Orange

Twenty-Six

By the time I finally had the courage to leave the bathroom, Sandra and Mr. Carl Rutherford had already left. Orion was still there, drumming his fingers along the table as he stared at the Danish he no longer had the stomach to finish. I shyly approached him, unable to meet his eyes as he stood to his feet. Slowly, he offered me something. It was the business card.

"Here," he said in a low voice, "he wanted me to give this to you. Says you have a week to decide."

So, I took the card. What else was I supposed to do? I guess I could have rejected it and rejected Mr. Rutherford's offer, in kind, but then the nausea just started up again just as that came to mind. I couldn't make a level-headed decision on my own. Shit, I never really got to make my own decisions before. Normally, reality was just forced upon me time after time again. So now that I was being given so many options in such little time, I didn't know what to do. I felt like a starving kid that was just given a millionaire's credit card, left to roam around a candy shop. And maybe, in a way, that's all I really was.

Orion and I went back to the apartment in silence. I couldn't bear to look up at his troubled expression, how he would nervously glance towards me in hopes that I would finally smile at him once again. But I didn't deserve to be the one smiling right now.

I thought we would break out into an argument. You know, the kind of ones in the movies where the couple you just spent seventy minutes watching have witty dialogue back and forth suddenly scream about how much they hate each other before in inevitably go their separate ways for the next twenty minutes before the exciting (and usually comedic) reunion just before the end. But it never came. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, waiting like there was a bomb in the room. Orion rested on the futon, head in his hands. But he was silent. So silent. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore.

"...Are you going to yell at me?"

He lifted his head, a bit confused.

"Why would I yell at you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, looking to the floor.

"Because..."

"Because you got the offer of a lifetime? No, I'm not mad at you."

I repeated his words over and over again in my head, listening intently to his intonation and voice. As much as I wanted there to be, there was no hint of sarcasm there. He wasn't mad.

"...why?"

"Because I'd probably consider it too, if I were you," he pushed himself to his feet. "You lived a hard life. You deserve to find happiness however you want. Even if..." he paused, stopping just beside the window. "...even if it's not with me."

"Orion..."

"No, no, it's fine. You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings. I promise I won't hate you, or judge you, or bother you about any of this. I... I just wish we could've had a little bit more time together."

His words twisted that godforsaken knife in me yet again. I held myself in my arms, blinking back all the emotions that threatened to topple over. Orion turned back to me, a weak smile on his face. He looked... so tired.

"Clementine, if we stay together, you'll just keep on suffering. Not just because you're a Blank, but because I'm one, too. Nobody'll want people like us working for them. We'd probably be working at the warehouse 'til we age out. And then... what would we do? I didn't want to think about this, but... it's true. There's really no future for the two of us. Maybe it would be best if you just accepted my dad's offer."

"Orion, what about you?" I tried to keep my voice as calm as his. I failed. "I can't make you do something you don't want to do."

He chuckled, knowing those words by heart by now.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I just want you to finally be happy."

But I'm happy when I'm with you, I wanted to say. But the words wouldn't come out. I was too busy crying. Orion turned around to face me, and I could hear his breath hitch at my sobbing form. When I tried to stop myself, the tears just came back with a vengeance. I tried to hide my face, but Orion came up to me and moved my hands away, forcing me to look into his eyes. That's when I realized something. I didn't even need to break his heart; he did it for me.

"Clementine," he said my name slow, tasting every syllable like it were his last, "I love you. I will always love you. But... I think..." he lowered my hands down to my sides, looking away from me. "...this is for the best. I can't give you the life you deserve. Not like this. I can't do anything like this. But, please believe me when I say this: there won't be a day that goes by where I won't think of you."

Now I was really crying. Each sob sent agonizing shocks of pain through my heart, and yet Orion remained still and sturdy. I could see him blinking away his own tears, struggling to keep himself strong. He took a deep, shambling breath before continuing.

"You helped me realize something really amazing. This may sound really cheesy, but I want you to hear it. People like us... we don't need true, God-given love to be happy. Sometimes, we just need to be with the people we choose. And I actually had the pleasure of choosing you, and you actually chose me right back. You taught me love of every kind, and I got to fall in love with you piece by piece. And I... I think that's really great. My parents used to always tell me that emotions have colors. Well, I finally see what they meant. But they got one thing wrong. Love isn't red. It's orange. It's all of you, in my eyes."

He gave me a small kiss on the forehead. I grasped at his shirt, feeling my warm tears cascading down my cheeks and neck like a waterfall. Slowly, he began to pull away from me. I clung to him with desperate fingers, but with all the gentility in the world, he pulled my hands off from his form. Once free from my grasp, he made slow steps towards the door. I sobbed his name with every step he took. My knees gave out, and I crumbled to the floor. Orion's eyes flashed with regret, but he still kept his hand on the doorknob. He was crying now, too, unable to keep himself at bay any longer.

"...Goodbye, Sweetheart."

And he walked out the door.

And I was alone again.