Fragments of Me

Chap 14 : Memories

A week is still left. I don't want the holidays to although it is weighing down heavily on me. Recent events left me half broken and now this. It's been two weeks since I last talked with Joana. I can't call her as her phone is with her mother and I don't want her to land in trouble because of me. I just hoped she was fine while inside I was craving for her presence and voice. Things changed around me quite quickly. Only Trevor seemed the same. I guess the big bang even will be unable to change him. Axxis went fully gang-mode and Raphael became an alcoholic. Matteo was now a photographer and a very serious student. Even I had changed or so I am told. They said that I had died. I was a big taken aback. I guess they were right. I talked less, spent most of time alone, confined, kept thinking all the time and yeah, smoked a lot. I didn't like to talk that much anymore. There were selective people with whom I really had a conversation. Unnecessary words gave me a headache that would lead to a bad mood for the whole day. I became defiant and not a single conversation went without me silencing everyone in the room. I did lose myself. My parents sent me to a psychiatrist after that. The main job of a psychiatrist to me is, as the name suggests, be a psycho. They sit behind a table and try to understand the person sitting opposite to them through words and secrets. My psychiatrist turned out to be my family doctor. Middle aged man with a daughter of my age trying to undertake what had happened with me. My parents were not allowed in the room as per the rule saying that the secrets shared are too sharp to be heard by parents. So I was left in a room with him,

Psycho : Feel free to open up. Both your spirit and your mind.

Me : My mind is open thus I am speaking and my spirit can't be opened up cause I lost its key.

Psycho : Well your report said that you were defiant but I didn't know that it was this much.

Me : What other wonderful things are written about me?

Psycho : Bad-tempered, crossed, depressed, anxious, good mannered and strong headed.

Me : Let me add some more, smoker, rookie drug addict, somewhat alcoholic, fiend, suicidal, maniac, humourous, bike addicted and so much more.

Psycho : Reasons?

Me : Teenage.

Psycho : What do you like to do most of the time?

Me : Think.

Psycho : What do you think of?

Me : The changes taking place in my life and how I am going to cope with it.

Psycho : You said you are a smoker, right?

Me : Right.

Psycho : Lets go.

We got down from his office and started walking. The streets were less busier than before. We stopped before a shop and he told me to pick. I took a packet of Benson switch, I was running low on smokes and when I tried to pay he refused. Damn, someone of my father's age is paying for my smokes. That's elite status. We went to the roof of his office and we split two. He opened himself up to me. I find people opening up to me for no reason at all. Most of the time the ones that I have been defiant, rude, direct and disturbing to. I find it odd. They share their burden with me and my shoulders are piled up with secrets that are complex to handle. He continued,

Psycho : You know I have a daughter who is your age, if not older. She was like the older you but now she has changed into someone who I am having a hard time recognizing.

Me : Nobody stays the same. And maybe something happened that had done so.

Psycho : That is what teenage did and she took it badly. What you told me you do is being done by her.