Sasha's eyes glistened as she watched Ben and Julien laughing, their faces illuminated by the light in the fish tanks. The section of the pet shop that Ben had led them to was dimly lit and they found themselves inbetween tall rows of aquariums. Each one was filled with decorative sea ornaments, humming filters and small darting fish.
Soft jazz played in the background as customers filed into the shop and occasionally the intercome would crackle on and a voice would buzz through directing certain members of staff.
Peering over her brothers shoulder she realised that he had taken them to his favourite spot in the store; two tanks filled with his favourite breeds of fish, which of course consisted of the ones he had named. The breeds that he loved most were the Angelfish and the male Guppy as both had brightly coloured patterns on their scales and were odd shapes.
Sasha giggled at Ben's animated posture as he studied the animals. He had pressed one palm against the glass as if willing the tank to suddenly burst and release all the fish from its caged structure. With a huge beam on his face he began to tug on Julien's trouser leg excitedly jabbing a finger to introduce him to his 'pets'.
It was so easy to picture at times like these. So easy to picture her and Julien together. Like properly together. He'd already met and impressed her family so in other situations that would already be a step that he'd overcome. But unfortunately this wasn't a usual circumstance and her mother would lose all faith in her if the truth came out.
Sasha could just imagine Annettes's appalled expression at her lies and it made her feel as though something spiky was lodged in the back of her throat, stifling her breath.
Another constant fear and headfuck was his intentions towards her.
Sasha hung her head, studying the blue surf pattern on the tiled floor of the shop. Wouldn't it be so much easier if everyone was completely open with their emotions and confessed to how they felt right out? Then there wouldn't be all this confusion and toying between desires and worries and asking yourself again and again if you'll ever end up together. She felt like a little school girl, back in the playground picking petals from a flower chanting 'he likes me, he likes me not...'.
But Sasha wasn't that naive or immodest- she knew that Julien liked her. The hard part was figuring out how much! One of her greatest fears was being abandoned and if Julien just chucked her away after he'd got what he wanted then she would crumble. And then there was that rush of worry again- Why would someone like him want anything to do with someone like her? And would he break her heart in two so that everything would blow up in her face?
OR was there the possibility that this could be the beginning. The new start that she craved. The boy to open her up and peer inside. To hold her on windy nights and melt with her on sunny days. To crave and be craved. To listen. To kiss. To share whispered stories as the sun descends in the sky.
If they did continue to explore this magical thing that seemed to be winding it's way around the two of them, then maybe something beautiful could emerge. Sasha knew she couldn't fight against the strong current of her emotions for all eternity but letting herself get swept away by it all seemed terrifying. However she had already been thrown face first into the deep pool of icy water and it was refreshing.
Sasha wasn't so unrealistic that she wanted everything to progress like a fairytale and that Prince Charming would save her from her tower and ask for her hand in marriage straight away. But reading all those romantic books and poems meant that she had some requirements. Simply that she wanted a connection with someone before she engaged in anything too serious or began to properly break down the barriers.
The night in the field with Julien had already hurtled through some of those boundaries that she had put in place. He was so intoxicating that it she found it hard to resist. But even though they had both agreed to communicate more Sasha was still not 100% sure that they were on the same page. And if anything more intimate were to happen between them she wanted to be secure in her mind that he wanted her more than just another one of his play things. They'd already begun to talk a little bit about themselves and share what they longed for but Sasha still felt that she didn't know enough.
YOU ARE READING
The Exchange
ChickLit-A coming-of-age story about self-discovery- Sasha has always been the girl without the boyfriend. The girl who always fades into the background, hiding behind her confident, sassy friends. But things are about to change- it's the summer before Uni...
