Her House, My Rules

Chapter 69

Speechless.

She was speechless.

Her eyes were full of warm tears. Her face was automatically pale. Her silence broke me, completely. I stood up as I tried to embrace her but she pushed me away. She was hurt. It was written all over her poor face. I felt like I was the worst person on earth, I felt guilty, embarrassed, selfish and heartless. I told Hazel that I wasn't going to hurt her. I promised her that I would protect her and now I'm hurting the love of my life and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Forgive me, Hazel.

I kept saying in my mind but those words weren't enough. Forgiveness was not enough. I created an impossible image inside my head and now I realized that Jack was right. I can't save everyone. I never meant to hurt anyone, to choose someone else over my beautiful star, Hazel Brown but Jack Walter was my blood. He was the only one that took care of me when I needed company, comfort, and love. I was never going to choose a girl over him. He sacrificed himself for me so many times and I never had the chance to thank him for everything he has done for me, to return the favor.

I was doing the right thing.

But at the same time, my decision was getting the best of me. I was on the edge of a needle, every move counted.

Hazel didn't understand the pain inside my heart, the melancholy raging inside my veins and the misery that my dark soul was running away from. Yes, I made that decision but If you only knew, Hazel. If you only knew... How hard it is for me to even look you in the eyes right now. Seeing your tears running down your gorgeous face and knowing that I was stuck in the middle of a life and death sitch.

Call me selfish, Hazel. Call me heartless. Call me a fool.

Tell me that you hate me. Tell me that I was the worst boyfriend you ever had. Tell me that you regret every moment that we had spent together. Tell me that you're disappointed in me. Tell me that I never loved you.

Deep down, I'll take it all. Not because they're true.

But because I love you to the end of death. I deserve a punishment for hurting you.

"Please, don't touch me." Hazel pushed my hands away from her. "J--J--Just stay away from me." She staggered.

"Babe..." My voice enfeebled. "Please... Listen..."

"Don't you dare call me babe ever again." She pointed her index finger at me. Her tone was more like a sudden warning. "You don't care about me... You never did! " Tears greeted her eyes, unexpectedly. "You played me just like everyone else. You... You... You never loved me..."

"Stop." I interrupted her. "Please, stop." I swallowed my saliva as I tried to calm her down. "I care about you and my feelings for you are real."

"Can't you see that you're hurting me?" She slapped me. "Why don't you care? Why? Tell me why? Why are you leaving me?" She yelled as she kept pushing me over and over again.

Repeatedly.

My chest was begging for mercy.

"I'm sorry..." I grabbed her hands as I pushed her against the wall and spread both of her legs with my feet, to protect my private part from her unwanted kicks. "I'm sorry, okay."

"Sorry?" She mocked me. "Are you hearing yourself right now?" Her tears couldn't stop falling. Oh, Holy Heaven! What have I done? Her hazel eyes were screaming for my love. Her lips were covered with tears and I was just standing there.

Useless.

The love of my life was in pain and I did nothing.

Nothing.