Revelations

Unbecoming

Whilst Dean lay curled up in bed with his headphones on, green eyes lost in the haze of the rain pouring outside the window, Sam listened to his best friend expel every single doubt and fear he had entertained over the last three weeks.

He listened and didn't interject for a while; learning about the shadows and secrets buried inside of Cas that had really wounded him for a long time. Only to rise up now and cloud his judgment.

Being a mediator felt natural to him; like he was living up to his desired purpose in life. Kind of like finally helping both of them to stay afloat although the waters were really murky.

"So you think that he will touch and go," Sam leaned back in his chair and considered Cas who had stopped crying. "Like a one-night stand then."

"Yes."

"Between you and me though," Sam sighed, "out of all the hook ups Dean has ever had, have you ever seen him collapse like this with anyone else? Even Lisa?"

Cas stared at him and frowned. He shook his head. "No."

"Then why would you even think for a second that Dean would jump into this and then change his mind?"

"Because I've seen him hold onto one relationship and everything else has been impulsive and none of them has lasted longer than two days," Cas couldn't quite elaborate due to the fact that he felt doubts rather deeper than any explanation would provide.

"But Cas, none of his past relationships or hook ups have ever involved you," Sam said softly, slowly swirling around what was left of his cocoa inside the cup. "You're different in so many ways. You two have a profound bond, remember?"

The other man sighed. "You have a point."

"Oh I have a few points," Sam smiled and leaned forward. "Firstly, I think the two of you are like this because you haven't kissed each other as yet. It's been weeks, Cas! Truthfully, it's been years and when you kiss, everything is going to fall into place."

Cas' cheeks were brushed with a red tinge that quite evidently meant one thing. "I just am not sure how to do it."

"Do what?" Sam frowned.

"Kiss him," Cas' voice broke. He shyly glanced away. "This is awkward. I'm asking his brother for advice."

"No, no!" Sam held up his hands. "Dude, it's perfectly fine. Sure he's my brother but I want the best for him too and I believe that you have the best intentions. But I can't really help you with that, Cas. You need to figure that out on your own and trust me, the right time will come. Soon. All I've got to say is when you feel like doing it then do it."

And possibly it was the worst advice ever because in regards to where they were at that point, Dean really couldn't even look at him. Not when there was a thunderstorm raging away in his soul. So how could the actuality of a kiss between them become something real? Something that either of them could treasure, to feel, to fall back on for many years to come?

On his pursuit towards the window seat though, Castiel paused by the bedroom door that was slightly ajar. Bracing himself, he slowly pushed his way in and boldly stepped over the threshold, hoping that Dean was wide awake and perhaps willing to talk. But as the rain rushed down the gutters and hammered the roof of the house, Castiel couldn't help but hold his breath when he discovered the other man sleeping on his left side.

Dean was curled up like a comma, his back towards the door and he had his headphones on still. The ACDC blue t-shirt he had slipped into was bunched up by his lower back, the soft smooth skin exposed pulling Castiel's eyes and lingering there for quite some time. And even though his eyes wandered free, he still felt terrible that his hands could not feel. That they hadn't touched already. Because he was slowly beginning to crave Dean's warmth. And he wanted to wrap Dean within his arms and offer as much comfort as possible.