Orange

Twenty-Eight

The next morning faded into my senses much slower than I would've expected. Sure, I was terribly sore from all the physical energy I had exerted the day before, and it certainly didn't help that I fell asleep on hard, cold tile. But I was calm. Hell, I was calmer than I had been in a long time. But reality came up behind me and shoved me forward, and I was right back to where I started—fucking panicked.

I jumped to my feet, nervously pulling at the coils that made up the puffball-ponytail at the top of my head. Okay, okay, this is fine. We can do this. We just... I just need to calm down a bit. I took a deep breath, focusing all my energy on my breathing. Within a few minutes, my heart came to a manageable pulse inside of me. I nodded. Okay, we've come this far. Now what's next?

I glanced across the room, looking out the open window. The world bustled down below, no doubt filled with people going through life as normal out there. It felt like just a few breaths ago, Orion was there, leaning against the windowpane and giving me that lazy smile of his. Once he came to mind, I realized that he was all I could think about. The way he would hold so tightly onto me, watching my reactions to make sure that he wasn't hurting me. The way he would rub the back of his neck whenever he got embarrassed. The way he would call me "Sweetheart".

I was in love with all of it.

I held myself, rubbing my hands up and down my biceps as if they were his, imagining the coolness of his breath against my neck.

But that wasn't all that I loved.

I loved how he would occasionally fumble over his words whenever he talked to me. I loved how he would pause, take a breath, and think so carefully over his words whenever he felt like he was acting a fool. I loved how he laughed. I loved how he smiled. I loved how he cared so much about me, as if we were each other's soulmates. And yet, we weren't. Nobody up above us decided that we should cross paths. It was pure, blind luck. Coincidence. Fate had no say in this. We found each other all on our own.

I let out an exacerbated laugh. Suddenly, it all made sense. Soulmates were bound by tradition and policies—but Blanks were free to love whomsoever they desired. We could be in love one minute, then be out of love the next. Hell, we didn't even need love. We could go our whole lives living for ourselves, careless of things like spiritual romance. We could be free.

Everything Orion believed in, everything he wanted to tell me—all of it flooded into my heart and soul and very being. Like a blast of euphoria, I burst into life. I laughed, pulling my arms into a tight embrace. I get it, I wanted to scream out to the heavens, Orion, I really get it!

That's when I caught sight of the window again. So many people, living lives they didn't get to choose. All of them treated me like I was a bug beneath their shoes. And yet, in this very moment, I found myself above all of them. Quite literally. It wasn't distain that forced us Blanks in the shadows; it was jealousy. Orion knew that.

Orion.

Without wasting another second, I grabbed some new clothes and jumped into the shower. I washed away every bit of regret, fear, and shame that had coated my body for so long, and took some serious deep breaths. While at the end of it, I was still the same girl as I had been, I felt a bit... different. Not just cleaner. But a version of Clementine who was a bit more ready to face whatever it was that I was going up against. Once dressed and ready to go, I turned my attention towards the door. I snatched up my keys and stuffed them into my shorts. I may have looked like a slut, but I wasn't going to lay down and accept this reality any longer.

It was time for me to stand the fuck up.

So, I ran out the door, not looking back. I didn't know what on earth I would be running into. I didn't even know where I was going. But I knew that wherever it was, whatever may have been waiting for me, Orion was there.

And that's where I wanted to be.