personal best || harry styles au

eleven

All Harry wanted for his birthday was to be with his two girls.
Instead, he had found himself - convinced by Lizzie - about to appear on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show to address some of the questions that surrounded the 'mystery' of Edie. He had already told Lizzie the two words he had wanted to answer every question with but she told him expletives were not suitable for a radio show - especially not one that aired this early in the morning. She'd also told him to avoid answering any questions about Maddie - there was little the world didn't already know about Maddie after most of her personal information had been leaked to the press but he agreed, for Maddie's sake.
"Right, you're on after this song." Lizzie put her hands on either of Harry's shoulders, flashing a reassuring smile, "Just like we practised, okay?"
Lizzie had thrown so many practice questions Harry's way on the car ride over to the studios that he felt like he was about to interview for a new job.
"Just like we practised, Liz." Harry mirrored Lizzie's smile - though his was much less natural - and headed into the main recording booth.
Jake Golde, the presenter of the breakfast show, was a total knob. Everybody knew it, nobody said it. His dad was a massive rockstar back in the day so he had an air of 'untouchable-ness' about him - and didn't he know it. Harry had seen how Jake treated people at various events and even at work, it made his blood boil. Harry had pleaded with Lizzie for any other radio show but she said that because 'Radio 1's coverage was much larger than the others the pros outweighed the cons'.
"H-dog, my man!" Jake grabbed Harry's hand, pulling him in close and patting him on the back, "How ya been, dude? Crazy stuff, all this baby shit. The mum's hella fit, though. Good choice"
Harry narrowed his eyes, "Thank you?"
Jake passed Harry a pair of headphones before sliding back into his seat, adjusting a few of the dials in front of him. "Right, you ready? Promise I'll go easy on you."
Harry nodded, clearing his throat as he slipped on the headphones.
"Right, that was 'Before You Go' by Lewis Capaldi, a personal favourite of mine and- well, maybe my current guest likes it too? Harry Styles, birthday boy, what do you think of that song?" Jake looked over to him, awaiting a response.
"Oh- right- uh, yeah. It's a good track." Harry edged forward on his chair.
Jake forced a laugh, looking behind him to make sure they were live. "Anyway, Harry, my man. Back to the reason you're here. You- uh- you dropped quite a bombshell on the world about a month ago, I think I'm right in saying so. For the people who don't know, Harry, can you fill them in on what I mean?"
Harry ran his tongue across his bottom lip, "Yeah, I- I posted a picture of- of my daughter, Edie, to Instagram. Uh- yeah, kinda blew up and-"
"-are you surprised it 'blew up', Harry? Really?" Jake raised an eyebrow, "You're currently one of the world's biggest names in music and you- did you really expect this to not be a big thing?"
"No, obviously, I- obviously, I knew people would take interest." All Harry could think about was how clammy his hands were and how fast his heart was beating, "I just didn't realise people would expect to be told so much about such uh- a private topic."
"Speaking on wanting to be told more about the topic, funnily enough." Jake pulled out a few pieces of card from a drawer beside him, hitting them down on the desk so they all lined up, "I've been allowed to come up with three questions that I'd like to ask, if that's okay."
"Fire away, Jake."
Jake cleared his throat, "My first question is: are you going to quit the music industry to become a full-time dad?"
Truthfully, Harry had barely thought about his career in music since finding out about Edie. He'd written a few songs here and there but his mind had never lingered long on the idea of going on another tour or squirreling himself away for months whilst he wrote and recorded a new album. "Uh- no- 'm not gonna quit but I will have a rethink about certain aspects to do with the industry."
Jake nodded, seeming content with the answer given. "Next question - this one's a two-parter: firstly, are you and Tammy DeLahaute still together? Secondly, how did she take the news of Edie?"
"No, myself and Tammy are not together and uh- I haven't spoken to her in a while so can't answer the second question, sorry." Harry took a long swig of water, grateful for the relief it gave his dry throat.
"Okay, final question before we break!" Jake looked down at the card, pausing for a while to let his eyes soak in the words in front of him. "Harry, your last question, do you think your mum would've liked Edie?"
Harry was completely thrown off-guard. He'd practised answering all kinds of questions with Lizzie but not this one. Not this topic. He screwed his eyes up tightly as he tried to steady his breathing. Not here, not here, he chanted. He wanted Maddie. She'd know what to say, what to do.
"Harry?" Jake threw a pen in Harry's direction causing his eyes to shoot open.
"Sorry, I- lost meself there." He swallowed down the growing lump in his throat, "Yeah, your question, yes. My mum-" Harry's voice cracked but he tried to style it out with a quiet cough, "-she'd have loved Edie, adored her."
***
Harry hadn't spoken in the car ride back to his house. He wouldn't have been able to get a word in edgeways, even if he'd wanted to, because of Lizzie's non-stop ranting; she was absolutely appalled that Jake Golde - 'of all people' - had asked a final question like that.
"Just wait until I call his agent, Harry." Lizzie's heels clacked against Harry's hallway floor, "You'll get an apology spelt out in the sky when I'm done with him, that spineless little shit."
"Liz, 's fine." Harry fell back into the sofa, craving the cuddle of an apple-smelling five year old, "That guy's a dick, everyone knows it. D'ya think it went well though, apart from that?"
"Yeah, I do." Lizzie perched on the ottoman in the corner of the room, "I don't think the questions were that good and, so, I think people will still demand more from you but-" She shrugged her shoulders, "-what can you do?"
***
Maddie had been a nervous wreck all morning and, now it had reached the afternoon, she was still a mess. She'd tuned into the breakfast show just as Harry had been introduced, listening intently to the way his voice had the ability to sound so rough and so velvety smooth at the same time. Her mind had been so taken with the fact that Harry's voice had given her goosebumps that she'd almost missed the final question. Harry's reaction had been playing on her mind all morning.
"Mum, is Harry really forty-two today?" Edie cocked her head, glancing down at the birthday card she'd spent the morning making.
"What?" Maddie looked up from her thoughts, "Where have you-"
"-Uncle Ru told me."
"Uncle Ru also told you that if you swallow watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow in your tummy." Maddie knelt down beside Edie, admiring the unfinished card, "Harry's twenty-six today, lovely." She smoothed her hand down Edie's hair, placing a kiss at the top of her head. "Y'know, Edes, you can call him 'Dad' if you want, he wouldn't mind."
"I know." Edie grabbed a purple felt tip.
Maddie rested her chin on Edie's shoulder, wrapping her arms around Edie's little frame. She gave her a tight squeeze, hoping Edie could feel the love that came with the cuddle.
Knock, knock.
Edie shot up, causing a few pens to fling across the room. "I'll get it!"
Maddie quickly tidied up, grabbing Edie's card and tucking it under her arm. She hurried into the hallway, just in time to catch Harry sweeping Edie up into a big bear hug. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, gently swinging her side to side as he smoothed a hand down the back of her head.
"I've missed ya, Edes." Harry's eyes widened as he spotted Maddie, plonking Edie down carefully, "You too, Mads."
"We listened to you on the radio this morning, Harry!" Edie giggled, "Your voice sounded so funny coming out the speakers."
Maddie managed to mouth a 'you okay?' to Harry in the split-second glance he threw her way, he forced out a quick nod before focusing back on Edie. "Well, thank you for listening. Have you both had a nice morning?"
Edie nodded, "Me and Mummy have been in the kitchen making your ca- uh- no-" She turned to Maddie, "-Mum, I can't remember what you told me to say instead."
"We have been making-" Maddie stepped forward, trying to ignore the smirk that she could see was plastered across Harry's bubblegum pink lips, "-your card!" She held up the fully decorated piece of paper, handing it over to Harry.
"Oh, wow!" He raised his eyebrows, "This is amazing, Edes."
"Uh, I actually helped draw the stars - just saying." Maddie suppressed a giggle.
"They are amazing stars, Mad. Well done!" Harry's voice was laced with sarcasm as he flashed her a quick wink. He bent down, listening intently as Edie talked him through the entire creative process of creating his birthday card.
***
Harry was halfway through opening his birthday presents when the doorbell rang.
"That'll be the takeaway!" Hannah got up.
Ru and David rushed out of the room, giggling like school-children. Closely followed by Edie, who was exclaiming that she wanted to help dish up the noodles because they looked like worms.
Maddie rested her hand on Harry's knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before getting up, "You hungry?"
"I meant what I said, Mad." Harry let out a deep sigh, "On- on the radio. She'd have loved Edie. Loved you too."
"Harry-"
"-come on, let's eat." Harry got up, taking hold of Maddie's hand in his own.
"I'm just going to grab a jumper, bit chilly." Maddie excused herself to run upstairs.
Harry had seriously lucked out finding a family in the Crofts: Ru was easily one of his closest friends; Hannah was such a kind-hearted and gentle person; David was the father he'd wished he had; Edie radiated kindness and Maddie was just Maddie. Harry felt totally comfortable in their presence and knew he could go to any one of them with an issue. It was a strange feeling, one he'd never felt before.
"Harry, was it you who ordered the chow mein?" David held up the tub.
"Fortune cookies!" Hannah exclaimed, "Oh, we've got one each! Harry, darling, you pick first as you're the birthday boy." She held out her hand which was filled with six golden wrappers.
Harry looked at the cookies for a few blinks, choosing the one that called out to him the most. "This one!" He unwrapped the packaging, cracking open the crispy shell with his two thumbs.
"What does it say?" Edie was trying to jump as high as Harry to sneak a peek.
He cleared his throat, "'The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly!'"
All eyes were on Maddie as she bounded into the room, now sporting a navy blue fleecy jumper. "What did I miss?"
Ru burst out laughing - which David quickly stopped with a swift elbow to the ribs. He grabbed a fortune cookie from his wife's palms, "We- we were doing our cookies! My turn next." His eyes quickly glanced over the words, very aware that everybody else remained silent. "'All things are difficult before they are easy.' Well, that one was pretty shit."
"Grandad!" Edie whipped her head round, "That's a naughty word!"
"Sorry, Edie." David clapped his hands together, "Right, let's plate up - it'll get cold, otherwise."
***
Harry's final present to open was from Maddie.
It wasn't hard to see how nervous she'd been about him opening it, she'd been bouncing her knees up and down the entire evening. Harry knew, whatever it was, he was going to love it.
"Look, it's fine if you don't like it." Maddie sat forward, "I- it's stupid, anyway."
"Mad, 'm sure I'll love it." Harry smiled as he unwrapped the red velvet ribbon that surrounded the box; his fingers traced over the embossed words: The Great Frog. He lifted off the lid, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the sheer elation that had washed over him as he looked down at the gift. It was a silver band of roses that slotted perfectly into his growing ring collection and, as he pulled the ring from out of its holding place, he noticed the engraved 'E' on the inside of the band. "It's perfect, Mad."
She fell back into the sofa, breathing out a sigh of relief, "Thank goodness for that."
"I helped pick it, too!" Edie waddled over, examining the ring which seemed huge in her small hands, "We chose the roses because it's my middle name! Mummy said you'd like that."
"I do like that, Edie." Harry pulled her into a tight hug, "Thank you."
***
Harry staying over had become a semi-regular thing and, for once, Maddie had zero complaints.
On nights he did sleep over, their routine with Edie had become so easy, it felt like they'd be doing it their entire lives: the three of them all brushed their teeth together, making sure that Edie paid special attention to her 'big back biters' - as Harry called them, then Maddie brushed through Edie's hair whilst Harry read the bedtime story - because, according to Edie, he was 'better at doing the difference voices' and then they both wished her a good night's sleep before departing into Maddie's bedroom.
"Have you had a good birthday then?" Maddie pulled her hair back into a high ponytail, reshuffling the chain of her necklace so the clasp sat at the nape of her neck.
Harry folded up his trousers into a neat pile beside the bed, "The best birthday, Mad. Honestly."
Maddie turned around, pausing to admire how happy Harry looked as he nestled under the covers. "How are you feeling then? Honestly? I know the interview questions were- they were pretty shitty."
"Just took me by surprise is all." Harry plumped up the pillow behind him, "'m still not used to it- people- people asking me questions about her. Feel stupid just saying it."
"You shouldn't feel stupid, Harry." Maddie slid off her slippers, perching herself on the edge of the bed, "It's such a sensitive subject, it's okay to not want to talk about it."
"No, I- I should." Harry took hold of Maddie's hand, pulling her closer to him, "'m scared if I leave it too long, I'll start forgetting things about her."
Maddie grazed her thumb across Harry's cheek, "I'm here whenever you want to talk, okay?"
Harry nodded, pulling back the covers as a hint for Maddie to get in.
***
Maddie was dreading opening up the bookshop.
Since her identity had been revealed, the shop had never been busier, however, it was for completely the wrong reasons. There had been daily queues out of the door but the amount of people who came in actually wanting to purchase some books compared to the amount of people who hoped to either catch a glimpse of Harry or Edie or to check out if Maddie was worthy of Harry's attention were few and far between; the onslaught of paparazzi flashing outside the windows also didn't help.
She could already see a few cameras setting up across the highstreet as she snuck a peek behind the shop window's curtain. What did they even want? She'd kept her promise to Harry and not looked up anything about herself online - even though it was tempting.
Knock, knock.
"Sorry, we're not open yet." Maddie called out.
"Mads, it's- it's Josh."
Maddie hesitated for a second before unlocking the door and pulling it open enough for Josh to squeeze through. Her brain was already overthinking whether or not a photo of their interaction would end up in the news with a trashy headline attached to it.
"Part of me thought you might not open." Josh mumbled.
Maddie crossed her arms, "Part of me wasn't going to."
"Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so shit at Edie's birthday, I should never have said about Harry being- being her dad, that wasn't mine to tell. We had a really good thing going and- and I miss you, Mads. Telling the press was a mistake-"
"-what?" Maddie's face fell.
"-no, I meant- I didn't-"
"-you told them about me? About Edie?"
"They already knew about Edie-"
"-not where she fucking lived, Josh. Not that Ru's her uncle. Not where she goes to school, when her birthday is, what her grandparents do. They didn't know that." Maddie could feel her blood beginning to boil, she knew her maternal instincts were kicking in because, usually, she avoided confrontation like the plague. "They knew what she looked like, that was it."
"If I could take it back, I would." Josh stepped forward, "It was such a dick move and I-"
"-and what, Josh?" Maddie breathed out, screwing her eyes shut to try and calm herself down.
"I didn't mean for- I just wanted you to see that-" Josh sighed, "-sorry, I'm so sorry."
***
Harry had driven himself and Edie to a quiet beach just outside of Hastings whilst Maddie was at work; he had offered to come in and help her but she insisted that she would be fine by herself.
However, the weather didn't match the ideal 'Beach Day' aesthetic Harry had hoped for: the clouds were grey and dreary, the sea was murky and the waves were so choppy that every time they collided against the shingles, a fine saltwater mist would spray up onto the shore.
"Weather forecast said 'chances of sun', Edes, d'ya believe that?" Harry's shoes crunched against the stones, "Look like bloody fools out here, there ain't nobody else in sight."
Edie scrunched up her nose, "Mummy says 'bloody' is a bad word, Harry."
"Shi- yeah- yeah, she's right about that actually." Harry took hold of Edie's hands as they slid down a tall bank of shingles to get to a sandy patch nearer the shore, "Your mum's a clever woman, Edie."
"What's your mum like?" Edie picked up a smooth grey pebble.
Harry stopped still for a second as he looked down at Edie, noticing that the chilly sea wind had turned the tip of Edie's nose bright red. "She- uh, she's not alive anymore."
Edie looked up at Harry with squinted eyes due to the glare reflecting off the water's surface, "That's sad."
"Yeah, it- it is sad." Harry cleared his throat, "She was clever too, though. Like your mum."
"Was she pretty?" Edie's eyes were wide with interest now.
"Really pretty." Harry smiled. "She had this incredibly long brown hair and such kind eyes" When Harry closed his eyes, he could see her. Clear as day. He couldn't remember the last time that had happened.
"Could she sing too?"
Harry bent down, zipping up Edie's coat, "Yeah, she could. Lovely voice. When I used to come home from school, she would be in the kitchen singing along to the radio and- it- it made me so happy."
"What was her name?" Edie smiled.
"Sarah." The name felt foreign coming out of Harry's mouth, it had been so long since he'd said it.
"That's nice." Edie walked further to the water's edge, giggling as the foamy sea grazed against the toe of her shoes, "Did she take you to the beach?"
"She did, yeah." Harry skimmed a stone against the water, waiting for it to disappear under the surface before doing the same again with a different stone, "Used to treat me to a Mr. Whippy with a flake every single time, no matter the weather."
"That sounds nice!" Edie licked her lips, "Nanny always says that ice cream makes her feel better."
"D'ya fancy one?" Harry pointed up to the beach cafe back up near the car park.
Edie nodded eagerly, slipping her frozen fingers into Harry's hand as she started pulling him towards the cafe.
As Harry made his way up towards the inviting building, he couldn't help but wonder - if his mum was still alive - would she be proud of him? He knew what his dad's answer would be but Harry was trying to remain unbiased in his own answer. He'd like to think she would be proud. She'd always wanted to have grandkids and her main concern was always that Harry was happy, no matter what he did. And as he watched Edie's face light up upon receiving her giant Mr. Whippy - with a flake - he felt the happiest he'd ever been.