The Child

CHAPTER 10

I WAS sitting on a chair beside her while holding her small hand and praying to at least open her eyes. She went through a lot from the things that she doesn't deserve and yet... Here she was again.. Sick and in pain.

Sana ako na lang.. Bakit kailangang ang anak ko pa? Why it should be Lhira who is suffering from our mistakes?

Napaangat ako ng tingin ng maramdaman kong sumklop ang kamay na hawak ko sa kamay ko.. I quickly look at her and as i thought finally my baby was awake...

She has a sad and weak smile at her lips trying to give me a better smile but she failed to do so. My eyes watered as i saw how weak and in pain she is... I quickly moved and hug her tight.

"Oh my gosh baby I'm sorry i didn't know"iyak ko at niyakap siya bago tumawag ng doctor. They were checking her and i was just standing beside her watching and praying how thankful i am for her to finally awake.

Matapos macheck ay umalis din ang mga ito kaya naman naiwan na kaming dalawa. I quickly sat down beside her and hug her tight carefully not to hurt her and avoid all the tubes that is connected on her body.

"H-How long did you keep that you're not feeling well?"tanong ko dito habang nakayakap siya sa akin at nakasandig sa dibdib ko. I was lying also and resting my back at the head board of the hospital bed. She hug me more tight as if she don't want to answer but she did.

"Last 2 m-months mommy"she silently answered and then hug me more as if readying her self for my scold. Mariin akong napapikot dahil doon at muling sinisi ang sarili. I comb her hair using my fingers and sighed para hindi nito marinig ang bahagyang pagsinghot ko.

"Why you didn't told me?"mahina man ay malambing ang boses ng sabihin iyon dahilan para mag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin saka ngumiti.

"I-I dont want to worry you anymore mom.. I-I k-know that you were broken because of dad and..." She cut her words and raised her weak arm to reach my face and wipe the tears na hindi ko namamalayang naglandas na pala mula sa mga mata ko "i don't want to break you more... I promised to my self that i will be your aid when you're in pain and not another cause of your p-pain" malungkot man ay pilit nitong pinasigla ang boses kapagkuway nanghihinang sumandal muli sa akin.. I cant stop my tears now from falling and i broke down at that time.. I cried hard for my heart and for my baby... Humgulgol ako habang yakap siya ng mahigpit as if anytime... Mawawala na talaga siya sa akin.

"My ghad Lhira! Dapat sinabi mo sa akin para naagapan agad natin... You should told me.. Oh ghad! Im sorry baby for not notcing"i cried but she just tap my back.

"Its okay mommy.. I also kept it for you to not notice it"she said weakly at hindi ko na alam pa ang sasabihin ko so i just hug her more.. Afraid that it might be the last.

No.. Not my baby....

"Mrs. Liyah... To tell you honestly? She wont make it to last for at least a month.. Her body and immune system is already weak and the cancer was already eating her whole system" konsulta ng doktor matapos ifollow-up ang check-up kay Lhira...

That news got me so down and speechless to the point that hindi na ako naniniwala na totoo pa.ang nangyayari at totoong nandito talaga kami sa hospital ngayon.

We were outside the room at tanging transparent glass wall lang ang naghahati ng kinaroroonan ko at ng kinahihigaan ng anak ko.. From where i was standing ay malinaw kong nakikita ang sandamakmak na tube na nakakonekta sa katawan nito.

The pain while looking at her is unbearable and i cant take another more pain but i have to ask.. Alam kong negatibo na ang maaring isagot nito sa sagot ko na maaring ikadulot muli ng pagkawasak ko but i have to ask.. I want to ask...

"I-Is there anything we can do to save her?"mahina ang boses na tanong ko.. Puno ng pag-asa at pinili na maging positibo ang pananaw kahit alam kong una pa lang ay hindi na dapat ako nagtanong pa..
I look at the doctor begging but he just eyed me sadly. He nodded but hesitantly. Nagliwanag ang muka ko dahil doon pero naroon pa din ang pangamba na alam kong hindi pa din maganda ang sasabihin nito.

"P-Please doc.. I-I will do anything just please...please save her.. Ill pay double just do everything"i cried as i reach for his hand... He hold my hand tight and sigh before looking straightly at my eyes...

"It was 80/20 to save her ija... 80% for No and the left 20% for yes...  It was a small percentage to hope that she will survive... So i suggest you to be ready and just enjoy the remaining time that you have with her.. Thats the only thing you can do for now."malungkot nitong sagot dahilan para gumuho na ng tuluyan ang pag-asang  natitira para sa akin. I fall hard at the brim of pain at tila hindi ko na kaya pang bumangon...

I just found my self crying while sitting at the cold tiled floor of the hospital... I feel hopeless and worthless because of everything that happened... I feel weakest among weak... I feel useless among anyone.. Im such a failure as a human...

Mabilis akong tumayo mula sa sahig at pumasok sa loob.. No it cant be... Hindi siya pupwedeng mawala ng ganito. Hindi niya ako pupwedeng iwan.. I crawled up and took her hand and hold it tight as i still feel the warmth it has. I feel Ness at my back and tapped my shoulder.. Hindi ko man lang namalayan na kasalukuyan din siyang nandito..

She look at me sadly but quietly cheer me up by nodding her head.