ANTI - Oscar Diaz

72

"You did good" Chico  said lowly happily wrapping his arm around my waist.

I let out a shaky breath 
"Yeah." I forced a smile. Not being able to look at him.

"Do you want to come over?"  He stopped pulling me closer. I finally looked at him,trying to mask how I was feeling. 

"No, I have to be in the city. You know I wouldn't be caught dead in Freeridge."  I smirked and he just nodded. His lips connecting with mine once again.

"See you."  I smiled and turned around walking to my car. I didn't have time to stick around, I sped off.

My hands clenched the steering wheel tightly.

His eyes.
I couldn't get the look of his face out of my head. The tear running down his cheek. He was basically pleading for me not to do it.

But If I didn't, Chico would have.

I took out my phone, the other hand on the wheels. 

The number was on Speed dial.

First ring the person answered.

"It's done." And with that I hang up.

Driving was becoming harder to do, with the tears clouding my vision. 

When it was safe I Parked the car along the side of the road.

I tried breathing in and out to calm myself down but I couldn't. 

I did it.

With my head on the steering wheel I cried.

I wondered what the others will think when they find out what I did.  How they'll feel. I didn't want to but I had to.

Keisha was never going to forgive me. Oscar would NEVER forgive me.

I just set fire to all of the bridges I had with the people I love. There was no coming back from this.

It took a good 30 minutes for me to calm down but the heart wrenching feeling didn't go away.

When I got to the city, I took the elevator to my apartment. I kept my face down. My face was the last thing I wanted to see. I felt so ashamed.

I was tired. So tired with all this shit. I was exhausted.

All of this for the greater good. But what good is it bringing now

I opened my door and went straight to my bathroom. I needed to wash today's events off my body.

I had blood on my hands, blood of someone  that's done nothing but be there for me. He was like a brother to me, he was Oscar's brother. He was family.

Even after what Oscar did, it didn't justify what I just did. It wasn't enough reason to shoot him.

I took off my clothes and lowered my body in the scorching hot water.

I started thinking.

This was not worth the risk. 

I was not being fair.

When is enough going to be enough.

I was doing too much

But I had too much to do and I wasn't even half way done.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I whispered to myself  in tears once again.

I dived into the water and just stared at the ceiling whilst i just laid there.

If I held my breath or breathe through quickly I wanted to know how long it'll take for me to possibly drown.

But hurting myself will not bring me the amount of pain, what I'm doing right now is.

I finally got out of the bathtub  walking over to my closet. Oscar's T-shirt, the only thing that can bring me some sort of comfort in this time. But I really wish it was him. I needed him right now.

I had no appetite. I was not in the mood for anything. I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep so I went to the office and just sat there.

My eyes landed on the papers.

The adoption papers.

Secrets doesn't stay secret for long.
No matter how deep you try to bury it.

I walked over to it my eyes scanning the  paper.

Arabella Tiller

But Tiller was never meant to be her last name. It should've been Diaz.

I looked away.

I didn't need this.
Not tonight.

This was a whole other heartbreak.

I hate getting flashbacks of things I don't want to remember. I just wanted to delete some of the memories I so desperately want to forget.

I stayed up for another 2 hours just walking around my apartment like a zombie. Bored, trying to find something to get my mind off the events of earlier.

Benji.

I was never going to be at peace with this.

Even when I closed my eyes as I lay in bed all I could see was his eyes. When I walked out of the shadows, when Chico pulled me closer, when he kissed me and when I took Chico's gun. His face went from suprise, anger, disgust and then fear.

My phone vibrated next to me.
This was the text I was waiting for.

I slowly took it and there it was

All done