personal best || harry styles au

seven

Holmes Chapel hadn't felt like home to Harry in a long time. In fact, there wasn't anywhere that had felt like home to Harry but there was somewhere, and a few 'someones', that were starting to bring back a feeling he'd been craving for many years now. However, he wasn't sure if those 'someones' felt the same about him, especially not recently; Harry had been acting like a top-grade wanker. He'd been ignoring calls, lying about being busy and not being around when he should've been.
The creak of a door pulled Harry back to reality.
"What are you doing here?"
Harry swallowed down the words that threatened to spill out, "Hey, Dad. I- uh- I thought I'd pop by- see how you were."
"After three years?"
"Can I come in?"
Robert opened the door, ushering Harry in. "Don't forget-"
"-to take off my shoes, I know."
"I don't have much in."
"It's okay, 'm alright anyway." Harry didn't recognise any of the decor in the hallway as he had a quick glance around. "Look, I- I wanted to talk to you about something." He followed his dad into the lounge, taken aback at how unfamiliar this room also felt. "You got rid of the green?"
"Uh, yeah." Robert ran a finger along the wall, "Few years back."
"There's no pictures either?" If Harry closed his eyes for long enough, he was instantly transported back into the sage green living room he'd spent the majority of his childhood in and, if he tried even harder, he could also hear the sound of his mum's voice softly singing along to whatever song was on the radio.
"Most of them are in the attic." Robert sat back into the brown and worn leather armchair, resting his arms on either side of it like a Bond villain.
"Maybe I can go up and have a look? It would be nice to have some photos of Mu-"
"-not today. I need to organise it all first, see if there's anything to be thrown out."
"Why would you throw anything out?"
"What did you want to talk about?"
Harry sighed, "I have a daughter, Edie. She's just turned five and she- she's great."
"What?"
"I didn't- I didn't know until recently."
"Why are you telling me?"
"'It's what Mum would-"
"-you don't get to talk about her, okay? Not here. Not to me."
"Dad-"
"-no." Robert stood up, "What are you looking for here? My approval? Do what you want, Harry, you have done for a very long time."
"What's that 'spose to mean?"
"You're selfish, Harry."
"What?" Harry could take criticism but, when it came to his dad, he took everything personally.
"Your mother was dying and you kept on touring- not giving a shit."
"She- she told me to, I didn't want to-"
"-bullshit. You wanted to and she knew that. She was always too soft on you, let you get away with whatever. You knew touring was the wrong thing to you and yet you did it anyway."
"That's not true."
"If you've come here for approval for having some 'bastard' child with a stranger, you won't get it."
"What did you say?" Harry's fists were clenched so tightly against his side that his knuckles had turned white.
"It would've been her birthday last week, did you forget that?"
"What, no?" Robert's words hit Harry like a tonne of bricks. He couldn't believe it. "No- of course not."
"You did, it's all over your face." Robert scoffed, sitting back down into the imprint he'd left in his chair, "Too busy playing the fantasy of 'perfect dad' to your illegitimate child, I imagine."
"Fuck you." Harry stood up, "You don't get to talk about her like that."
"I can talk about her however I want, she's nothing to do with me."
"She's your fucking grandchild.."
"Not if I don't want her." Robert got up, "Is that why you came here? To try and seek my approval?"
"No, I just- I thought- I thought it was the right thing to do." There were so many things that Harry wanted to say but none of it seemed to be coming out.
"Well, it wasn't. I don't care what you do with your life, Harry; you chose yourself over this family a long time ago."
"Says you." Harry gestured around the room, "Nobody would know you had a family from this fucking padded cell you're living in. You've not got one photograph of Mum on the walls, not one - it's like you're trying to forget her."
"You don't get to come traipsing back here, seeking redemption for being such a selfish narcissist, and try to make me look like the bad guy, Harry. You came looking for my approval for having a 'bastard' child and you're not getting it."
Before Harry could react with words, his hands had already pushed his dad up against the wall. "Fuck you." There were so many emotions whizzing around Harry's brain, he thought he was going to faint. He shook his head, dropped his hands from his dad's shoulders and hurried out of the room, making sure to grab his shoes before quickly dashing out of the front door.
***
Maddie was super pleased with herself that she'd managed to secure a parking spot right outside the church, trying to get Edie into the building in one piece without risking any damage to her homemade star costume was already going to be risky enough without adding any extra distance.
"Right, let's get you inside, Missy." Maddie unbuckled her seatbelt, turning around to see a glum-looking Edie staring out the window, "Hey, what's up? We need our star to be shining."
"Did Harry reply?"
"Oh, sweetheart." Maddie reached out to give Edie's leg a reassuring squeeze, "He'll show up, I know he will." She got out of the car, hurrying around to Edie's side to help her out of the car. "Let's just worry about getting inside without leaving a trail of silver glitter behind us."
"And Nanny and Grandad are already in there?"
"Uncle Ru, too." Maddie took hold of Edie's hand, looking twice before crossing the road, "They wanted to grab front row seats to see their little star." Maddie smiled as she felt Edie squeeze her hand, she gave her a soft squeeze back and hurried up the church steps.
The church was completely lit up with candles, Christmas trees and smiles from parents, teachers and children; the entire room was filled with festive cheer and an excited buzz. Through the sea of faces, Maddie clocked her parents waving at her from the top of the altar, she gripped Edie's hand a little tighter as she weaved her way through the crowd.
"There's our glittery angel!" David crouched down, readjusting Edie's costume, "You look like a million bucks, Edie."
"I'm a little nervous." Edie wiped some loose glitter off her cheek, "There's a lot of people here."
Ru jumped out of his seat, "Hey, the best thing for that is to imagine everybody-"
"-Ru! She's five." Maddie slapped him on the arm, "Totally inappropriate."
"Obviously, I wasn't going to say that."
***
Mary and Joseph were just starting their trip to Bethlehem when Maddie felt a warm presence slide into the seat beside her. Harry. She hadn't seen him in almost a week and it surprised her just how much her heart hurt because of how much she'd missed him.
"Hey, is everything okay? I wasn't sure if you were going to make it." Maddie whispered, being careful not to annoy any parents sitting around them.
"Sorry." Harry's voice matched her whisper.
"Are you okay?" Maddie tentatively rested her hand on his thigh.
Harry's nod was so subtle, Maddie almost confused it for a twitch. She was about to take her hand away when she felt Harry's fingers wrap around hers, pulling them closer to his chest.
"Here she comes!" Maddie sat forward a little to get a clearer view.
Edie's arms floated up and down as she walked onto the stage, the flapping of her movements gave off thousands of glittering reflections as she approached the three wise men.
"I have a- appeared to you to tell you that a new ruler has been born." Edie's eyes scanned the crowd of people, "If you follow me, I will lead you to him." Her eyes met Maddie's and a smile spread across her lips, she then noticed Harry and her smile grew even wider. Harry lifted his hand up as if to say hi, which Edie eagerly copied.
"Bright star? Star, where- where are we going?" One of the wise men looked particularly worried.
"Oh, sorry." Edie slowly flapped her arms again, "We are going to Bethlehem! Follow me!"
***
Maddie could not contain how proud she felt as Edie bounded over to her after the Nativity had ended, she felt like she was going to burst. She picked her up, kissed her cheeks and pulled her into a tight hug.
"Did you like it?" Edie giggled.
"You were amazing, Edes." Maddie's smile couldn't get any wider. "Best star there's ever been!"
The rest of the family all spoke in unison, complimenting Edie on how well she performed her lines; the only person who hadn't said anything was Harry - and everyone had noticed.
Maddie raised an eyebrow, "Harry?" His eyes flicked to hers. "What did you think?"
"Yeah, really good." The corners of his mouth twitched, "Well done, Ede."
Hannah stepped forward, taking hold of Edie. "C'mon, sweetheart, let's go look at some of the Christmas trees." Ru and David followed behind, picking up any noticeable chunks of glitter that fell off Edie's costume.
The sound of nattering parents brought comfort to Maddie in what would have been an awkward and quiet moment between herself and Harry, had they not been there; she couldn't help but start to feel annoyed with Harry's cold behaviour.
"So, is everything alright?" Maddie cleared her throat.
"I think just gonna head back to Carmel's." Harry scuffed the toe of his shoe against the stone floor. "Just not been a good day." He kept his head down as he dodged through the crowd.
Not taking things to heart was something that Maddie struggled with greatly; there had been many occasions in her life where she'd let her emotions get the better of her - now was no exception. Before the logical part of her brain could convince her otherwise, she had followed Harry outside and was flagging him down just outside of the church gates.
"Do you not remember me saying to you that parenting isn't something you can turn on and off?"
"What?" Harry pulled his brows closely together.
"It's Edie's first Nativity: you show up late, you don't act the least bit interested and, once she'd finished, you barely paid her an ounce of attention. She was so excited for you to be there, Harry."
"Maddie, I've not-"
"-yeah, you said you've not had a good day but that doesn't excuse it? You know why? 'cause you also said that you wanted to be involved and-"
"-I forgot my mum's birthday." Within seconds of finishing his sentence, Harry's face crumpled and there were floods of tears brimming at his eyes. "I forgot her birthday, Mads."
Maddie pulled Harry's head into the crook of the neck, smoothing down the curls at the back of his head as she shushed him gently. She didn't know what to say or what to do, she had no idea how he felt; all she could try and do was try and comfort the broken boy sobbing into her Christmas jumper.
***
Harry shot upwards in his bed, grabbing at the t-shirt that had stuck to his sweaty skin.
"Hey, hey." Maddie's voice called out to him, "It's okay."
"Wha- what time is it?" Harry tried to calm his ragged breathing.
"Almost eight."
He reached out to the bedside table, flicking on the lamp to provide some light to the dark room. Maddie was sat on the armchair by the window with a blanket draped over her legs and her hair pulled up into a messy bun.
"You're- you're here? Why are you here?" The sound of the rain pelting against the window made Harry jump as he pulled back the duvet, suddenly realising he had no memory of changing into his pyjamas.
"I couldn't leave you, Harry. You were- I couldn't leave you."
"'m sorry I've been shit, Mad. Not just yesterday but recently." Harry cleared his throat, "'s been a funny time and I- 've just been all over the place."
"Well, you're here now." Maddie stood up, stretching out her arms.
Without realising, Harry's eyes had travelled down Maddie's body - skipping over the fact that she was wearing his t-shirt, he would revisit that later - and landed on the exposed strip of her stomach just above the seam of her underwear; her milky skin looked so soft and inviting as she let out a loud yawn.
"You're uh- my t-shirt?"
"Sorry, I should've asked-"
"-no, it looks good on you. Keep it."
There were two loud knocks on the door before it swung open and in walked Carmel carrying a tray of various breakfast items. "Good morn-" She let out a startled scream, almost dropping her tray in the process. "-Mary Mother of Jesus! My eyes are shut! I've not seen anything." Carmel tried to back out of the room, knocking into the wall as she shuffled backwards.
"Carmel, it's fine." Harry hurried over to her, taking the tray out of her hands, "'s'all totally innocent."
Maddie, now sporting an incredibly flushed cheek look, wrapped a blanket around her waist, "Morning, Carmel. I- uh- I didn't know you provided room service?"
"I don't, usually." Carmel walked over to the unmade bed, grabbing a few stray scatter cushions from off the floor, "But myself and Harry have gotten into a routine of having morning catch ups; I provide the breakfast and the town gossip and he... well, he provides the company."
"Hey, don't forget the listening." Harry took a bite of his toast, "You're always saying what a good listener I am."
Maddie picked up her jeans from off the floor, shimmying them on whilst also trying to keep hold of the blanket. She could feel her cheeks growing redder and redder by the second as she felt Harry's eyes on her, studying her every move. "Right, well, I'll be off. Have a good- good breakfast and catch-up." Maddie quickly grabbed the rest of her belongings as she hurried over to the door, trying her best to balance everything in one hand whilst she fumbled around to find the handle with the other.
***
Edie was far too interested in the fact that it was cold enough for her to see her breath when she blew out that she hadn't even noticed her mum approach the table carrying two takeaway cups and a small, white paper bag.
"Right, I've got a mint hot chocolate for me, a small hot chocolate - with extra marshmallows - for you." Maddie put down one of the cups in front of Edie, grabbing her attention, "And a gingerbread Santa for us to share."
"Thank you." Edie took hold of her cup, blowing into the hole in the lid to cool it down.
"Do you want the half with Santa's head or his boots?"
"Um, his head, please." Edie took hold of her half, admiring the use of a yellow Smartie to act as the pom-pom on his hat. She looked inside the window of the cafe, taking notice of how the fairy lights twinkled against the glass to make it look like they were tiny fireworks; her eyes widened as she spotted someone familiar at the counter.. "Mummy, it's Josh! In the cafe!"
"Oh, that's nice." Maddie sipped at her drink, "Well, hopefully, he doesn't-"
"-hey, you two." Josh flashed a quick half-smile in Maddie's direction, "How have you both been?"
"It was my Nativity yesterday!" Edie's face lit up, "I was the star!"
"That's amazing, Swede. I bet you smashed the role!"
Edie giggled into her cup as she took a gulp of her hot chocolate.
"Don't let us keep you, Josh." Maddie raised her eyebrows at him, "I'm sure you've got things to do."
Josh quickly muttered a goodbye and, immediately, Maddie felt herself relax. She knew it wouldn't be long before she ended up forgiving Josh for what happened, she hated holding grudges.
"Mummy..."
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"I want to make Harry a scrapbook for Christmas; Nanny said we could print off some photos and then I could write in some bits about them. Do you think he would like that?"
"Absolutely. I'd think he'd love it."
Edie couldn't hide her excitement as she took another swig of her drink; her mind was already whirring a thousand miles a minute thinking about how she was going to decorate the scrapbook. As she bit down onto her gingerbread Santa, Edie was already convincing herself that this was going to be the best Christmas ever.