Secret Kisses

Secret Kisses Part 21

21.

Today was Friday. I only had three days till I left for Seattle. I was in my dorm packing. I detested packing. It was a pain. I had gotten most of my stuff packed. I began to pack the remaining clothes in my closet. I frowned when I found one of Sebastian's jackets on the hanger. I had forgotten to give it back the night we had a piano lesson, before we started dating. I sighed. I had to give it back. Or maybe i could mail it to him? I decided against it.

I came to the decision that I'd drop it off Saturday night and settle everything before I left. I felt bad for snapping at him yesterday and I just didn't want to be bitter anymore. It wasn't who I was and I didn't know what happened to me.

I held his jacket and could still smell his cologne. I sat on the floor. This wasn't me. I didn't wear clown makeup, short dresses or heels daily. I was only changing my appearance to better my self. It was wrong. I set sebastian's jacket on the bed and went to my dresser. I put all my cosmetics in a plastic bag and threw them away. I kept the mascara and eyeliner.

I finished packing my clothes and other things. My room was bare. I gathered my school books so I could sell them back to the school. I had six large books. I managed to get them piled and out the door without dropping them.

I made my way across the lawn when Blake rushed over to me. "hey let me help you." he took four of the books. "thanks."I said as we begun to walk to the book store. "so it's official then?" he said. He was staring at the grass. "what is?" I said, looking at him and hoping I wouldn't trip. Once I thought of the word trip, images of my meeting with Sebastian flashed in my mind. I suddenly felt a deep sadness. "you're moving to Seattle." he said. "oh yea. I'm probably gonna stay there for few semesters and transfer back." I said. Though I didn't know if that was true. "oh that's good I guess. Why don't you just stay?" he said. He was still trying to stop me from transferring. "Blake it's too late." I said.

We reached the book store and Blake was silent. It was slow and we were at the counter right away. I sold my books and got back 150$. Blake was still silent.

"hey let me take you to lunch since you helped me carry my books." I said, trying to create a conversation, the silence was getting to me. "sure. Sounds good." he said.

Blake and I went to IHOP. It was busy. The hostess led us to the one of two only open tables.

We looked over the menu and ordered our food. I played with the water droplets on the glass of my water, staring at the ice cubes. Blake took my hand and held it in his across the table. I stared at him. He was looking down. What was he up to?

Blake was quiet for a moment. I just stared. "jayla, please don't go." he begged. I frowned. "why are you so against it?" I said. "because I -- you." he mumbled. I couldn't hear him over the chattering of the rest of the customers. "I'm sorry I can't hear you." I said louder. He then looked up and into my eyes. "jayla I love you" he said louder. I didn't have time to respond Because I heard a person clear their throat loudly. Blake and I looked up at the same time. Sebastian stood next to our table. He was with the hostess, Scarlet and what looked like her fiancé by the way they held hands. Sebastian looked at me and then Blake and I's hand intertwined on the table. Blake held on to my hand. Scarlet turned and smiled at me. "hey Jayla." she said. I smiled at her. "hey guys." I said. Sebastian took his seat across scarlet and just nodded. He held the menu up to his face.

"Jayla please" Blake said. He squeezed my hand lightly. I looked at him. "I'm sorry I've made up my mind." I said. Then the waitress came with our order and Blake let go of my hand. I tried to focus on my omelet but felt nervous. I was put in an awkward situation and I didn't like it. I had to fix things with Sebastian so I wouldn't be put into these kind of situations. I ate my food in silence. I tuned out the loud chattering voices. I think Blake was talking but I couldn't hear it. He waved his hand in front of my face. "huh? Sorry. Tired from packing." I said. "it's alright. Did you need help?" he asked. "I finished this morning. I just need to clean up a bit." I said. "I see." he said. Then the waitress came with the check. I grabbed the check immediately. "ready?" I asked. I stood up and Blake followed. I turned to scarlet "good bye" I said and she smiled and nodded and there was a murmured bye from Sebastian.

I paid for the check and Blake was silent. It was a bit unnerving. "what's wrong" I said. I knew something was bothering him.

He sighed. "Jayla I don't know if you're being ignorant or naive or just blind but I like you. a lot. Maybe even love. I always have, since borders. And I know you just got out of a relationship, but it's driving me crazy that I can't be there for you. To take away the sadness and pain." he said. I was taken aback. "

"Blake I-" I began but Blake cut me off. "no don't. I don't want to hear it." he said. He then just pulled me to him and kissed me. I stood there. This was the second time I've been kissed like this. Blake pulled away. "I've been wanting to do that since day one." he said. "I-I have to go." I said and walked away. I didn't know what to do. The kiss wasn't horrible but I felt guilty. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because I was still trying to get over Sebastian. I did like Blake though. He was a nice, smart guy. I guess it was best that I was transferring. I didn't need to see both of them for a long while. It would make getting over them easier and it would help them forget me as well. I didn't want any boy drama. I missed my old life where the only things that mattered was school. I felt so safe with my academics and books. I wanted to have that life again. The only way was to get away.

Running away was what I always did. I ran away from my high school problems and now this. I was a coward. I would always be one.

I reached my dorm and laid in bed. I just wanted to leave already. To get away. I knew running wouldn't help but the saying out of sight, out of mind was what I believed in. I felt a pang of sadness when I thought about not walking the familiar halls and sidewalk. Not seeing Scarlet, Blake, Zandeya, and Sebastian. Though I knew I had to do this. I needed to get my focus back on my career.

With that final thought, I fell asleep.

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