UP THERE. | ジグク [DISCONTINUED]

ten :: to new paths & new starts.

十 | new paths & new starts.
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i just realized i've got a good number of silent readers, not to sound like 'that' kind of person but just one vote/comment from you guys would make my day :)

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july 6th, 2020

"i don't get it!" he desperately cried, hands flying up to grip at his minty hair. at that point, i was sure tears would quickly begin streaming down his confused face. "why do you have so much fucking pajama pants?! which ones am i supposed to pack?!"

i snapped my head to the back, eyeing him, eyes wide in despair and humiliation. "i— shut up! they're really— they're comfortable! just— just take the yellow ones with the hamburgers, please."

yoongi let a simultaneously adoring and disappointed sigh escape from his lips, carefully folding the said yellow bottoms and placing them inside the suitcase lying on the floor beneath us.

i set my gaze to the luggage, eyes subconsciously widening as i took in my actions deeper and deeper.

i was going to busan.

i was going to...

to busan.

it felt like a forbidden word to me. a forbidden place. as if merely thinking of it would squeeze my heart, would shoot pain from the pit of my stomach all the way up to my chest, would make all the blood coursing through my veins freeze, running cold. then again, the actual feeling wasn't far from that description. but it felt taboo.

jimin in general felt taboo. bringing him up in a conversation would thicken the atmosphere, would lead even the happiest of us all to a suffocating silence, to the point where the quietest of breaths would be heard as clearly as a pained yell in the middle of the night.

and although i knew the consequences of it, i still didn't hesitate to speak those six words,

"i dreamed of him last night."

i silently watched as the older's hands suddenly stopped working the clothes surrounding him into the suitcase, eyes slightly widening as he snapped his head up to meet my solemn gaze.

ah. there. right there. that look on his face.

his eyes held a certain glint; a glint filled with that same light present in seokjin's iris, filled with aspiration, and yet drowning in sorrow. i bit my lips together, fiddling with my fingers as my stare switched from the older's pupils to my lap. it pained me just to look at it, the way it anchored itself on my heart.

but i didn't wait too long to speak again. "told him i'll make him proud. sai–said the wait will be worth it. i hope it will be. hope jimin'll be happy," i solemnly mumbled, feeling tears slowly form themselves within my eyes. i dug my fingernails into my forearm to stop them from leaking down my face, wincing and stopping myself right before blood slipped out of the wounds, finally letting pearly drops fall down and kiss my cheeks.

god, it hurt. the way his name rolled off my tongue, the almost entirely faded memories of the dream i desperately held onto slowly leaving my mind, all up until only the sound of his voice and the honey color of his eyes remained in my heart.