memory would never leave him.

His eyes were always glued to his hands, he didn't have the confidence to even move his body nor the direction of his eyes. All they could do was spill endless tears.

I made a move to place my hand over his to provide him a form of comfort but he shifted away slightly. Even then he wouldn't meet my gaze. I quietly placed my hand back in my own lap however I moved closer to him but fortunately he didn't notice and stayed where he was.

"So that's why you think you killed him?" I asked, looking straight at him without a falter to be heard in my voice. He was being weak again and even though the story was hard hitting, one of us had to be strong here.

He didn't say anything, only nodded his head a little to indicate that I was right. It was such a small movement that you could've missed it.

"Vic, listen to me and look at me," I said softly. He turned his head even further away so I spoke again, "Vic. Listen to me. Look at me."

That time he obeyed although all he did was turn his head in the direction straight ahead and only look at me out of the corner of his eye. I took a hold of his hand and didn't let him go.

"I know you believe you killed him, I know this is hard on you but you didn't kill him. It wasn't your fau-"

"It was my fucking fault, Kellin! Don't even try to convince me that it wasn't!" He leaped up and screamed at me. I didn't even know that cussing was allowed in Heaven. He glared at me and all I saw in those beautiful eye of his was pure hatred. All I had done was try to persuade him that he wasn't in the wrong and yet it seemed as though his feelings towards me had become the complete opposite because of my words.

"Don't tell me that it was the fire that killed him, not me! Don't tell me that Mike will understand but that's the problem. He will. He has such a good heart that he doesn't realise what an awful person I am! I'd rather him be mad at me and acknowledge what I've done than be naïve and forever leave me hurting because I know what really happened and he doesn't! I deserve to be in Hell, not him! He's the angel, I'm not!" His voice was loud and I never thought I'd ever see him like this. He stepped closer and looked me straight in the eye, his face inches away from mine, "I killed my own brother, Kellin. There's no forgiving that." He hissed.

We just stared at each other. His whole demeanour had changed in such a short amount of time. I looked deeper into his eyes and I realised that his hatred wasn't directed towards me at all. He could see his reflection in my eyes and that's what he was looking at, he was watching himself through my eyes and hating himself. That realisation then lead on to another.

"Vic. Imagine being in my shoes right now. Imagine being me and having to watch you suffer this pain and see you torture yourself. Imagine watching yourself through my eyes," I said quietly. I wanted him to understand and see the real way to look at himself through my eyes. He stood there and just looked at me, concentrating hard. Then he just sank to the ground, head buried in his hands that were rested on his legs that wee crossed.

"Seeing me like this.. Is hurting you?" He asked in such a quiet manner that I almost had trouble hearing but I did. I crouched down in front of him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"A lot," I said.

He shook his head, "Jaime and Tony tell me that though. They say it's not my fault and that it was the fire's but I know that's not true. It was all me."