UP THERE. | ジグク [DISCONTINUED]

two :: infatuation.

二 | infatuation.
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march 29th, 2008

"and now, the school's anthem."

i don't remember the first time i had fallen for another boy.

but i do vividly remember the most important infatuation that had came across my path.

seemingly synchronized with the soft breeze of spring wind caressing my cheek, i took a deep breath, closing my eyes as a sweet piano melody begun filling my ears.

my bandaged fingers trembled at the nervous tight grip i held on my lyric booklet, and yet i was unable to release the pressure on the dark leather cover.

music surrounded me ever since i was brought to the world, probably even before, given the various collection of lullabies my mother had apparently hummed to me when i was still nothing more than a bump on her belly.

having her being a singer and guitarist really influenced my life choices, back then. i had picked up the said stringed instrument at the age of ten, unknowingly giving my mother something to brag about during family reunions and myself an embarrassing amount of splinters on my fingertips.

personally, i never really talked about my hobby. everyone either already knew or didn't look much into it, so i never bothered.

until he came about.

chestnut eyes, jet black hair and a smile that could blind anyone in a ten mile radius.

i thought he was way out of my league, at first. for a shy, bunny-toothed skinny child like me, practically everyone was out of my league.

but he turned out to be... different.

"under the shining sun,

we hold each other's hands,"

i gasped as the first verse of the song was sung without me joining in, stuttering as i quickly attempted to catch the rhythm of the lyrics even though i was late.

but now that i think back, i don't think i ended up singing anything after all.

as i attempted to focus on the small stage where the principal and music teacher stood, my eyes met with a familiar head of dark hair, the raven strands reflecting the sunlight coming in from either sides of the auditorium.

another soft gush of wind kissed my cheek as my eyes widened.

i had never seen the older this close to me.

and, if i may add, that also was the first time i had gained the chance to take a listen to his singing voice. just as feathery and light as his laugh, as his entire existence.

god, what have i done to deserve this angel you have bestowed upon me?

what have i done to deserve to exist at the same time as him?

everything about him was so endearing, every single detail felt so precious. i felt the need to keep him in my arms for eternity, as he was but a beautiful, yet fragile butterfly. a single flick to the wing would leave him unable to fly, and nothing more than a gentle gush of wind would blow him away.

i felt the need to protect him, even if i had no clue of what he needed to be guarded from.

and now that i think back, my intuition wasn't wrong.

...oh, i'm rambling, aren't i? ah, i'm sorry.

as i took in his presence, my mouth went dry. i suddenly lost the ability to speak, let alone sing, my toes wiggling around in my oxfords as a desperate attempt to control my heartbeat. my fingers trembled, slightly creasing the pages of the booklet i held in my hands.

and when he turned around to greet my classmate, his eyes met with mine.

a sudden burst of emotions rushed through my veins, my heart dropping to my stomach. everything was in slow motion to me, the way his lips curled upwards in a loving smile, teeth visible and eyes sparkling, reflecting the sunlight pouring in through the open windows of the auditorium.

my knees began shaking, cheeks flushing rouge, eyes widening, watching as he turned back around and realizing that – damnit! – his first impression of me was a blushing, mute mess.

it might just be impossible to describe how silly i thought that crush was, how dumb it was of me to imagine holding that adorably tiny hand as we danced the night away, fingers laced together,

not knowing i would be slipping a ring on one of those very digits eight years later.

[ ♪ ]