Cliché (Dan Howell/Danisnotonfire)

Chapter 38- Tied down

This month had been eventful, tiring, but the best thing about it... Was that it was over.

Things were looking up. Noah had been informed, and was totally fine but decided on going to a different interior designers place. Jess told me what was going on, all of it, and I accepted that and now she's getting help, and thank the Lord she broke up with Sonny. Dan and I were engaged, even after I told him I cheated on him he still loved me and went through with the proposal with kind of made my heart melt just a little.

But the last thing in my list now, was the one thing I hoped would just be erased from time. Dan leaving. The airport was noisy and crowded, and everyone seems to be moving at the speed of light. But as me and Dan stood in the midst of it all... Everything was slower. Tears filled both of our eyes as we stared helplessly at each other. There was nothing we could do at this point.

All attempts for Dan to stay here for longer were useless. He had a YouTuber convention to go to, and I had to get back to work. It was hopeless. The announcement for Dans flight came on, and a rush of pain flooded through my veins.

"I'll miss you so much" I sob, holding Dans head in my hands. He was more of a man about the situation, but his eyes were still glassy.

"I'll miss you too" He whispers, kissing me, hard. I was going to miss this. Random kisses, 'I love you's' being face to face, just being around him.

"I love you, call me as soon as you get in" I yell, as he begins to walk away into the crowd of people.

"I love you too!!" He yells, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. Putting my hands in the shape of a heart, he copies my actions, before turning away and walking out of sight.

I only realise I was staring where Dan left when jess pulled on my arm, urging for me to move away from the massive crowd of people. Tears fall freely from my eyes. I had no reason to hide the pain I felt right now, people could judge me all they like, surely they've been in love.

After finally tearing my eyes from the corridor, of which Dan left from, me and Jess begin the sad walk from the busy terminal to the boiling hot carpark, where the suns rays reflected off of every car. Being angry at everything was surely not healthy, and it was making me angry. God save me.

After huffing and puffing throughout the whole car journey, we made it back home. But it wasn't home was it? Home was where my heart belonged, and that was with Dan. Only when I was with Dan did my bed feel warmer, my living room felt more like it was to be... lived in.

Walking to my room, I shove off my handbag, and get straight into my pjamas, despite the early hours of the day. After stripping myself of my makeup, and shutting out any light source from entering into my little 'cave'. Who said it was only meant to be a man cave? In my situation, it felt perfectly reasonable for me to wallow in my own cave of pity.

Like a worm, I curl up in my duvet, and turn on my phone, scrolling through endless One Direction tumblr accounts. The pain was still evident in my heart, yet it only seemed easier to block it out. I had 2 weeks of Christmas holidays left, and I was going to put it to good use. On the internet.

I felt like my teenage self again, scrolling through tumblr, till there was nothing to scroll anymore. It made me subconciously want my pastel hair back, my nagging mother, the cold weather, endless hours of A-Level English literature course work.

Only after hours and hours of wallowing in my own self pity, I realised I was only in my twenties, and in Australia, not on holiday, on work. Wanting my old life back, I close my eyes, and let more and more tears slip down my cheeks, and onto the soft sheets of my bed.

I wanted to get out, everything was too much for me and all I wanted to do is escape, and go home.

But no. Work was keeping me tied down, and I let getting older get in the way of being young, and living life the way it was intended. God, why couldn't I live in the 80's. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll. It all seemed easier that way. In some way I envied my mother, and how her life must have a damnsight easier than mine was.

~~~

2 Weeks later.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I realise what a mess I was. Dressed in my black pencil skirt, with my white shirt tucket neatly into it, I looked reasonable. However my eyes were dull, my hair was scraggy, and my skin was pale.

Shaking my head, I slip on my shoes and leave the house, making my way to the car. The sun was shining, as usual, and te sound of the sea was comforting, but not enough to ease my troubles. Sighing, I find myself leaning my head on the steering wheel, and regretting any decisions I ever made.

In my time of desperate hope, I call Dan, for the 8th time this week.

"Hello?" His voice was just as low, and un motivated as mine.

"Dan" I sniffle, wiping my nose with the underside of my hand.

"Erin? Whats wrong?" He asked in a panic.

"I-I don't know what I'm even doing anymore, I'm twenty fucking three and I'm out working in a massive business... I don't even know" I groan, rubbing my tired eyes.

"You my love are having what I describe as an existencial crisis" He chuckles.

"Your not helping" I sigh, even though just his voice made me just a little bit happier.

"Babe..." He whispers, probably just feeling sad for the shit hole I seem to be in "Do what makes you happy, whatever your heart is telling you, follow it, it's saying that for a reason" He justifies. Never did I think Dan could say something so wise.

"Thanks Danny" I smile into the phone "I love you" I say.

"I love you too baby" He whispers. Hanging up, I drive straight to work, knowing what I needed to do.

~~

"Hey Erin! I had plans to go shopping later! Come with?" Stacey chirps, following after me.

"I would love to, but I've got things to do, people to see " I half smile.

"Nevermind, I'm heading to sydney next week we can get some coffee and stuff, interest you yet?" She giggles. Even though I loved Stacey, I couldn't go on like this.

"I would... but I don't think I'm going to be here that long" I wink.

Walking into my office, I start to sign papers... of resignation.

Picking up the phone, I call the building over in Britain.

"Interior Industry how can I help you?"

"Nancy hi! It's Erin"

"Of course Erin! I'll pass you through to Evan now" The annoying music came on, before it passed on through to Evan.

"Erin! I've been meaning to give you a ring actually, we have some new sofa's coming in from Norway and I need you t-"

"Evan I'm resigning" I cut him off, as my palms grow sweaty and my heart beat increases.

"Your resigning? Your my best I've had in years!" I exclaims.

"I'm 23, I want to live my life while I have one, I'm sending my papers through to you after this call, I'm sorry Evan but I quit, have a nice life" I sigh, hanging up the phone.

A sigh of relief escaped my dry lips as I lean back in my chair, finally.