Raw Love

Dreams N' Nightmares

When I get up this morning I have no idea how I feel. I had three dreams, one about Kaeden, one about Javon, and one about YoungBoy. They was crazy and I mean wild, but they wasn't too crazy for me, I liked it. The one with Kaeden wasn't so crazy because we were just chilling and hanging out but the one with Javon was. It started off with us arguing about something, I don't know. All of a sudden he pins me against the wall and asks me do I know who the fuck he is. I couldn't even get any words out but it didn't matter because he started kissing me. In between kisses I managed to say his name and he said "hell yea I'm Javon". Before I knew it we was on a bed and taking our clothes off. I couldn't even finish the dream without it turning into a dream about YoungBoy. This dream was different. I was at one of his concerts but I had a VIP Backstage pass, so I saw the concert at a better angle than everyone else. I was screaming so much I thought I wasn't going to have a voice later. When the concert was over I went backstage and saw YoungBoy hitting a blunt. He turns around, sees me, and then says "What's up shorty". "Kentrell, boy you always smoking", I say wrapping my arms around his neck. "I have all bad days, smoking gets me through it, you know this", he says putting his hands on my hips. "Yea, but this show wasn't even bad, everyone liked it, you seen the crowd", I rub my thumb across his forehead's dent. "I ain't got nothing to prove to nobody, i just ain't feel the song this time", he squeezes my waist. "I know baby, just know I'm proud of you and I will always be proud of you", I say. "I know when people are with me or not. Its an instinct", he says, " I know you with me". Those are the last words I recollect prior to us fucking on the couch next to his guns.

I can't help but tell Deja the dreams I had because I tell her everything and these were just out of hand. She tells me what she always does, "it's because you are in love with Javon and Kaeden at the same time, that YoungBoy thing just out of pocket". She be having me rolling with her responses yo, I can't take her seriously.

Since today is Saturday we all planned to go out to eat together. It's really hard for us all to be able to go out and spend time with each other. Between work, school, and personal life there's no time for fun. We not even grown grown yet and we already sacrificing free time. I told my mom this morning that I will be leaving to go with some friends, she tried it but I don't even care what she says anymore.

"Kayla you are not leaving this house", she stops me in the kitchen.

"I am", I say grabbing my Pure Leaf Extra Sweet Tea from out the refrigerator.

"No you are not, I'm not fucking playing with you", she says.

"Bitch I'm not playing with you either, I don't have to watch Warren since you will be home so I am going out...I shouldn't even be explaining myself, I'm leaving", I say pushing past her.

"You not leaving right now", she yells.

"I never said I was leaving right now but when it hits 3 p.m. I will be out of this house", I yell back while going upstairs.

"You aren't leaving, I am your mother you have to listen to me", she yells going up the stairs.

"Don't talk about being a mother, you are everything but a mother", I come out my room to face her.

"I am you and Warren's mother", she yells.

"You was a surrogate", I scream.

"Surrogate, for who, myself", she questions.

"No Brandi, for grandma", I yell.

"Grandma is not your mother, she is my mother dumbass", she said.

"Grandma was more of a mother to me and Warren than you ever will be, you are worthless", I say through tears.