Fragments of Me

Chap 16 : Silence

When you tell someone that you are having trouble sleeping their minds immediately turn to negatives. They think of what wrong deeds that person is involved in. Less people are there who think otherwise and most of them, unfortunately have experienced it so they can only understand. Rather saying that I am sleep deprived, I decided to just bury it. Let's see what happens. That day sleep seemed far away. I closed my eyes to find no dreams and was only met by a beautiful black surrounding. The blackness of it was extreme and it caused me to pop open my eyes. I went to my roof and lighted a smoke. Drag after drag but I still felt restless. Joana's words played in my mind and it was painful. A headache started. Damn! I messaged my temple only to find it hurting more. I could hear my own blood gushing through my veins. I got angry. The thing with me was that I cannot see someone close to me in pain. Whether be it my friends or my enemies. In my enemies case, the pain they should get is from me not others. Its a bit possessive. So imagining her in that situation was making me lose my mind. I would end up doing something that would make it more bad. While thinking all of these the sun rose up. I went down and pretended to have slept the whole night. Took two pills and dressed myself for school. I wanted to be there for her cause she was going through all of these for me. her smile was hiding behind all these misery that was going through. She is a strong girl. I would have blasted through the roof if i was in her place. She seemed to ease up. She was laughing and it felt good. Another day went by. Well, another day decreased. I didn't want to leave school. That meant not being able to meet her everyday and not being able to be beside her. I treasured her presence and I didn't want to lose it. But my parents were not worth talking to. I came home to see my face on the mirror, tears forming almost. I thought I had all this under control but maybe I underestimated. There was a building right beside my house and it was 11 floors high. Before it was built, this used to be our playground. The building grew quite quickly and it was responsible for many noisy headaches on its way. But after half completion we got news that the owner died and the building was empty ever since. During the class six days we would climb up the building and jump to Matteo's rooftop as it was right beside it and have late night smoke sessions. Now this rooftop became a sanctuary. I think most of my time is spent hanging my legs off the railings of the roof and looking afar into nothing. Some people found it profound and some a little bit doubt-ish. I had grown into a zombie these days, as I am told because of just staring into the nothingness. It feels good sometimes, but most of the time it feels lonely. I just wait for someone for whom I matter, to pull me out of this. It takes time and yes, not everytime what you expect takes place but the want is always there. One day, Axxis brought a friend, his neighbour, to our spot. The place which was known to only five of us and everyone in the area knew that only five of us had access to it, now became known to many. More friends from the spot used to chill out here. As I was saying, Axxis brought a friend. A girl. By her looks she was pretty, words were fast as bullets so she was smart and very annoying, in fact. Axxis comes up with a frown on his suggesting that he was told to do something that he didn't want to do. He stood behind me as nobody had the heart of climbing the railing and hanging their legs down.

Axxis : Why the long face, bruv?

Me : I should ask you.

Axxis : I escorted a fullon blasted chatterbox characterized bitch.

Me : Someone got punished because of me.

Axxis : Stop being a crybaby. I think mine is more painful and somewhat more logical than yours.

Me : Maybe to you. By the way, why did you bring her if you didn't want to?

Axxis : Her mom told my mom to take her to hang out with me.

Me : You are caught in your own net. I hope you don't get out.

Axxis : Fuck you. And by the way, you owe me one right?

Me : How?

Axxis : Remember when you sent me to the edge of the city just to find out if it was possible to build a leather crafted book for your girlfriend?

Me : Shit!

Axxis : I am simply going to escape from here and you are going drop her off at home.

Me : How hard can it be?

Axxis : Don't jump to conclusions just yet. Hasta la Vista, devil.

Axxis quickly turned backwards and ran causing everyone to look in his way. He looked ridiculous and maybe he wanted to be. The girl was going to ask but his pace was too fast to hear. I think in his mind he was shouting "successful!". She came over to me. And by the way, ever since she came on the roof, she didn't talk that much with everybody just normal introduction and then silence. Standing in front of me she put her hand forward.

The girl : Hey, what's your name?

Me : Aron.

The girl : Aren't you gonna ask mine?

Me : I suppose you will tell me...

The girl : Hmm, its Arya.

There are, according to me, some categories when it comes to girls. Some don't talk, some don't like talk that much, some you want to talk to and some you try to avoid. She was the last one. I wanted to end our small chit-chat thus I was rude. But it didn't matter to her. She continued,

Arya : Are you going to jump?

Me : No.

Arya : Are you thinking of doing so?

Me : No. I am not.

Arya : Why are you so silent?

Me : Why can't you be silent?

Arya : Breakup? Heartbreak? Cheated?

Me : Sorry but not of the above. Just something more sensible.

Arya : Then what are you doing exactly?

Me : Looking at the inescapable beauty of the view of the ground underneath me and the sky the out of my reach but they both can be attained. Maybe.

Arya : How is that?

Me : Just jump.

She was a bit taken back. Maybe she hadn't expected this. It's fun to see that expression. I remembered to have done this to Joana and her smiling afterwards causing butterflies in my stomach. I climbed down and told her of her walk back with me. She was a bit excited. Now I know what was Axxis talking about. She was annoying. The walk back was a headache. Her childish humourless stories gave a headache. I quickened my pace and we reached the safe haven. She said bye and I just just slightly nodded. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh with her. But she should know that not everyone will want to hear what she says just because she talks about something. I went home and found my stock to be empty. I was feeling a bit tipsy so I decided to ride. I reached the shop and bought two packets. Ah. I started the bike and slowly went through the road. I heard a huge roar behind and looked at my rear view glasses to see a car speeding towards me. I gave it some space so that it crosses safely. The car came beside me and intentionally it slammed my front wheel forcing me to surge forward. My bike skidded and stopped in the middle of the road while I rolled to its side. The car halted realising it's mistake. I didn't care. I was going to beat the shit out of the driver. But my vision said otherwise. All I saw was my blood on my shirt and a severe pain in my chest. Dude you better have insurance.

The driver got out....