Secret Kisses

Secret Kisses Part 22

22.

I sat on my bed, staring at my packed things. Today was uneventful, I just finished packing and cleaned up. It was now 5pm and i planned to drop by to sebastian's at six to drop off his jacket and settle things.

Butterflies filled my tummy at that thought. I wasn't ready to face him. I hoped he wasn't home so I could just leave his jacket on the door and leave. Though I doubt he wouldn't be home. I sighed and went to take a shower.

I got changed in casual clothes; a black hoodie and jeans. I tied my hair at the top of my head, several layered strands falling to my face. I didn't wear any makeup. I sighed and grabbed sebastian's jacket and left my dorm.

I drove with the radio on an unfamiliar station. The radio announced the song playing was called "misery". It had a good beat to it and the lyrics were good. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, my nerves getting worst as I turned on his street.

"hope he's not home, hope he's not home." I said to my self. I frowned when I reached the front of his house. His lights were on. So he was home.

I parked the car and started to breathe deeply because I noticed I was hyperventilating. I finally turned off the car and grabbed his jacket from the passenger seat. I got out of the car and slowly walked to his front door.

I hadn't rung the doorbell. I just stood there, in front of the door. I took a deep breath, and with a shaky hand, I rang the door bell. My heart was racing, I waited for several seconds till the door slowly opened and Sebastian stood under the door frame, light spilling out of the door. He looked surprised to see me. I gave a small smile.

"I uh- I uh came by to drop off your jacket." I said. I looked at the ground. "oh. Thanks." he said, sounding disappointed. "no problem. I uhm- wanted to talk as well." I said, feeling awkward and nervous at the same time. "sure. Come in" he said. Sebastian stood aside to let me in.

He closed the door and walked to the living room. I followed him silently till he took a seat on the couch. I sat on the chair across the couch. We didn't say anything for a while. I still held his jacket.

"oh here." I said. I stood and gave him his jacket and then sat down. "thanks" he said. "so I just wanted to talk about everything before I go." I said, looking at the designs of the marbled floor. "go?" he said. I scratched my head, I didn't know how to tell him. "uhm so I've decided that I'm going to transfer to Seattle." I said. I looked up at him and he was looking down. "I see. That's good I guess." he said. "thanks. I just want to say I'm sorry that I snapped at you several days ago. I just. I just needed to be alone." I said still looking at him. He didn't look up yet. "it's alright. I understand. Jayla, about what you saw with Janine, it was nothing. She came on to-" he said but I cut him off. "Sebastian its alright. You don't need to explain. It doesn't really matter anymore." I said with no anger. "it doesn't?" he let out a breath. "yes because I'm leaving tomorrow." I said. "oh. I see. So soon." he said. "yes" I didn't know what to say. There was an awkward silence.

"so what time do you leave tomorrow?" he said quietly. "first thing in the morning." I was twiddling my thumbs and staring at the floor again. "oh." was all he said. "yea. I just wanted things to be good with us before I left. You know, no animosity or awkwardness." I said. Sebastian was silent. "I want you and that's it." he said firmly. I stayed silent. "I'm sorry I'm all out of second chances to give to anyone." I said. "I'm not like everyone. I won't mess up again." he looked at me, sadness in his eyes. "I know but, I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm just going to focus on my academics, where my worries are on my grades and where I know I won't get hurt. I've always ended up burned when I've given second chances. I done with that." I said. I was crazy to not take back a great guy like Sebastian, but I just couldn't at the moment. "I see. I'm sorry. I really tried to get her off me. She just wouldn't budge. Please Jayla believe me. I don't care for her. I only care for you. I love you and you know it." he said. I didn't know what to say. "I love you too but I know love never lasts." I said quietly. "as long as we try to make it last." he said. "why try when I know it won't work out in the long run?" I said. "jayla you don't know that." his tone rising. "no I don't because I'm a kid. I don't know anything when it comes to this. It's not easy for me to see you kiss another girl, to get my heart broken for the first time, to fall in love. They always say the first love is the hardest and I can see why. I just. I just need to get my self back together again before I can love again. I don't know how long that'll take or if I'll ever recuperate from all this." I said. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I hope you'll forgive me." he said. "I do forgive you. I just don't think we can be together." I said. "why not?" he sounded angry. "I just can't.". "why?"he said again. "I just can't look at you the same way. I'm sorry. Let's just be friends and nothing more." I said. I felt my heart hurting. I didn't know why I was doing this to the both of us. "is it because of Blake? I heard his declaration of love to you yesterday" he said. "It has nothing to do with Blake." I was getting exasperated.

"look, I just am not ready for any kind of relationship at this time and not for a while. I'm sorry." I said. I had to set my priorities straight. "I understand. I'll wait for you." he said. I sighed. How could he wait for me? "why? There are better women for you. Actual women who are smarter, prettier, and your age. Why wait for someone like me? I don't get it." I said. "there is no one I want except you." he said, his green eyes staring into mine. I looked away. "I'm sorry. I'm just- I can't. I have to go. It's getting late and I need to leave early tomorrow." I stood up. "I understand. I wish you good luck." he said and stood as well. "thank you. Don't be a stranger okay?" I said. I headed toward the front door and he followed. "I won't. I hope to see you soon." he gave a small smile, his eyes only showed sadness. "thank you. Good bye Sebastian." I said and turned to face him. We stood under the door frame now.

"good bye" he said and suddenly pulled me into a hug. His arms squeezed me tightly as he rested his head on mine. "I'm so sorry for hurting you." he whispered. I didn't say anything. I just stood there. He didn't let me go for a while.

Sebastian lifted his head and looked at me, he loosened his grip around me. His eyes burning into mine. He then kissed me hard. I pulled away and began to tear. He let go of me. "I'm sorry." he whispered. He held the door frame, head bent down.

I didn't say a word, I just walked to my car silently and drove away.

I didn't know why I pulled away. Maybe because I wasn't ready or that I was afraid that Id run into his arms. I knew that I had to leave, it was the only way to erase any memory of him. It would be hard but I could do it. No more second chances, I said to my self and I'd stick to it. Though my chest ached with the pain of emptiness and heart ache. It would be a pain I'd have to get used to.

Sebastian's POV:)

I didn't understand her. She said she loved me and yet she pushed me away. I've never been so empty and depressed in my life. Maybe it was because I've never loved a girl more than I loved jayla. Her face burns my mind every second of the day.

I watched her drive away. I so very much wanted her to just forgive me and say she'd stay with me. To fill the emptiness I feel.

I went back into the house. I could do nothing anymore. I was an idiot. I never should have let Janine stay at my home. It only led to disaster. I tried so hard to pry her off me but she pinned me against the wall. I felt nothing when she kissed me.

Now jayla was gone, out of my life. Everything reminded me of her and it made things difficult. I hadn't told my parents what had happened. They would be upset that I lost jayla. The only girl they approved of. I was such an idiot. I punched the front door in frustration. I was leaning my head on the door.

I've never known that a person could have such an impact on me like this. No , I couldn't give up on her. I will not. I shall wait till she is ready and I will win her over once more. I didn't know how I could do that but I had to try. I sighed and pushed my self to stand straight. All I could do was continue my monotonous life with out Jayla. Easier said than done.

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Sorry for the long upload. I've been busy. Hoped you like it.