So Long Goodnight (Sonadow)

Chapter XI - Act I

Silver's POV, Present:

I never meant this to happen.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

I swear...

Everything was worse than before, more miserable than I ever imagined – but please, do trust me when I say that this was the least of my intentions. Who am I kidding? Do I even still warrant someone's trust? Let alone, deserve someone who would listen to the words I just keep on breaking?
Chaos knows what I had in mind. Chaos knows this was never my plan. Chaos knows this didn't even cross my thoughts no matter how much I envied Shadow. Chaos knows I only wanted what was better. Chaos knows I wouldn't go this far.

But I did...

No matter how much I try and explain my side, no matter how much I find the right words to justify my actions – after everything that was said and done, I still went too far.

Now, the second chance we were given which I took and administered over, all by myself, is now taking its irremediable toll.

The future was never in my hands, after all.

Everything I am watching, right at this very instant, is the product of all the things I thought I could do, and the result of everything I shouldn't have done at all. This is worse than death. Nothing else has ever pained me this way.
Hearing his horrifying scream of desperation made me yearn to take his place and embrace the pain for him instead. Watching those already dull, emerald eyes look at me, crestfallen, for one last time made me wish I was never born at all.

I brought this to him, to everyone, to myself.

They never deserved any of this, yet they ended up paying for the price I wagered with my own demons.

They are right.

I am naive.

I had three days to think through of a possible solution, three days to prove myself worthy, three days to set things straight, three days to undo the damage I caused to my relationship with everyone... especially with Sonic...

If we even had any...

He was the best thing I never had.

Even if I was given the privilege to know the things no one else does, even if I was blessed by a reputable and indispensable role out of all people, even if I possess abilities not everyone can wield, even if the past, present, and the future are already shown right before my eyes – for the second time around...

I failed to do this world a favor.

And there is no one else to be held most accountable for this bleak error from the very moment I sought for the enemy's affiliation and suspension of hostilities...

Just because I wasn't enough.

-
I can still remember the conversation we had after he recovered from the emotional burden his lost memory caused.
It wasn't going well in the first minute, I never thought it would be even worse. As soon as our talk mainly focused on Shadow, I felt like I was constantly being stabbed right in my chest knowing that I am not even close to his level.

"Sonic, I'm sure that I know you more than anyone else does. I just know that we're deeply connected, that's why I thought you would be on my side no matter what! I had so much faith you would understand the best of my motives," it was a desperate move for me to attempt and take him back with fragile emotions. "We've been through so much! You know we've been through hot and cold!"

The awkward silence was longer than expected as if he was holding back his thoughts, "That, I won't deny. It is true. But Shadow and I have been through so much more."