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｡･:*:★,｡･:*:･☆SPENCER REID
LILAC ENDED UP NOT SAYING another word for the rest of the day. When she came back after walking Dove's mother to the emergency room, her face was blank and emotionless as ever. My heart broke knowing what she was doing—masking the pain and grief by just acting cold instead. It was a defense mechanism, and a familiar one to me.
I wasn't sure what had happened over there, but all I knew was that I went outside and saw that woman practically strangling Lilac. She was actually dying, and for a moment I actually thought she'd faint—which was why I was so angry in the first place. Lilac was just a college student, not even an FBI agent—she shouldn't have to go through this because of me. I was the one who took her here in the first place, and I could already tell that this whole experience had been nothing but traumatizing for Lilac.
It's not like I didn't think Lilac could handle this, it's just that I didn't want her to. She didn't need to worry about something that she wasn't in charge of, unlike the rest of the BAU. But of course, I knew Lilac was someone who took things really hard on herself...and I knew she was blaming herself for what had happened. Dove had died...and Lilac was the only person on the team that had gotten close to the girl. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling—the guilt crushed me.
But I didn't even know what to do to help. I tried to talk to her, but she just brushed it off and said she didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't physically comfort her, because I wasn't sure if she'd feel comfortable being touched at a time like this. I could do so many things for her, but I just wasn't sure if she needed space or not.
So when we got back to the hotel that night, neither of us said a single word to the other. I felt like I was slowly suffocating, wishing she'd at least say something to me other than, "can I shower first?" or, "can I turn off the light?"
And now, it was completely dark and the two of us were laying in bed and on opposite sides of the other. Lilac had her back turned to me, and all I could do is longingly stare at her backside, wishing she'd go back to normal. I wanted to roll over to her side and hold her so badly—I knew I'd done it this morning but I wasn't even awake to treasure how it felt to have her in my arms.
After a while of silence, I heard a quiet sniffle. It was very faint, and if I hadn't been staring at her I probably would've missed it. A few seconds later though, another sniffle followed, and it was muffled like she was trying to cover it. I darted up from the bed immediately, my heart shattering in to pieces. She was crying.
I laid there in silence, still staring at her back as she cried quietly, probably thinking that I hadn't noticed. I waited for a little, letting her cry it out without worrying about me judging her, before speaking up.
