Broken wings

Chapter 3

I stare at the high ceiling of my bed. Missing the view of home. I spend two entire days and a night looking around outside and in the forest in the hopes of discovering someone or something that could explain the evil I felt. I'm slowly starting to believe maybe I didn't feel anything that day. Maybe I was just hurt too badly. Hallucinated. I've seen it happen before. One of my sisters once thought she was human. I was little and no one explained to me how it was possible or how they fixed it. Maybe she was wounded at her wings as well. I sigh and turn my head to the window. It's been complicated living among the humans. I barely understand anything they do, but I can always feel how they're feeling. Especially Roman. I've always been sensitive for the emotions of other beings, but it seems like that power has only grown the longer I'm around the human who helped me when I first arrived here. Maybe it's because he never seems to leave me alone. I scrunch up my nose when I feel how tormented Roman feels in his sleep. Like almost every night since I've been here. Every time I feel someone else's pain and hurt I try to shelter away from it. I don't need their worries on top of my own. That's also why I always pretend to not notice his agony at night when he dreams about the night he helped me. I close my eyes and try to block him out. Sitting upright as I do so. After a while I sigh and stand up as I decide to go to his room after all.
Maybe it's the guilt of not properly erasing the memories or maybe it's the fear of becoming like my brothers who did this to him. I flinch when an especially large peak of fear hits my way. I fasten my pace.
Or maybe I really started caring for the brave man. I don't want to admit it, but he has been gaining my respect slowly. Whatever my reasoning for going up to his room, it's a weakness. And I really can't use any more weaknesses now.
I roll my eyes at the man standing 'guard' in front of his room. Vast asleep in the corner of the hallway. I ignore him as I step inside Roman's room without knocking. For a second I let my eyes wander around the room. I've already been here. I've been in every room, hallway and hiding place of this castle. His room is by far the largest bedroom in the castle. He's got a huge window on one of his walls like I do. His bed looks twice the size of mine though. Made out of dark wood and covered in red velvet. Stuffed with the softest of materials. A thick, fluffy blanket overthrown with red silk traps Roman between the mattress and the rest of the world. I stop looking around at the fireplace, the swords mounted on his wall, the portraits, the large dressers and armchairs and focus on the troubled state the man is in. Twisting and turning in his sleep as he whimpers softly. Sweat plastering his brown wavy hair on his forehead. My heart burns when I see the miserable sight. I hate to know it were my own venomous brothers who did this to him. I silently step closer to the edge of his bed and lift my hand to rest it on his forehead gently. I close my eyes as I focus on unwinding the stress and fear like I did with the horse a few days ago. When Roman's eyes fly open startled, I feel caught red handed. I intended to just ease his mind and leave before he could ever know I was here. His eyes widen in fear when he sees me loom over him. In a flash he grabs a dagger from underneath his pillow.
"No need." I reassure him. Sensing the blind panic that holds a grip on the man who's still haunted by his dreams. Not yet able to look at me reasonably. I hold up my hands as I lean back to give him space. Showing I'm not here to harm anyone. Roman blinks confused up at me when his rational thoughts start flooding back to him.
"Wh-What are you doing here?" He asks with a deep, sleep riddled voice. I look at him for a quiet moment. What am I doing here? Good question.
"You're hurt." I explain my reasoning behind my actions. I see how he bites down on his bottom lip before shuffling more upright. The dagger loosely in his hands now the threat has passed.
"I'm fine." He lies. I notice a tear rolling out of the man's eye and down his cheek in silence. I should've erased his memory better. I should've tried to prevent him from helping me that night. Is that what humans feel when they apologize? What is it again they say?
"I'm sorry." I say out loud. Roman looks confused.
"For what?" He wonders. What? They can say it a hundred times over, but I need to explain myself? I look away as I sit down on the edge of the bed. I don't need to explain myself to no one. Roman keeps staring at me. I look back at him when I still hear his heart beat faster than normal.
"I can try to take it away." I offer. "The pain. The dreams." I clarify. The human knits his eyebrows together.
"What do you mean?" He pretends to not know what I'm talking about. In his green eyes I can see he's afraid to admit it. He looks... Embarrassed? I frown at that. Why would he be embarrassed? It's horrific what happened. Not embarrassing. I slowly raise my hand and bring it to his forehead. I feel him tense, before I try to calm him down again.
"Do you want to see what really happened?" I ask him softly.
"Y-Yes." He whispers. I hear the determination in his voice. He's been asking me almost every single day what exactly happened and why he feels so blurry about it. I take in a deep breath and concentrate on the memories I tried, but apparently failed, to erase. Showing him frame by frame what happened the night he came to my aid. I feel Roman silently cry as he relives the nightmares that have been haunting him at night. I drop my hand and look down at him in sympathy.
"I tried to take it away. But I was too weak at the time." I explain why he couldn't remember any of it clearly until just now. He stares blindly in front of him before blinking back up at me and wiping he tears away with his sleeve.
"Are you sure it will work this time?" He asks me softy.
"I can try." I offer. "It would makes things easier." I add knowingly. I see the war going on behind his tired eyes before he slowly shakes his head no. I try to hide my surprise. Why would he deliberately live with those memories?
"Are you sure?" I frown. Roman nods with a troubled face.
"If I can survive...that..." He starts with a quivering voice. "I-I know I can also survive the demons following that." He looks determined up into my eyes. I feel another pang of respect for the human sitting next to me. He looks broken and afraid, but he keeps a light inside him that makes him fight regardless.
"My name is Virgil." I tell him in an impulse. Roman blinks surprised at the news before nodding.
"Thank you for telling me." He whispers. I hum in acknowledgement as I look away. Not sure why I told this human my name. Why I gave him that power. I clear my throat as I stand up. "Imma-" I point at the door. Saying without words that I'm going to leave again if he doesn't need my help. Before I get far, Roman stops me.
"C-Can you stay? Please?" He asks softly. I debate if that's something I should do. Wouldn't it be wiser if I'd just leave and not humor him into thinking I care? After a moment I nod anyway and sit back down next to him.
"Can you tell me a story?" He wonders as he pulls up the blankets to his chest. I let out a surprised chuckle.
"I'm not good at telling stories." I tell him. He shrugs.
"That's okay. I just think it would be a nice way to distract my mind for a while." He replies. I look into his eyes before sighing. What have I become?
"Once upon a time a certain human discovered a way to help his nearsighted comrades by creating a new invention. He put two lenses made out of glass in a frame that can be held in front of their eyes. These pieces of glass made sure to aid the other humans in seeing better. The inventor even created a bridge between the frames so they can hold it up their nose and arms that hook behind their ears. This way the humans can see while using both hands for another task. And that's how glasses were invented and thanks to that brilliant man, humans can now stop walking around like idiots as they squint at everything." I finish. Roman looks at me with a single unimpressed raised eyebrow.
"You really do suck at telling stories." He snickers. I look offended at him. He asked me to tell a story and now he's bashing it?
"My brother always tells us that story. I even used that stupid line you humans say before telling a story!" I defend myself. Roman laughs louder.
"You're just telling a historical fact!" He exclaims. "Where's the romance? Where's the drama?" He wonders. I frown in disgust.
"You tell me a story if you're so much better." I dare him.
"I am." He exclaims proud. Now I'm curious, I think smug as he starts.
"Once upon a time. There was a fair, young lady trapped in a large tower. Guarded by the evil dragon witch-" I burst out in laughter.
"Dragon witch?" I question amused.
"Shht. It's better than talking about glasses." He shushes me. I chuckle as I hold up my hands innocently to let him continue. He glares at me for a moment before continuing his story.
"Time after time brave knights have tried to defeat the dragon witch and free the princess-"
"She's a princess now?" I interrupt him amused.
"Hey, are you telling the story or am I?" Roman speaks up with knit together eyebrows. I smirk.
"Continue." I gesture. He nods.
"Like I said: brave knights have tried to save the princess, but neither of them survived. Until one day a young prince decides to challenge the dragon witch. Unlike the knights before him, he doesn't believe he's a match for the creature so he doesn't attack him in plain sight, swords drawn like you'd fight one of your equals. Instead he uses his head and tricks the dragon witch. Distracting the beast by leading it away from him so he can sneak up the tower and save the princess. Once she is safe and hidden, he sneaks back to the dragon witch and jumps on the back of the beast. Stabbing his sword deep in its neck so it can't fight back. The beast cries out in pain as it plummets to the cold hard floor. Dead. The prince returns home with the princess and a tooth from the beast as proof. That same day the prince and the princess marry and they live happily ever after." Roman finishes with a grin.
"They marry the same day? What just because she was too chicken to sneak out herself?" I look questioning.
"Because through his heroic act he showed her how much he loves her." Roman corrects me.
"Right. He loved her. Yet he'd never seen her before he freed her. Makes sense." I laugh at the ridiculous story.
"Whatever. You're just salty because I didn't like your boring glasses story." Roman sticks his chin out.
"Yeah, that's definitely it." I reply sarcastically. Roman huffs as he crosses his arms. We stay quiet for a moment until he eyes me curiously. I notice it and quirk a questioning eyebrow at him. Wondering what his deal is this time.
"Aren't you cold?" He voices his thoughts out loud. Pointing at the ripped purple short-sleeved T-shirt I'm still wearing. I look at the thick, long pajamas he's wearing under the even thicker blankets.
"I don't get cold fast." I tell him. Like every time I share a part of who I am, he looks amazed at me. Like I'm some kind of miracle he gets to witness every day.
"Does it hurt?" He asks me more seriously then. I frown confused down at him. "Your wings." He clarifies. I look down at my lap. Usually it hurts more to see them than it actually physically hurts me. But from time to time an almost burning sensation goes through them. I don't know if it's because I'm hiding them so often or if it's an effect from falling. I feel Roman look at me closely.
"Sometimes." I admit as I look back up at him. I don't need his sympathy.
"Y-You can spread them if you want. No one is coming in." The human offers careful. Sensing the change in me. I'm not just one of his buddies or workers and he remembers it. I almost laugh at his last sentence. I know for a fact no one going to come inside. Even the guard is asleep. I scan Roman's eyes suspiciously, but can't seem to find anything other than sincerity. It doesn't look like he has an ulterior motive other than trying to ease my own pain. He is a remarkable human, isn't he? I nod softly before freeing my wings. They sprout out of my back and Roman looks at them like he always does. With wonder. He should have seen them when they were still magnificent. I think bitter to myself.  My face twists in pain and I close my eyes when I feel how stiff they are when I try to open and close them gently to stretch. When I open my eyes again I see Roman stare. He no longer seems scared of them. He doesn't even seem scared of me anymore most of the time. Despite knowing what I'm physically capable off. I'm not sure I like that development. A sigh escapes my lips when I see another feather tumble down. I pick it up out of the air with hurt in my eyes. Maybe the human is right in no longer being scared of me. What a sad excuse have I become anyway?
"W-What's wrong with them?" Roman whispers softly. Noticing the ruffled and thin state they're in.
"I don't know." I admit as I look down at the feather in my hand. "I guess it's from falling." I mutter to myself as I hold up the feather to look at it in the moonlight that's trying to light up the room. I notice Roman study it as well. On more occasions than one the past weeks he repeated his question whether or not I'm an angel. Arguing I sure look like one. It always makes me roll my eyes. A few millennia ago one of my brothers had the brilliant idea to introduce himself to the humans down here. At first they claimed him to be an angel send down to save them, but soon they got scared of my brother's strength and wisdom and they deemed him an demon. A spawn of evil that would drag them to this fantasy place called hell. It was then we realized humans are no longer like the other animals. They're viscous and frankly the biggest idiots we've ever encountered. Not all of them though. Not the man who invented glasses. Or the woman who fought for the rights of every orphaned child she encountered. Throughout my time here I have to admit some humans are actually quite alright. Roman is one of them. He's insufferable, but he's got something that sparks my interest.
"Virgil?" Roman pulls me out of my train of thought. I look up at him. It feels weird to hear my name out loud after so long. I hum to show I'm listening.
"Why did you fall?" Roman asks carefully. I square my jaws.
"You wouldn't understand." I whisper as I look away. My wings flying open and closed as if they sense I want to leave this conversation. I fumble distracted with the feather in my hand.
"I can try?" Roman offers. I look back at him before letting out a sigh and shaking my head. I already told him too much.
"Are you okay again?" I wonder as I stand upright and look down at him. Roman looks at his lap in what looks like disappointment. I can't feel sorry for him.
"Yeah. Thank you." He smiles up at me then. His eyes not sparking like before. I nod and leave the room again. Hiding my wings the moment I'm through the door.  I close the door a little harder than I should've and smirk when I see the guard startle awake. That ought to teach him to sleep on the job. Instead of going back to my room I go downstairs and leave the castle. Looking up at the half moon shining up in the night sky. Dark clouds hiding the stars partially. An immense homesickness washes over me like a dangerous wave. I swallow down the lump in my throat as I look forward and start walking towards the forest where I fell with my brothers. It's a long end from the castle, but I don't get tired easily. If my wings would still have worked I'd be there within seconds.
I don't choose the path Roman and his horsemen sometimes use, but prefer to walk through the real forest. Be as one with nature as possible so I can free my wings and feel as at home as I can. I smile softly when a fox scurries away in front of me. Her eyes reflective in the moonlight. Bats flying overhead as they try to catch as many bugs as their stomach can handle. At one point one of them notices I'm here and lands on my head.
"Hey there." I snicker as I pick him out of my hair and hold him gently in my hand. He hugs my wrist as I rub my thumb gently over his little furry head. The little animal makes a happy squeaky noise and I chuckle softly. Another reason humans are unpredictable. They treat one animal like a loyal pet, but are terrified of others because of made up stories.
"Off you go, buddy." I tell him softly as I hold my hand open in the air. The bat lets me go and joins his mates again on their hunt. I notice the sun already slowly lighting up the sky by the time I arrive at the clearing. One of the trees I crashed in that night is cracked in the middle as it lays down defeated on the forest floor. The blood has already washed away from the recent rain since the last time I was here. I look at the spot where Roman got pushed down by Chasten and Birrol and feel an overwhelming rage bubble up. I clench my hands into fists as I try to get the image out of my head. I walk over to the tree and notice tiny feathers stuck at the bark. Last time I couldn't bring myself to take them away and this time I don't feel like there's a point whatsoever. I drop the one that fell in Roman's room with the others. As I see it tumble down slowly I feel tears sting my eyes. It's not fair.
"It's not fair!" I yell angry in the world. I hear some animals scatter away and birds fly in the air as I hit the tree time and time again until my own hand starts bleeding. The skin peeled back from brushing harsh against the rough bark. I fall to my knees as sobs wreck my body. It's not fair. How am I  the one who had to fall? What did I  do to deserve losing my wings and everything I've known? I just followed a hunch. I just wanted some answers. I tug harshly at my hair. I barely understand what was going on when Chasten and Birrol discovered me. When I had to run away from everything I believed in. Fall to earth. Now I'm stuck here with more questions than ever before. 

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Poor Virgil and Roman, neither of them deserve the things they're going through.