My Crazy Ex [박지민] under editing

chapter 31 regrets

• akrasia = the lack of self control

I sat on the bed looking blankly at the wall infront of me. I feel terrible. I feel like I want to hide myself in a cucoon and never come out.

I should have thought about what I said. I should have showed him that I truly would give him another chance. He must feel hurt.

But there is still a part of me who thinks that maybe he should have considered going back with me. Why did he say he can't?

I could help him with anything and if he is scared of yoongi then I could talk to him. I'm sure he will spare him.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and laid down. I wonder where he went. And why so late?

I heard sounds from downstairs and it sounded like the front door being opened. He is probably home. It is now 2 in the morning, he came home so late. It was 9 when he left.

I heard him stumbling up the stairs. I heard the room door open after hearing staggering footsteps. My eyebrows furrowed.

He was breathing heavily and leaning on the door frame. Wait, did he run or did the stairs make him that tired? He walked in, not really being able to keep his ballence.

He lost his ballence and fell over so I quickly rushed to him, to help him up.

"Are you alright?" I asked quickly pulling him off the floor and helping him sit on the bed. He subly nodded.

Being that close, I smelt a strong stench from his clothes and his breath. Alcohol? Is he drunk? I furrowed my eye brows and glanced at him. Why did he go out to drink? Was he that upset?

"Jimin?" I called. He glanced at me hastily.

"Why are you drunk?" I questioned. He didn't say anything. I saw he almost fell when he tried to get up. I quickly rushed to help him up. He shrugged me off and made his way to the door.

I worriedly glanced at him as I saw him struggling. He reached the door and fell against it when he lost his ballence.

I rushed to help him but he kept pushing me away.

"Stop I can do it myself" he slurred using the wall to help himself off the floor. It was almost funny. But I was still really worried.

He opened the bedroom door but I pushed it shut again. He glared at me.

"You can't leave it's seriously dangerous for you to be walking around while you're drunk" I stated dispite his looks of disapproval. He scoffed.

"I don't care" he slurred staggering backwards.

"You need to stay in here" I stated not agreeing with him leaving the room. I don't want him to fall and hurt him self. He could break something.

"Shut up!" He yelled, and my eyes widened.

I jumped when I heard the sound of glass shattering. My eyes shot opened hearing the sudden sound.

I looked back to see an angry face glaring at me.

"You- you said you don't love me" he stuttered pointing at me.

"After all the love l gave you, after protecting you from your stupid friend! You want to still leave me" he cried aiming his fist at the door. It created a small dent in the pine wood and then faced me again.

"I am only in this state because of you!" He screamed throwing something else from the table besides him across the room. It made another loud noise and landed with a loud thump.

Judging by his face I am assuming he was aiming that at me, but his aims aren't good becuase he was still drunk.

I knew that what I said would have made him upset but I didn't think it would hurt him this badly. I slowly stepped backwards to avoid annoying him in any way.

"You- you said you don't love me" he stuttered pointing at me.

"You're so ungrateful to what I do for you" he spat walking towards me. My eyes widened. Why is he speaking like this? He isn't in his right mind.

"Jimin you're drunk, you need to rest" I assured trying to snap him out of it. He was still unable to stand properly under the influence so why is he arguing?

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing" he snapped pushing his face close to mine.

His breath reeked of alcohol and I wondered, how much did he really have to drink? I faced the other way in disgust.

"Go to bed" I pressed, pulling him to the bed so he could lay down. He pushed me off and stood up. I fell on the floor infront of him.

"Leave me alone, you need to answer me" he gritted pulling me up by the arm and making me face him. My eyes widened because I didn't realize he had strength.

I went silent because I don't want him to lash out. I can't forget that he doesn't know what he is doing.

"Why do you keep on trying to leave me?" He asked raising his brow. I didn't know how to answer him because I love him but I know it's not good for me. He laughed and then let go of me, pushing me away.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to answer, it's because you don't love me. Isn't it!?" He screamed. I shuffled towards the door of the room. Maybe I could quickly leave.

I shook my head and used a table to help me stand up. He locked his eyes with mine and stalked closer. I took a step back and then paused.

"Stop lying" he lowly said. I was already standing right besides the door. I can just quickly leave. I quickly broke eye contact and quickly ran to the door.

I almost reached the door handle but then a iron grip clamped my shoulder and I was thrown into the wall.

"Where you going!?" He raged, my shoulder feeling like it was going to break.

"Sorry-" my head was thrown to the side and my hand came up to my cheek. I rested my back againt the wall and slid down on the floor.

"Get up!" He hissed dragging me up. I felt my cheek wet and realised it was tears. Does he know what he is doing? What about the promise?

"Stop hurting me! You're breaking your promise!" I shrieked, more tears forming in my eyes. Why is he breaking his promise!? He promised to never hurt me again, that he wanted to change!

"I don't care about a stupid promise! I care about you wanting to leave me" he yelled louder glaring at me. I felt tears falling down my face and I quickly wipped them away.

How could he say that?

He doesn't know what he is saying! He doesn't know what he is saying!-

"Stop saying that! I know you don't mean it!" I cried covering my ears with my hands. His expression never altered and his cold face remained.

"I meant every fu*king word" he seethed.

I quickly shoved him out of the way and ran into the bathroom. I quickly locked the door and then heard loud banging.

"Open this door! I'm not done yet" he screamed banging his fist againt the door. I huddled on the floor besides the sink. Is what he said true? People say when you're drunk you say what you really feel. Did he lie about trying to change?

I should have left when I could! I should never have let him take me back. I heard the banging on the door stop. He is probably tired now. I inhaled deeply and hugged my knees.

I felt my eyes closing fell asleep.