My bleary eyes stare at the blank page once more.
I must have been here a thousand times.
The vibrant white of the paper blinding me as my shaking hand wills the pen, pressed tightly in my palm, to make it's mark upon it, to let this poison that collected inside me for so many years flow from my veins and through the ink onto the page below, manifesting into words of meaning, words of redemption, freedom and peace of mind.
yet motionless I remain. lost in the nightmare of the mind you left me with.
how do I put into words all that you did to me?
how do I even begin to explain how you broke my world into pieces and pulled it apart like you were pulling the fragile wings from a butterfly, rendering it flightless?
how do I describe all those times you crushed my spirit and robbed me of everything I had before?
how you took my once enormous world and reduced it to almost nothing?
how you treated me like I was your property and played mind games if I stepped out of line?
how do I even begin to put into words how nothing has been the same since you?
how even 6 years on from my escape from your grasp, I'm still broken, afraid, a nervous wreck?
like a frightened mouse who's afraid to think or speak or make decisions because you reset my mind and made me feel inadequate, intellectually inefficient, incapable of thinking for myself?
how do I put into words the years of abuse you put me through and how I've never been the same person since?
tell me how?
the answer is I do not know. I don't know if I ever will.
so for now I sigh and close the book for the thousandth time,
blank page meeting blank page once more, forever vacant from the thoughts inside my mind.
YOU ARE READING
Poetry and Prose By Jake Dorian
Poetrya collection of the poetry and prose I have written. I apologise for the amount of angst and corniness in some. I write to express myself and a lot of these are deeply personal to me.
