Falling For The Fallen

Memories

Bits and pieces of my past were flowing through my mind like a movie. Each clip twisting and turning into a new scene. Memories that I had completely forgotten, or blocked out to escape the emotional damage that came along with them, began to be unearthed. Strangely, some memories had small holes in them. Nearly microscopic holes, but I of course noticed them. It was as if someone was tampering with my memories... But that's too crazy to be true, right?
One memory in particular stood out to me. It made my heart ache, and swell with both love and pain. *A small, doe eyed blonde little girl raced through rows of apple trees, letting out a soft melodic laugh as an older boy with short dirty blonde hair chased after her. My brother and I. I watched as the younger version of myself climbed up into an apple tree to escape her play mate pursuer. The young boy laughed softly and asked her to come down, hoping she wouldn't get hurt. In response to him, she giggled and climbed higher into the apple tree. His smile slowly faltered as she climbed even higher, to the smaller branches up top. The beautiful apple tree's branches swayed in the wind, causing young Saphire to have to fix her footing, and tighten her grip on the small, brittle limbs. "Saphire come down! You're going to get hurt!" He yelled out to her.
She began to get scared as she realized just how high up she had climbed. Tears welled up in her eyes as her fear of heights gripped her very being, suffocating her slowly. "Bubby help!!" She sobbed as a gust of wind rattled the tree. The boy's eyes quickly got as large as saucers as he watched black storm clouds moving in, with his younger sister stuck in the top of a tree. A large clap of thunder echoed off of the mountains in the distance, causing the young girl to let out a loud scream for help. "Saphire oh my god. Someone help!" The boy screamed out in pure panic as he frantically looked around for something to help his sister.
Another angry gust of wind shot whistled in the air loudly. The girls tiny hands slowly began slipping off of the branch she was hanging on to. "Bubby!" She cried out as she desperately tried gripping the branch with her fingertips. The second her small fingertips left the branch, a large purple bolt of lightening shot through the sky, and struck the tree she was holding milliseconds before. Her screams echoed through the forest as she fell.* After that part of the memory, everything was blank. Completely and entirely blank. Like a painting, only half way finished. Or a book, that stopped right at the climax. How had I survived that? If my partner in crime was still around, I would've asked him. My heart clenched at the memory of my brothers small, boyish face. God I miss him. His beautiful little boy in the picture he sent us, looks exactly like he did when he was younger. Words cannot express how proud I am of my brother.
A tiny sliver of a memory was slowly unfolding in front if my eyes. What brought the memory back to life was the woman who got hit by that car. The monumental outline of wings that were burnt into the pavement around her body started a flame within my mind. That tiny flame started a forest fire within the walls of my skull. Igniting each memory, and licking away the things I had thought to be true. The more my mind revealed to me about the memory, the more I doubted everything I have ever seen.
*A beautiful woman was sitting on a large golden throne, crowns and jewels adorning her body. She was absolutely glowing. Long golden blonde hair flowed gracefully down her back in waves. Her wide sea blue eyes held secrets that not even God himself knew. Her utter beauty had only captured my attention for a short season. What really caught my eye, were the large white wings spreading from the middle of her back. They were flawless, larger than the woman herself, and so white that it hurt my eyes looking at them. Similar to the shape of woman's who died. But larger, and more pronounced. She was so far past angelic; She was godly.* It had taken me quite a while to realize that the goddess in my memories was me. My mind raced with scenarios, all pointing to the idea that the memory wasn't a memory at all, but a dream. But I knew better. That was a memory. How did I have wings, and why wouldn't I remember being perched up on a golden throne with beautiful gems adorning my skin?
My entire life was slowly falling apart around me. Today marks four weeks that my mother had been gone. Evidentially this "Business trip" that she was on, was pretty important. I have yet to receive a call, or anything from her. I could be dead, and she wouldn't have the slightest clue. I was officially a murdrer. I had ended someone's life without being able to control myself in the slightest. And to be honest, I don't regret what I did. The bastard got what he deserved. I saved the young girls life. She got back home to her parents perfectly safe, without the slightest scratch. But the scary part about it is, the darkness that pulls in right before I lose myself. I hate how much I love letting myself sink into the dark waters of my mind, and giving in to my murderous day dreams. I was slowly losing my humanity, piece by piece. My own mind was the darkest place I had ever known, and that scared the hell out of me.

A/N: So sorry it's short and late! Please don't give up on me, I'm going through a lot at the moment. Anyway, picture of Saphires wings in her memory above.