Revelations

Unwind

Tossing his cellphone on the bed closer to the window, Dean shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the arm of a chair. He was so close to losing his mind, being so weak scared the shit out of him. Because his mind felt so fragile, and since he had collapsed after Cas walked out on him weeks ago, maybe he had been pretending that he was okay all the time. Maybe he had been skating on thin ice. Far from accepting the truth. Miles away from believing that he could get better, that he could push through this and survive.

"Dean," Cas approached the other man with tentative steps and after he realized he had nothing to lose at that point, he wrapped his arms around the hunter.

Immediately, Dean's body tensed up because when they were so damn close, when he could feel so much of Cas, he was reminded of his doubts. And he hated himself for feeling so doomed by his childhood. For feeling like if he was weak and less of a man because he loved a man.

But Cas wouldn't let go of him. He never could anymore. Instead, he pulled Dean in and hugged him from the back, reaching up and gathering the hunter's shoulders within his grasp to create a kind of shield. And when Dean leaned back into his warmth, Cas melted.

He boldly pressed soft kisses onto the other man's neck when Dean tilted his chin upwards, and those emerald eyes fluttered close. Cas wanted to shelter him. To prove to him that what they were, was beyond anything physical. Was beyond their imaginations. And maybe if they just held onto each other, then nothing else would ever matter.

"I love you," he tried again, this time as his warm breath kissed the other man's flushed neck.

Cas wanted to unhinge every part of Dean's resistance. He wanted to open him up and explore every single flaw. He kissed Dean's neck. Over and over again. Almost like the taste and the feeling was too blissful. Too thrilling. He could feel the hunter's chest heaving. And then suddenly he tasted salty tears. Tears that had trailed down the other man's cheek and onto Cas' lips. And when he realized that Dean was crying, he turned him around in his arms and hugged him.

They swayed slowly on the spot, like if their souls were dancing. Because physically, their minds weren't in the same room. Cas was floating so high above the chaos in their lives and the only thing he marveled over was the way Dean felt in his arms. So certain and dependent in his embrace. He was crying, sobbing into the crook of Cas' shoulder, wetting his trench coat and maybe...maybe Dean was emptying his fears and his doubts onto him. Maybe Dean trusted him so much that he leaked all his sorrow and pain onto the only person he loved so much.

Cas kissed Dean's right ear and ran pathways with his fingers through soft, dark tendrils. Feeling and not thinking. Knowing and not doubting. He could feel the hunter trembling in his arms. The way they fitted perfectly together as they kept holding onto each other. As Dean relied on his support and his comfort whilst he collapsed inside.

By the time he had drained his tears on the other man's shoulder, Dean felt so exhausted. He wasn't ashamed of crying. He wasn't ashamed of showing his weakest side to Cas because he loved him so damn much. But then when they parted from each other and he turned towards the two beds on opposite ends of the room, Dean felt terrible all over again. Because he wanted Cas to keep on holding him. He couldn't imagine himself falling asleep without the other man's warmth. And when he climbed into bed that night, Dean reached for Cas in the darkness of the room.

Through the soft glow of the moonlight cascading through the window, Cas came to him without his trench coat on. Slipping into the bed made softer by their love for each other and turning on their sides just so that they could talk until sleep came. And when Dean finally opened up to Cas, he revealed so much of himself, that gradually the tears came. There was so much he wanted to tell him. So much he had concealed so far. So being honest was a relief.