Chicago PD || Fan-fiction

Playing Tough Guy: Chapter 8

A/N: I want to address that this story in no way is meant to romanticize abuse, it is just a part of the main characters life that is obviously very important. Also! Thank you so much for the reviews and support! Trust me, knowing people are enjoying what you are writing makes it so much easier!

There is no amount of training that could have prepared me for this situation. I have no backup, no weapon and no way out. If I run, I'll blow our cover, but if I stay, I'm putting the whole mission at risk.

"Hi," I say, giving him a kind smile before looking him up and down. "I didn't know he was expecting anybody else." Alba drops his hand from my waist and heads to the couch by Perez, I lean up against the wall, slightly popping out my hip. I smirk, "I didn't sign up..." I point between them, "for this."

Perez gives me a pointed look, chuckling a bit, "Don't worry muneca (doll), I was just leaving." He says, thank God, he stands, straightening his coat. He looks me up and down as he walks past me, he whispers in my ear, "But my door is always open." I shiver in disgust, but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm turned on. Once Perez is out of the room, I let out a breath, turning back to face Alba. I need to get out of here as soon as possible, we have the proof we need to connect Alba to the hotel.

"So, who was that?" I ask, returning to my stance against the wall.

Alba stands, making his way towards me, "Just a friend, he owns the hotel," He says softly, trying and failing to be seductive.

"You must be close for him to just show up at your room?" I draw out.

"We have an arrangement..." He says, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me to him. I have to get out of here. He goes in the for the kiss, but I take a step back, accidentally trapping myself between him and the wall. I'm not that committed, this guy is a creep.

"I-I think this was a mistake." I say, crossing him and heading towards door, trying to put some distance between us, and placing a bug on the wall in the process. Before he can object I walk right out the door and I head straight to the elevator, clicking the button impatiently.

By the time I make it to our room, Jay is already there and immediately opens the door for me, pulling me inside. "Great job," He says, shutting the door. "You handled that like a pro, I can't believe Perez was in there."

I sigh, throwing myself on the bed, "Me neither, I had no idea what to do." I laugh a bit, not knowing how else to react.

"I'm glad you're okay." Jay says, giving me a small smile that I easily return. We call Voight and he tells us that we are sticking to the plan of sending Kev and Ruz in tomorrow night, they are going to "buy" a girl for the night, but sneak Jay and I up so that when they come upstairs with the girls we can shut them down and hopefully get to the other girls.

Jay and I spend way too long flipping through random channels before deciding it's pointless, there's nothing ever good on TV anymore. I take a shower instead, I might as well enjoy the gorgeous bathroom while we're here.

I'm that person that spends their entire time in the shower thinking about the day, stressing about the things I should be doing instead of taking a long shower, but right now, I can't think about anything but my dad, which has become a pattern recently. Even though I know Jay will never hurt me, what happened at the bar can't happen again. I'm a cop, I can't break down every time I see a fist fight, and we get into physical altercations with offenders all the time. What happens if I freeze up during an arrest and get someone killed? Maybe I should try going to therapy.

Even if I don't, I'm making the decision now that my dad will no longer control my life. I'm sure there is a way to train your body not to flinch. Maybe Jay and I can fake box for me to work on it? Sounds like a solid plan to me.

I enter the bedroom, fully dressed unlike Jay earlier today, and march up to Jay, "I need you to punch me." I say.

He looks at me like I'm a crazy person, "What?"

"I need you to punch me." I repeat.

He shakes his head, "Yeah, I'm not following."

I start to explain as I brush my hair. "I can't be a good cop if I'm afraid of my own shadow, or yours. So, I need you to pretend to punch me and stuff like that until I stop flinching." He is still looking at me like I have two heads, "I know it's not ideal and kind of crazy, but I have to start somewhere."

He stands up, throwing his hands in the air, "Ok. Whatever you need."

Both of us too wired to sleep, we spend the next hour fake fighting with each other until I finally stop consistently flinching, I can't say that a medical professional would recommend this, but it's proving to be effective.

I take a deep breath, "Ok, time to move on to the harder stuff." Jay looks confused. "I'm going to stand here with my eyes closed and you are going to do something that you think will trigger n episode, I'm going to try to keep it from happening."

"Brooke, I don't think this is a good idea." Jay says, shaking his head.

I groan, "Jay, I'll be fine, you aren't actually going to hurt me." I say. "Now, scare me." I snap, closing my eyes, I brace myself for impact.

All the sudden a hand connect with my throat and I'm pushed against the wall, I shriek, imagining the night I got my burn, but I push down the fear and force my eyes open. My blue orbs meeting Jay's green ones, fear and regret obvious in them. My breathing slows and I feel calm. I did it! I beat it! However, neither of us try to move, we stay there, our faces inches apart, eyes daring each other to look away, for what feels like years. Finally, I manage to squeak out a mess of a sentence. "May-Maybe we should call it a night."

Jay's gaze softens a bit and he moves his hand away from my neck, even though it was barely touching it in the first place. Something feels wrong, I want him back that close to me, now. Jay as different plans, he's gets as far away as he can.

I can't even explain how I feel right now. I'm ecstatic that I was just pinned to a wall and I didn't have a panic attack, but I'm not loving how Jay isn't speaking.

I'm not stupid, I know that I haven't exactly been secretive about how attracted I am to Jay, but he hasn't been either. I've also only known him for four days, even though it feels like I've known him forever, And most importantly, you don't date within' the force. He said himself that he and his last partner had a messy breakup, and she left the unit! How could I put my whole career on the line for a few good dates? I couldn't. I won't. He is my partner, and a damn good one. Why would I want to risk that? I glance at him where he is facing away from me. He's become my rock, I can't loose that because I get distracted by his massive arm muscles. Wow, I'm pathetic. But really though, they are huge.

Jay announces that he's going to sleep, so I climb in bed next to him without any intent of falling asleep. Unfortunately, we don't end up wrapped in each others arms like we did the night before, but it's probably for the best.