.Elementals.

-36-

I stepped out of the vines and onto the window sill.

"So, what are you doing here?" The princess asked, walking backwards until she hit her bed and fell on her behind, setting the rose on the bedside table she had where stood a small pot with the first flower I gave her being grown from the seed it made, I could just feel it since these flowers were my flowers.

"I don't know how to say this politely."

"In that case don't say it politely just spit it out mage."

"Okay.... Audrey how the hell do you want me to get you to understand me when you lock your doors after slamming them in my face when I just wanna speak and fuck really? I could have hit my head falling back there."

".....Yeah that's not near polite, I never heard you speak in such way."

"Because I never do, even you cuss more than I do. When I was shot with that bolt, that had been the first curses that left my mouth in a long time because not only did it hurt but I was worried for the two survivors and yours safety."

"How long?"

"Years, you have the knack of worrying me beyond reason." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Well I do not do it on purpose."

"Neither did I say you do."

"You are complicated."

"I'll be to all and myself, I have no final idea about what I feel, I can't give it a name and you expect me too be able too."

"It isn't that hard to say if you fancy me or not."

"It actually is, I am a mage Audrey not some free noble, no, I am property. I was taught all that can serve my owner, the queen and future queen. I was taught to dance, sing, cook, read, write, swim, fight and even speak all languages to satisfy the queen's demands not my own wishes, hers. Understanding emotions is useless to know, what am I? A jester? A skillful, serious and calm mage is what is always needed, I never learned! I will never learn! What the fuck! This feeling!! Right!!! Here!!!! Is!!!!!"

I turned away from her, a hand resting on my hip and the other on my face, staring out at the half moon between my fingers before closing my eyes, lightly shaking my head.

I tapped one finger against my head while holding on with the rest and shrugging, waving that hand around.

"After all why should I know of sure thing? When would it be useful? Why would being taught to trust people be useful? To feel happy? To know how to deal with fear?" I faced her. "All that shit it was learned by us interacting with each other and is still nothing to what it could be. Yeah I don't trust people, I don't know how to, you think it is easy yes or no when your whole understanding of emotions is based on what you and your brothers and sisters in arms saw on others face to explain what they were feeling..... No, the answer is it is not easy, I don't even know if I have the right names for some of the more obscure ones and I just got luck I wasn't alone."

I shook my head again, looking back at the moon.

"There you go princess, another freaking secret of mine up in the air." I passed my hands up my face, through my hair and rested them on my nape before letting them fall.

I was less surprised than I should be when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind, hugging me to her chest with her head resting against my back and shoulder.

"I do not know what I feel for you alright but you can't just go off or I sure as hell wouldn't be able to answer you."

"Say, what do you feel now, what did you feel before, you don't need to name it just describe it." She softly said, the slight edge of anger gone as she had an explanation for my silence back at the elm now.

I cast my gaze down, trying to make a list.

"Hot... No more like warm, a warm fuzzy something, sometimes is weight sitting in my stomach and a few times like now an annoyingly fast heartbeat."

"Those are usually how people could describe how feeling love is like but it isn't this fast of a happening either, when I was younger I liked spying on the mages' from the astrologist's tower, you unusual hair being something captivating, hope it doesn't weird you out."

I glanced back at her as she passed a hand in my hair from behind and let her arm rest on my shoulder.

"I wouldn't say so as I did the same, from the branches of the elm, keeping your family under surveillance when I was bored, your progress being the most captivating out of all." 

She laughed, hiding her face against my back.

"So we spied on each other for who knows how many years, fate has an amusing way to work things out."

"It sure has."

"By the way, I liked the performance."

"thanks I dreamed it up." I said making her laugh but I was serious, talking with the memories of a forgotten man, tho my dreams made him wise so it was useful.

"But did you mean it?"

"I didn't plan any of it out before jumping in so you could say it was from the heart."

"So what of now?"

"Well I do not know how I feel but could I court you princess?"

"Sure, it is always better than nothing and knowing more is to come just make my heart sing."

"So, water under the bridge with the emotional troubles?"

"Water under the bridge."

"Good." I smiled, happy I got this solved instead of needing to compete while knowing the princess was hurting and angry because of me, it would have just been... Hurtful to know I caused that to be prolonged longer than it should.