ANTI - Oscar Diaz

5

I turned around and faced them. Keeping my face blank while on the verge of tears.

I opened my mouth to answer but no words came out. No matter how bad I wanted to say something I couldn't. No words would be able to sum up how I feel and what I wanted to say.

I had alot.

"You left without an explanation and the next thing you know we find out you're a fucking Divine gang member Rih." He stormed over to me furiously. 

Chico just sighed following closely behind him.

"It wasn't like that Pablo."  I tried to defend but I knew nothing was going to calm him down. When he got mad he got fucking mad.

"It wasn't like what. You know how fucked Oscar was. How bad you hurt him. He cried every fucking day for months Robyn. Fucking Oscar, cried over you! Weren't you the girl that said that you were repulsed by gang activities. You didn't want no part in them. No part in Los Santo. Now look at you La Princessa." He looked at me in disgust. Venom dripping in every word.

He hated me.
It hurt it really did.
I knew what 3i did. 
I knew I left him, and everyone behind but I had my reasons.

"Is that why you left so you could go back to your gang, take your place amongst Divine royalty. Tell them our shits. Fucking Snitch on us like the bitch you are" he taunted.

I slapped him, staring at him in horror.  I was offended. He could call me whatever the hell he wanted but I wasn't a snitch.
Never a snitch.

"You don't know what you're talking about! I didn't leave to go back to the gang. I left because I had to Pablo. You think I wanted to? I had no choice.-" I could feel the tears running down my face.
"- You know you can call me anything, for leaving, for breaking Oscar's heart but I ain't not fucking snitch. I loved you guys. Hell I fucking love you guys. You trusted me enough to be around while you did business. The last thing I'll ever do is snitch." I shouted at him.

He was still holding his face where I slapped him.
He had the audacity to look hurt.

His eyes held so much hatred.  If he felt like this, I knew Oscar felt even worse.

"Stop it you two." A voice boomed it was Oscar.  He walked over pushing Pablo away from me.
Then he got in my face.

"Leave." He pointed towards the door.

I didn't want to argue with him. I was drained.

The last thing I wanted to do was open a door I didn't want to go in. If I spoke to him right now, screamed and shouted at him we both might end up killing each other.

"You're right. I should go."I stepped away from him.

I didn't want to.

"But before you run my name through mud,be sure to mention how good I was to you until I lost all your respect. Mention everything I did for you. Tell them how I did my best to help you when no one else gave a shit. Then try to trash my name." The last part directed at Pablo.

One bad deed and they forgot the times I was good to them. The times I've been there, nursing them after they got hurt.

I looked over Oscar's shoulder, Pablo was still glaring at me while Chico gave me a sad apologetic smile

He was the only one that understood.

I turned around walking to my car.

I was thankful for the tinted windows as I broke down crying. 

They didn't understand.  They didn't even try to understand.

I understood keeping my real identity from them was a bad thing. But I knew they would've treated me differently.
Like they're treating me now.

When I was with them, with Oscar I was Robyn. And now in this moment,juggling college and being a gang member nothing changed. I was still Robyn just with alot more things on my plate. 

I felt hurt by Pablo's words. He was my brother, He was there whenever I needed him to be and now he hated me.

Absolutely hated my guts.

And i deserved it.

(Edited)