Don't Go Away Mad // Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee - Lexx

Chapter 20 - Is It The Action Or The Words?

**Like it matters....uh, heavy smut warning ahead.**

Nikki - 

I’m feeling conflicted. Tommy and I are getting nowhere. Everything new he says is pissing me off instead of making things better. I would imagine that the feeling is mutual. Maybe we’re not meant to be. It makes me wonder how we ever got along for all of these years. Our intimate relationship has most definitely changed things between us. It wasn’t supposed to. Fucking emotions suck, and I’m not used to dealing with emotions like this. 

Tommy seems nearly surrendered when I bring up the fact that I’m fucking tired of hearing how much more important his wife is than me. I get that to a certain extent, but for fuck’s sake, why does he have to mention it every single time we’re together. Starts to make me feel like nothing but a gimmick to him. I might suggest that he get her name and #1 tattooed on his dick, so that every time we start to become intimate with each other, I’ll be reminded where my place is without having to hear his damn mouth. 

How does he expect me to believe that he loves me, or that he has any clue what love is, when I’m constantly told that I’m second rate. It’s a bunch of bullshit. I’m pretty sure that he just likes me for fucking. That’s fine, but stop acting like you care, when I know that I’m not actually the one that you care about.

I’m waiting to see how Tommy responds to me; while I’m feeling proud and mighty for making my point and making him feel shitty about it. I’m fucking pissed that this is just going on and on. Neither of us seem to want to give in completely. Maybe it’s done. Maybe I can claim victory. 

Tommy stands up and plucks the bottle of whiskey from my hand, then sets it on the far end coffee table, and then sits on the table in front of me. He seems frustrated that we can’t resolve shit, and starts lecturing me about how we’re so different….  Yawn. I throw my head back on the cushion to prepare to be put to sleep by his droning. 

He tells me that I made him cry. I guess there’s a little satisfaction in that. Oh, and here comes some more shit about his fucking wife. Time to close my eyes, and let the drool start leaking from the corners of my mouth as I nod off from boredom. That is until Tommy unexpectedly reaches under my jaw, and pulls me in for a kiss. Holy shit! He’s got my full attention now. Where'd this come from?

Oh god, I missed him. I don’t think that I realized how much. Please don’t stop kissing me. I think maybe I can forget about all of the other shit. I’ve been waiting for his hands on me. I guess that’s the point he was just trying to make. Fuck everything wrong between us, we’re only wasting time. 

Tommy climbs onto my lap, straddling me, and begins to tell me everything that he loves about me, while continuing to kiss me on my mouth and neck. Finally, it's everything that I want to hear. I don’t remember what I’m even still upset about with Tommy. It doesn’t matter. I just want this. He makes his feelings for me very clear. I know that I feel the same way, I just can’t express myself the way he does. I just can’t. I’m not ready.

Tommy is in my face asking me what I want. He seems to be willing to do anything I want. I know what I want, and it’s simple, but I’m struggling to get words out. I think that I want to show him, first, how I feel about him, since I'm struggling to find the right words. I have to put it to action. 

I tell him to stand up. He gets off my lap quickly. At this point, I don’t think if he knows whether I’m going to respond to him negatively or in the way he hopes. He’s about to find out, when I unbuckle his belt, undo the fly on his jeans, and start to take them down. 

He looks relieved and thrilled all at once. He puts his hands on my belt, and I shake my head no, and instead tell him to sit. I push my coffee table back and get on the floor to remove Tommy boots and to pull his jeans off all the way. I look up at Tommy as I push his legs apart. He starts to pant, and tells me that I don’t have to do this. I unbutton my shirt, take it off, and throw it over his head, as my final answer.