Revelations

Fearful

When Sam called Cas the following evening to explain the plan, he was suddenly yanked halfway across the world. His butt hit a wooden bench hard and his lanky form folded forward as the whistle of the wind immediately surrounded them.

"What the hell, Cas!" Rubbing the back of his neck, the younger Winchester turned to observe the angel limply sitting forward on the bench next to him.

"Corentyne River, South America," he said in greeting, his voice reminding Sam of Dean's top five things he loved about the guy. "If you look closely, you can see the fatigued fisherman casting his net several times in attempt to catch catfish. I've been sitting here for over an hour and he still hasn't filled his cooler."

"Really Cas?" Sam's eyes fixated on the small blue and white boat a few yards away from them. "You dragged me all the way over here to show me a dude fishing?"

"I spend my time these days in solace as I try to find something to distract me from D—" he stopped, failing terribly at that one name that suddenly forced him to blink rapidly. "Well, perhaps it's not working."

"It's not going to," Sam provided in a softer tone. "Not until the two of you sit down and talk. Like...really talk about your feelings."

"The net has a gaping hole in it," Cas suddenly said, narrowing his mesmerizing blue eyes. The sun was sinking low in the west, and the sky was dusted with pink and orange. "I wonder if he is aware of the hole?"

"So I brought paper and a pen," Sam went on as if Cas' suddenly amazement in fishing was totally normal. "I figure that we could start on your side of things now."

"I'm not writing him a love letter," Cas stated, fixing his squinted eyes at the younger Winchester.

"Nah, nothing like that. More like five things you're sorry for in regards to him."

"Is that all?" Cas asked sarcastically, and his tone shocked Sam immediately as he scrutinized the other man's countenance and discovered a raw kind of anger.

"Come on. You're my best friend. I know that you still love him, Cas. I really do. And I know that you want to patch up things as much as he does—"

"I'm not going back, Sam."

"Cas...come on."

"Sam!" the angel suddenly cried out hoarsely, "I'm not going to run back to him because he has broken every part of me that was capable of feeling love. It was my biggest mistake and I should have never allowed myself to hope. Love makes you weak. Weaker than I could have ever imagined because my power is at barely minimal now. I've observed humans for many centuries and I've seen what love does. It doesn't make you stronger. Only fools fall in love because it is a folly game."

Sam sighed. This was never going to be easy. Never. Only the guilty believed that pouring as much effort into making amends would suffice. Which was what Dean had done. He had spent the entire night with the light on in his room working on that damn essay about his feelings whilst Cas had simply had enough. He had reached his breaking point.

"Okay, I understand," he said, feeling defeated already. "I get ya. Totally. You're done with him and no matter if he is on the brink of killing himself with guilt, you're not going to make the effort to talk things through."

Cas stared at him for a long time, and Sam couldn't read his facial expression. "Did he tell you to do this?"

"No!" Sam was genuinely offended. "I'm doing this because I want to patch things up between the two people that matter the most to me. I can't watch the two of you fall apart like this anymore. You're bouncing around the globe trying to get over him, Cas. And it's not working. Don't you want to at least try to listen to what he has to say? He's done his part," Sam gestured at the paper and pen. "Dean's gone all pasty, losing weight and out of his mind over this—"