Just Like Me

12. Shopping

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«--Friday--»

A sigh escaped my lips as I sat on the steps of my porch, waiting for him to pick me up. To my dispute, he insisted I go on a date with him. Anxiety was building inside of me. Every minute, every breath.

Jasmine and Amber agreed that I should take some medicine to help. So as soon a sleek black car pulled up, I slipped a tiny blue pill in my mouth.

"Get in loser we're going shopping," Nick sang as he climbed out the car.

I gave him a small smile while getting up to open my door. Fiddling my thumbs, I shuffled to the car, breathing heavily. As I reached for the door, Nick's hand captured mine.

"Please," he started. "This is a date so let me be a gentleman." He opened the door for me and shut it after I slid in.

Breath. I chanted in my head as he took his time to reach the other side. Once he stepped in he started the car.

I looked out the window trying to avoid communication. I was freaking out on the inside, but just looked plain and tired on the outside. I already knew Nick would be able to look through my facade, so I continued to look away from him.

He must have read my mind to because he gave my knee a reassuring squeeze. Automatically I jerked my knee away. I saw his pained expression for a second and instantly felt guilty. He quickly hid it though and smiled at me. I gave him a sad smile in return, then turned to face my window.

Stupid, stupid!

Stop being scared of him!

Eventually he'll become scared of you.

I was beating myself up and I knew it. I just can't help it. We were driving for a while-20 to 30 minutes. Thoughts likewise to those consuming my mind, nervousness and memories causing anxiety to continue building up.The medicine isn't helping me at all either.

I frown as I realize I have to take another pill in order to control the nerves that are overflowing me.

"We're almost there, but do you want anything?" He asks softly. I open my eyes to see we've stopped at a gas station.

See! He's already treating you different.

"Water,"I reply so quiet it was hardly audible.

I lay my head back, staring at the ceiling of the car. My body shakes as I replay his words. We're almost there. I wish I could be normal. Start over again. Forget him. but he's unforgettable. And he'll have my heart forever, even if it hurts- because I'm not normal.

I wipe my eyes once I realize I'm crying. I guess it's good that I didn't wear makeup today. My outfit was actually pretty simple. I wore my cherry red Doc Martins along with some light, ripped, skinny jeans, and a black shirt that said 'NOPE'. To top it all off I wore a red plaid shirt around my waist.

I stopped wiping my eyes and pulled down the mirror that sat in front of me.

I'm a wreck.

I quickly wiped my face off and tried to act natural as Nick walked back to the car. "You ready?" He asks starting the car up. I only nod my head in response because I know if I speak my voice will crack. Awkward silence engulfed us as we rode down the highway. Instead of taking in my boring surroundings, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the breeze.

I opened my eyes as the sound of carnival music filled my ears.My breathing become heavier the close we became to our destination." Stay here," He ordered as he walked around. Once he opened the door, I stepped out making sure I had some cash and my phone.

"You ready?" He asked smiling at me.

"Yep," I mumbled. My cheeks warmed slightly after hearing my voice crack. He chuckled a bit, but we walked in silence other than that. Eventually we reached the gates and I took out a $20. NIck sighed heavily while staring at me.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You never learn do you?" He says pulling out his own money. I roll my eyes, but choose not to argue.

Once we walked inside, my nerves got the best of me once again, but I try to put it off until later. I love the- loved the fair. If it weren't for many terrible memories here I would love it again.

"So... how's my choice for our date?" Nick asks as we walk towards the place where you buy your stamp.

"You do know we aren't dating right? And I think your choice of hang out is good." I lied.

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12-13-14