Ben snored from the bed beside Sasha, his dark hair matted into tufts as he wriggled in his sleep. He looked so calm and content, lost in dreams of pirate ships and cowboys. The house was quiet and the weather outside had shifted to a light drizzle.
Sasha sat upright in her bed thinking through the conversation with her father that had occured earlier in the night. It was safe to say that it had not been successful and Martin had reacted in an expected, but still upsetting way.
She usually tried to avoid fights at all costs, especially the ones that involved her father but this was a different matter. This concerned her future and could she really let that slip through her fingers and end up living a life she hated?
After years of carefully observing Martin (who worked in the legal system) and his ever increasing stress levels, Sasha's head hadn't really been turned. She did not want to end up like her father; angry, guilt-ridden, cynical.
He was a man who appeared as though all life had been sucked right out of him. A man who appeared emotionless like a robot. A man who thought love was this pristine and polished thing without its wild heart and often crushing moments. He wanted to squeeze it into his easy expectations of it and by doing so removed all the excitement and passion.
It was safe to say that Martin lived in a bubble in which he expected everything to go his way and everybody to follow his orders. If you disobeyed him then you would be kicked from his 'pack' (he was a self-professed 'Alpha') without so much as a goodbye.
Smoothing out the bed covers Sasha nibbled her lip. A small pin-prick of guilt had started to bloom in her chest as she considered her earlier furious attitude in her fathers study. She'd always been able to regulate her emotions around him but something earlier had snapped inside of her.
She couldn't help but feel as though it had been brought on by her befuddled state concerning a certain beautiful french exchange. It was almost a way of releasing her anger about the whole headfuck situation.
But then she couldn't use that as her only excuse and as much as she didn't want to admit it, losing her temper had also a liberating experience.
A great volcano of anger had begun to sizzle inside Sasha from a young age, the molten flames fed on Martins absence as a father to her and Ben. She'd attempted to repress those emotions deep down for a long time but occasionally it was nice to let go a little.
There wasn't any point in having a full on shouting match about the past and how shit he had been as a parent. He wasn't emotionally mature or humble enough to admit his wrongdoings and Sasha would sever any connection that was left between them by doing so and she didn't want to lose him completely.
But loosening up slightly and fighting back to the 'almighty, all-powerful king' was refreshing. Although the outrage was still rumbling inside of her and all she wanted to do now was get out of the house!
Switching her phone on she tapped onto her empty inbox. Usually there would be a couple of messages from Cass or Polly on the group chat but tonight it remained silent. Sasha knew that if they were to make up she would have to reproach them first. It was the way it had always been and things weren't about to change.
Truthfully, she was beginning to see where her friends were coming from, the only thing she didn't agree with was how they went about it. Cass could be vicious when she wanted to be and she certainly hadn't held back during the discussion at the park.
But Sasha had no one else and she really needed someone to talk to or her head was going to explode.
Clicking on the group chat she began to compose a new text message;
Sasha: I know u both hate me rn
Sasha: But pls i need someone to talk to
Sasha: & tbf I think you were both kinda right
Sasha: sorry for going AWOL
A few moments went by with no response. Hanging her head, her shoulders slouching forward, she chucked her phone to the end of the bed. Of course they wouldn't reply! They were probably still fuming with her plus it was Friday and they were almost definitely already out.
She would just have to suck it up and wallow in her pain alone.
Suddenly her phone buzzed and she lunged forward to grab it, eager to see who had messaged.
Cass: What's up?
Polly: We don't hate u
Polly: We were worried about u
Cass: Srry if I went in too deep
Cass: U know what I'm like
Cass: I didn't mean to upset u that much
Polly: Where are u now? R u okay?
Sasha: I'm at my dads
Sasha: SOS!! I need saving!
Sasha: I literally can't last a weekend
Cass: Oh fukk. Hows ur lovely stepmother? ;P
Cass: & lil angel baba
Sasha: Cass, I'm serious
Polly: Come out 2nite with us then?
Sasha: Wat?
Cass: Yeahhhh Sasha! Plz comeeee
Polly: Take ur mind off it?
Polly: And also booze ;)
Cass: B there or b square
Sasha: Where are u going?
Polly: Clubbing. Going 2 'Heaven'
Cass: Eyyy but we'll finish up in Hell ;) ;)
Cass: U shld come thou Sash. It's gunna go down...
Sasha: Haha
Sasha: Ok I'll be there!
Sasha: Meet u first for pre's?
Polly: YAyyayya
Cass: You know it
Tiptoing to her bag so as not to wake Ben, Sasha began to rifle through her clothes wondering if anything she had packed would be appropriate for clubbing.
Although they were only 17 years old 'The Pussy Pack' had acquired fake ID's from a boy in their college who'd a made a buisness out of selling them to minors. Polly had recently become 18 however and liked to brag about her legality incessantly to the others.
Even though they knew it was illegal this false piece of plastic gave them a great amount of freedom, allowing them to dance all night in the few venues that were accessible and meant that their evenings weren't spent being bored. They could now actually do something exciting which was a rare occurance in their dull town.
Besides, the clubs that were open weren't the most crazy up-and-coming places. Usually a girl would only have to dress up slightly, put a bit of make up on and smile flirtatiously at the bouncer to be let inside- underage boys had a much harder time. And even though the evenings weren't always the best (they wouldn't even compare to the clubs in London) they were a fun night out for dancing, drinking and meeting new people.
'Heaven' was the one that Sasha and her friends went to the most. The shots were £2 each every other day of the week and it was usually the most busy and bustling. It was also free entry on the door (apart from when there were special events) which meant it was an instant favourite.
Sasha knew that her father would be seething if he caught her sneaking out, but right now that was the least of her worries. If he wanted to throw a hissy fit then that was his decision but his house was suffocating and it had only been one evening!
Besides she desperatly needed a dance and to release all of her pent up emotions to the beat of music. Plus getting drunk was definitely on the cards- alcohol was a great at numbing a pounding brain.
An anxious niggling had also begun to work its way into her stomach as she thought of meeting with Cass and Polly. Of course she was also excited and relieved that they were on talking terms again but their last encounter had been tense. Hopefully things would be different this time.
Choosing a plain low cut halterneck and jacquard mini skirt Sasha applied a small amount of make up before tugging on a warm coat. Although the weather had improved considerably there was still a light shower of rain outside covering the pavements in a glittering wet coat.
Before she left the house she scribbled a note for her brother and placed it on the bedside table. It read;
Ben, I've gone to see Cass & Polly. If you need me, call me and I'll come get you. Lots of love,
Sash xxxx
----
As it was a Friday evening all the pubs, bars and clubs were buzzing with people who were out for the night. The streets were filled with drunken shouts, laughter and jangling music.
Sasha sat in a pub at a round wooden table opposite her friends. The building was teeming with people who were also either pre-drinking or just planning to 'have it large' at the 'boozer'.
A small queue had begun to form at the bar and the barmaids looked hot and sweaty from the crowds of customers.
Because of the weather it was even more of a squeeze than usual as no one wanted to sit in the pub garden.
Cass had curled her hair and both her and Polly were wearing different coloured bandeau tube tops that revealed their navels.
Drumming her fingers anxiously on the table Sasha leant back in her chair, attempting to prepare herself for the ensuing conversation. There was no point in avoiding the awkward subject that sat between them like a humongous elephant. It would be better to get it out the way and then move swiftly on.
"Guys I just want to say I didn't mean to storm off after the argument. I was just really overwhelmed by it all", she said in a wavering voice.
Polly's lips twitched into a smile and she reached out to lay a hand over Sasha's, "It's okay, we understand".
Cass nodded in agreement, "To be honest I would have stormed off too if you guys did the same thing to me".
Breathing an internal sigh of relief Sasha eased up from her tense position. Her friends hadn't jumped down her throat which was a great start.
"Exactly", she agreed, "It felt like an intevention".
A chuckle errupted from Polly's mouth before her face morphed into a more serious expression, "We were just worried about you", she explained.
Taking a sip of her cocktail Sasha shrugged, "I know".
She knew that they weren't being intentionally malicious and that they had good reason to share their concerns with her. She might even think the same as them if it were the other way around.
Cass studied Sasha carefully, "What are you going to do now anyway?"
"I have no clue".
"Have you spoken to him since?", Polly asked noticing the drop in Sasha's mood.
"A little bit but not in the same way", she replied.
The last conversation with Julien had been so terrible Sasha didn't even want to think about it. She wanted to wipe it from her memory forever.
"Do you think you'll go back to him?", Cass questioned before draining the last of her drink.
Pinching her lips together Sasha gave another shrug. That was a hard question that she really had no easy answer to.
Did her heart want to go back to him? Yes!
Did her head want to go back to him? No!
"Honestly I'm not sure. I heard what you guys said and I agree with most of it. I know he's going back to France so there's not really any point. And I also know I'm punching, like he's beautiful and I'm just me, what would he want with me anyway?"
Here was the same worry that had been repeated over and over again, and the more Sasha thought about it, the more it felt like the proper honest truth.
"When we said he was gorgeous we didn't mean that you weren't. But he has that kind of fuck boy look, I could see it at the pool party when he was with his mates", Polly commented.
Cass gave a nod in agreement, "100%! I can tell a fuck boy from a mile off. I've been with enough of them to know! As you said I know what it's like to have my heart broken and I don't want that to happen to you".
Sasha bit her lip remembering the sly comment she made about her friend, "I'm sorry I said that ...."
Waving a hand in the air Cass began to shake her head cutting Sasha's apology short.
"No worries hun, I've broken a fair few hearts as well", she said with a cheeky wink.
YOU ARE READING
The Exchange
ChickLit-A coming-of-age story about self-discovery- Sasha has always been the girl without the boyfriend. The girl who always fades into the background, hiding behind her confident, sassy friends. But things are about to change- it's the summer before Uni...
