Tell Me Your Secrets

Chapter 2

I made it a priority of mine to make sure that Jason doesn't know the real story. He doesn't know how my dad was killed. He doesn't know where my mom is. I assured him that my mom is away for a while and that when she returns, I will move out. I refrain from letting the cat out of the bag, not because I don't trust him enough but for revelations about my past. 

If Jason knows what really happened, the feeling of guilt, the feeling that a turning point could've gone another way is shared. The pain is shared. Above that, his perception of who I am is different. I will show vulnerability and helplessness to someone who would only see me with pity and sympathy. 

The hollow silence is almost disturbing. A part of me wants to break the silence and divulge but there's a stronger part of me that keeps me from doing that. The repercussions of changing our relationship from a mere roommate who willingly helps to one that holds meaning aren't favorable at the moment. 

I sit on the edge of the mattress and sigh, not daring to meet Jason's guilty eyes. Not a moment later, I feel the bed sink beside me. He wants to talk but I can feel his uncertainty. Maybe he understands my reluctance to step beyond the line. 

"What did you see?" my voice barely a whisper.

"Look I'm sorry," my eyes flick towards him in an attempt to encourage him to be truthful, "I shouldn't have gone through your personal belongings. And I know you have things you shouldn't possess. I understand why you wouldn't want to disclose everything at once but I was curious and with the strong barrier you have built around you, I thought you needed someone to talk to. How can I live with someone I don't even know?", he looks me in the eye the whole time, not even breaking the eye contact for a split moment like nothing else matters.

"I- I'm-.", I stutter. I'm at a loss for words. His words feel convincing enough to narrate every moment that brought me here, yet somehow it is threatening. He saw the gun. 

He pulls in for a fleeting hug before uttering, "You know what, let's go out. Hopefully, it will clear the air."

A tight smile spreads across my face and he quickly grabs his car keys.

The neighbors throw spiteful glances at me as I cautiously trudge along the dingy, unkept corridor and I wonder what could possibly run in their minds. 

Jason has a white range rover. His car, with bumps and scratches, is not in its best condition. I remember when he said that he could only afford a second-hand car, hardly succeeding in keeping up with the monthly rent. He is not a car enthusiast and thankfully did not name his car and treat it like a living object.

The engine startles me when it comes to life with a low purr. Jason accelerates it away from our apartment and onto the swarming road. The radio is switched off and I reach out to switch it on to dissipate the tension.

I don't know how picky Jason is when it comes to music. As far as I know, he hates the songs I try playing on the guitar, so I assume we don't agree on the same genre and style. I dissolve in the silence as I watch vehicles speed past us and the night sky looming above us.

~~~

"We're here", Jason wakes me up with a soft nudge.

I'm glad I took a power nap after the emotionally exhausting event.

It has been a habit of ours to spend time at the coffee shop situated around the less populated area of the city. I don't even try to second-guess our destination as I am certain Jason has no other place in mind. 

The boldness of the coffee and sweetner is intoxicating in the compact coffee shop. The aesthetic here is something I always admire. The walls are simplistic with a seamless arrangement of red bricks amalgamated with cement. The ceiling is a labyrinth of exhaust pipes. Filament lamps dot the rather inky ceiling illuminating the room with a warm golden glow. The architecture is raw and welcoming. Colossal abstract paintings sit at the center of the walls completing the perfect picture. The fawn timber tables are chairs are arranged in apple-pie order with mostly two seats each.