The Child

CHAPTER 13

"LHIRA! Enough hindi ka na dapat magpagod.. Matulog na" i warned at her ng makitang gising pa siya at hawak ang laruang binigay ni Alex dito noon.

Dali-dali naman nitong binitawan ang laruan at humiga ng dahan-dahan... She was still not improving. She can move and hold but she cant walk and even get up from the bed... Hawak niya maghapon ang laruang iyon at nilaro gamit ang paninitig lang doon.

"Mommy.."she called me.. I glance at her habang kasalukuyang inaayos ang kumot at bahagyang ibinabalot sa kaniya.

"What?"i ask softly at her then sat beside her at the bed.. Agad itong sumandal sa dibdib ko at ginawang unan iyon.

"If time passed and i wasn't there anymore will you be okay?" She asked that caught me off guard.. Here we go again with those questions about her being gone.

"No baby.. Stop asking questions like that hindi ka mawawala okay?"i answered but her embrace tightened more.

"I try to be smart and a perfect daughter at my best mom because i have a perfect parents.. You and dad. I cant bear to see you with tears mommy.. Specially if it was because of me" she said weakly.. Mahina ang boses nito at ramdam ko na pagod ito kahit wala naman itong ginawang nakakapagod.

I stayed silent and let my tears fall down dahil ayaw kong sumagot sa mga sinasabi niya dahil alam kong taliwas sa katotohanan ang mga sinasabi niya na perpekto kaming magulang gayong hindi naman talaga.

"The moment that i knew everything... I didn't hated you specially dad for choosing his heart. And you for mourning because of your broken heart.. I choose to be independent and move alone because i don't have both of you from the past months"she said sadly and try to look at me but i choose not to let her see me at tears again...

"And if there is a selfish to be called here Mom.. It wasn't you.. But me... I-It was me who is selfish" she said weakly na agad kong tinutulan..

"No baby hindi ka makasarili okay?! Stop putting the blame on you okay?"sagot ko dito at pinahid ang luha sa pisngi nito na kagaya ng akin ay wala ding katapusan sa pag-agos.

"Im sorry Mommy.. I-I am really sorry for not granting your wish..." She sleepily said dahilan ng pagkunot ng noo ko...

"W-What are you talking about?" Takot kong tanong ngunit himbing na ito sa bisig ko at tuluyan ng nakatulog...

Kinakabahan ako habang unti-unting lumilipas ang oras.... Hindi ko na namamalayan ang mga kaganapan pang sumunod.

Again....

I was at this dark place again... Sa harap ko ay isang bato at si Lhira na nakangiting nakatingin sa akin...

Dali-dali ko siyang niyakap pero hindi ko magawang makalapit sa kaniya... I heard her cute chuckled.

"Why are you look scared Mommy?"natatawa nitong tanong at bahagya pang ginaya ang itsura ko but i remained nervous and scared.

"B-Baby come here"i said when i finally found my voice... She shaked her head side by side to answer no...

"Lhira wag matigas ang ulo! Halika dito!"nauubusan ng pasensiya kong hiyaw dito but she just waved her hand...

"I cant mom"she sadly smile at me while saying those words.. My eyes watered because of the unknown pain that crept in my heart.

"Bakit hindi mo kaya?"tanong ko dito but she just eyed me sadly and gave me a bitter smile..

"Coz' i am selfish Mommy...." Malungkot ang malambing nitong boses.

"Ano bang sinasabi mo? H-Halika kako rito"i said trying not to belive on the thought that i have already.

Pakiramdam ko unti-unting lumalayo ang kinalalagyan niya mula sa pwesto ko gayung kanina lang ay halos isang dipa lang ng kamay ko ay abot ko na siya.. Dahilan din upang maging malabo na ang boses nito at mga salitang sinasabi nito para sa aking pandinig.

"I am sorry mommy... I am selfish because.....

        ....I gave up....."               

             

     And from that... She slowly faded and i was left hanging and speechless... For the last time.. I saw how she smile beautifully at me and waved her hand peacefully as darkness eaten everything around me.

"Lhira! No Lhira! Bab-"

Malakas na alarma ang gumising sa natutulog kong diwa at sa isang bangungot na pinagdalhan sa akin ng panaginip ko.. Agad kong nilingon ang ingay na iyon at tila nakakita ng multo ng mapagtanto ang pinagmulan niyon..

The monitor shows flat line of her heartbeats kaya naman dali dali akong bumangon at pinindot ang emergency button habang pilit ginigising si Lhira....

"Anak! Wag kang magbiro baby please wake up!" I shouted while harshly wagging her shoulders but i didn't get any response at kasunod niyon ay ang pagdating ng mga doktor at nurse...

Everything was in blur at tila nabingi ako sa ingay na nasa paligid. Tanging ang naririnig ko lamanv ay ang tunog ng monitor na nagsasabing diretso na ang guhit... She has no heart beat already... She stop breathing.. Iyan ang pinakatiyak kong alam ngayon..

Nasa labas ako at tulala lang na nakamasid sa loob na ngayon ay nagkakagulo na at sinusubukang isalba ang anak ko.. Wala na akong makitang iba kung hindi ang anak ko na nananatiling nakapikit at walang galaw habang pilit binubuhay ng doktor ang katawan niya....

My eyes was focus on her at tila wala na talaga akong naririnig na kahit ano sa paligid ko... Everything was in mute and blur.. Kahit ang nagkakagulong tao sa paligid ko ay tila kay bagal kumilos.. It was as if i was in slow-motion for a while. Everything was slow...

And because of it.. I manage to see how the doctor look at his wrist watch and shook his head side by side saying it was already done...

"N-No.." Walang boses kong tugon bago bumalik ang lahat sa normal... Tumumba na ako ng tuluyan sa upuan at tila wala sa sariling nakatingin sa kawalan...

I know it already.. Alam na alam ko at sobra akong nasasaktan dahil alam kong iniwan na niya ako.. Alam kong hindi na siya lumaban. Alam kong tuluyan na siyang umalis...

"Im sorry Mrs. Sandoval.. She didn't make it"malungkot na hayag ng doktor kasunod ng humahangos na si Ness.. Agad niya akong dinaluhan pero hindi ko maramdaman ang kahit ano kundi ang pagkamanhid at tanging sakit lang ang nararamdaman ko ng mga sandaling iyon...

Ayaw kong tanggapin na tapos na ang lahat. Na wala na talaga ng tuluyan si Lhira..