Begin Again

Chapter Four

*A Few Days Later*

Taylor's POV

I was in the car on the way to see the house that I lived in with Ed. I'd been curious to look at it, but anxious at the same time. I knew how frustrating it was for Ed to see me and know that I didn't remember our history, and I felt like whatever our house is like will be another overwhelming realization of that.

We pulled into the neighborhood, and I realized just how upscale it was. The houses were huge, which surprised me, but for what reason I still don't know.

When we pulled into a driveway of one of the houses, everyone looked expectantly at me, as if though I was suddenly going to remember everything about it and throw the front door open as if I owned the place. Except... I do.

My mom was the first to step out of the car, quickly followed by my dad, and then Ed, and then myself. Ed led the way to the front door, and my parents hung back so I could follow him. He opened the door and gestured for me to take a step inside.

It was huge, and exactly like the way I would decorate a house. The furniture was all antique and mismatched, and there were pictures everywhere. The first thing my eyes fell on was a picture on a table close to the door. As I stepped closer to examine it, I saw that in the photo, Ed had his arms tight around me, placing a kiss on my cheek, as I grinned from ear to ear, so so incredibly happy.

It was so frustrating to look at that picture, and know that I didn't remember it at all. I had obviously been apart of it, and I looked so happy, and you'd think I would remember something like that. I guess not.

"Do you remember any of this, love?" Ed asked nervously, and I shook my head.

"No, I'm sorry. But this is a really nice house." I said, and he nodded. He led the way around the house, showing me all the rooms and pictures and things. I have to admit, it was actually the perfect house, in my opinion.

The one thing that really hit me hard was when we went into the bedroom. You could immediately tell which side was mine, because on the nightstand there was a pair of glasses and my song journal. But atop the song journal, there was a book with a bookmark halfway through it. I took a step closer and realized that I had never heard of the book, and it was upsetting to know that merely a week ago, I must've been wrapped up in the story.

I looked to the bed, to see an indention in the pillow closest the nightstand I'd determined was mine. This also hit me like a train, because a week ago I had slept here, in this exact same bed, there was literally proof of it on the pillow, but I had no memory of it whatsoever.

I wanted to cry, to scream out, to throw something, to have someone magically make it all better. I wanted, needed even, to know what I've done with my life, what albums I've released, who my fiancé is supposed to be! But instead, I'm stuck, and I don't know anything, not yet I don't. It's even more frustrating because, like the doctor said, the memories are in my head, I just need to wait to actually grasp them and remember them again. He explained it as not being accessible yet, like a vault in a bank, and only time held the key. If time was a thing I could rob, I'd be thieving the key before you could take a breath.

"Are you alright, Taylor? You seem...stressed." Ed asked, with worry written like words on his face. Am I really that easy to read emotions off of? I thought I was better than that.

"I...I'm fine." I tried to shrug it off.

"Are you sure? I can see the way your eyes crease, something's bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, and I thought for a moment.

"No, I'll be fine, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Just drop it, please." I pleaded, and he nodded.

"I'll let you look around then." He muttered, before exiting the room, his footsteps echoing as he walked downstairs.

I looked at all the details, the pictures on the walls, the clothing we had in the closest. I wandered into the connected bathroom, and saw that there were two sinks. One side was obviously mine, with makeup spread all around it, and the other obviously Ed's, with nothing but a toothbrush tossed carelessly aside.

On the mirror, there were sticky notes stuck to it, each with their own cute little message. On my side, the notes were in a messy scrawl, and on Ed's side, the notes were obviously in my handwriting. I figured the ones on my side must be from Ed then.

I read them all, and noticed they were dated. The most recent one was only a week and a half ago, which also turned out to be extremely frustrating. I didn't remember it at all! A week used to feel so short, but now they seem so long and out of reach.

I wandered out of the bathroom, and slowly made my way out of the bedroom, walking to the stairs. As I stood at the top, I could hear Ed talking with my parents, and his voice sounded rather shaky and unstable.

"Do you...do you think she hates me?" He asked nervously, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. "I tried to talk to her and comfort her, coz I could just tell she was so upset and confused and frustrated, and she was just asked me to drop it. I want to help her so bad, I want to comfort and make everything okay for her, but I just...I can't!" He exclaimed, and burst into tears.

I felt so bad for him, and I bit my tongue as I decided what to do. I figured I would wait to see what my mom or dad would say next.

"Of course she doesn't hate you, she just doesn't know you yet. Eventually she will love and adore you, Ed, eventually those memories will come back to her, and no matter what, whatever it is that she thinks of you now, eventually she'll realize all the things that you meant to her, and it'll all be okay again, alright?" My mom asked.

"Yeah, I just..." He let out another sob. "It's so hard! To see her like this! And know that nothing, nothing I can do will help! She's so confused and frustrated, I can tell, and I want so badly to help her and to make it better for her but I can't!" He seemed just as frustrated as I had been earlier. "I just want to talk with her like we used to, to not have everything be so awkward, I want to kiss her again, I want to hug her so close, and never have to let her go. The last time we hugged was at the hospital, and I could tell that me holding her so close like that wasn't appreciated at all, and I just...I love her! And she just...doesn't love me back." With that, he really started crying hard, seeming to let out all of the frustrations of the past week. I felt so terrible, I was the reason he was crying after all, and we both seemed to be in the same position. Wanting to help the other and have things go back to normal, but not sure at all how.

I finally knew what I had to do. I tiptoed downstairs, to find Ed crying into my mom. I gingerly walked over, tapping his shoulder.

"Hey..." I mumbled, a little nervous. "I...I want a hug." I said, and I opened my arms wide. The look of pure absolute joy in his eyes was priceless, as he pulled me into a hug so tight it almost hurt. He crushed me into his chest, burying his head in my shoulder while he clung onto me as if though his life depended on it. He rocked back and forth slightly, now crying what I was pretty sure were tears of joy. "It's alright," I mumbled. "I'm gonna remember you, it'll just be a little while. I'm sorry I've upset you so much, I had no idea. I'm just as frustrated as you are, I want everything to go back to normal and I'm done with not knowing anything about myself and I'm done being confused and unsure and lost and I just want my memories back!" I exclaimed, now on the verge of tears myself. "I don't know my house, or my phone, or my second cat, or my fourth album, or even my fifth, I don't know my wardrobe, or my car, or my bed, or the book I'm reading, I don't even know my fiancé!" I exclaimed, and at this, he clutched me even tighter. Tears were filling my eyes, one or two making their ways down my cheek. "I don't even know the one person that I'm supposed to love with all my being, the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." I let out in a whisper. "I just wanna know you better now." He jumped as I said that.

"Did...did you..."

"What?"

"I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now." He sang softly. "Do you remember that?" He asked hopefully, and I thought hard for a moment, before shaking my head. "Oh," his voice fell. "That's our song, the one we wrote together, you quoted it almost perfectly, I'm surprised."

"Maybe it's the songs' way of making s comeback, maybe I'll remember it soon." I offered, still in his tight embrace.

"Maybe so, love, maybe so."