Fragments of Me

Chap 9 : Crush

Class seven ended and everything got confusing. Teachers became obsessed with the idea of 'O' levels and the parents increased the volume of their speakers and it duration. What was "Study four hours a day!" became "Study the whole day!". It was lunatics but all in all it was a never ending trend of humour. I had discovered the name of the girl. It was Joana. Only she was still the same. Mike and the others used to poke her  but she only nodded. I started to learn new things about her. She shifted from Kriens. From heaven to hell. She was a writer. I overheard the teachers complimenting on her writing skills and it was not the same way as they did to us. We were bribed with compliments so that we show more attention towards our works but in her case the teacher had pride present in her eyes. I never used to write. I only completed my classwork as it was necessary. The thing was not in me. I still doubt it ever will be. Writers were considered alien to me. They seemed to write their whole world and perception in words. I added her on Facebook and unknowingly on Instagram. When she said her name in the inbox or should I say revealed, then I found out. An old friend had joined school at that time namely, Samael. Badass, prick, drug addict and a person who never studies I have ever seen. He never cared about his grades, life to him was cars, girls, drugs and money. My father asked me one day when he saw Samael smoking that why don't I make him understand, I got a bit angry. I was like if he smoked he had his own reasons and if he died doing it then too, it would be unfair to barge into someone's life and stop him from doing something that might provide pleasure and who knows, a reason to live. It was one day he poked me.

Samael : Hey man, look. Doesn't Mike's stare towards Joana seem a bit suspicious?

Me : Why do you think so?

Samael : I heard that they get a bit too attached on social media...

Me : What is the plan, then?

Samael : Mike's a scaredy cat due to his mother and I know nothing about Joana. So let's give them a push. Who knows what the outcome might be?

Me : Within limits.

I didn't want to agree but really I was a bit curious. Mike definitely didn't look at Joana the same way he did when she first came. But something told otherwise. Whenever somebody saw them talking Mike's expression would drastically change. It was if he didn't want it. We started. I swear to God, it was fun. We teased them with anything and everything we got on them. Sometimes it was fun and sometimes things got ugly. Mike had bigger nails than a girl. Wonder if he was one. So it meant us going home to find  scratch marks all over. Damn him. We usually made situations that allow them to be together. Mike was easy. Joana was complicated. With her you have to be rude but not rough. I remember knocking on her bench for along time until she angrily got up, gave me a stare and changed to another place. Me and Samael kept it up. But somewhere deep inside I felt a want. I was sure it was a bluff but sometimes the energy got lost. We were successful in bringing a smile to her face. She looked more beautiful with it. When I told Samael about this it went like,

Me : Hey man she smiled today.

Samael : It is not because of us. I think Mike has made a small move. I saw them on the stairs talking. The proximity was quite close.

Me : I hope Mike doesn't chicken out.

There was clearly a drastic change present on Joana's face. She laughed, interacted well and sometimes brilliantly smiled. But Mike seemed a bit weird. He was one with us and one with her. And that kind of kept me on an edge because Mike was always the scaredy types.

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I had zero female friends by then so the understanding of a girl's mind was pretty new to me. My everyday routine was to go to school, tease, come back home, smoke and hang out with the gang. I felt out so I started stalking. My only advisor on this case was my elder cousin sister. She had lots of experience cause she had been on a number of relationships and she knew what is what. But I didn't want it from her. With her I felt weak and little and that, to me was disappointing. Then I met Melanie. Melanie  studied in the same class as Raphael. She was smart(they all are, I guess), brilliant and beautiful and a badass. She had zero relationship interests and by her attitude never will have one. I drove by bike to the spot where we all used to hang out everyday and found her beside Raphael. Raphael was the same case as hers though they looked quite perfect for each other. They never thought that way and didn't want them to. He introduced me to her and I offered my hand for a shake. She was a bit taken back. She stood up and gave me a hug. I was shaken. We talked for hours on end and eventually came to our topic,

Melanie : So, you in a relationship?

Me : No.

Melanie : Tried?

Me : With three. Not one successful attempt.

Melanie : From school?

Me : From outside. Never had someone in school.

I lied to her. I did but it was my first introduction and you can't tell these things to someone you just met. I asked her and she said she did everything. I understood and frankly speaking, I was feeling a bit disgusted with the facts heard. We stopped for a few moments and we both knew this conversation won't go on. But I asked her something just for the sake of it,

Me : Hey can I ask you something?

Melanie : Sure.

Me : Since you are the expert here, tell me something, when does a person starts looking differently at another person of different sex?

Melanie : When they grow feelings for each other.

Me : Love...?

Melanie : It can be both love and hate.

Me : Sorry for this but another one, what does it mean when a person looks at someone one way when alone and when with people, another way?

Melanie : Is it love or hate?

Me : Choose love, hates too cruel...

Melanie : Then the person accepts that someone privately but is afraid to accept it openly. Where are you getting all this from.

Me : Life...

We became friends. She asked why boys watch porn a lot and I told her because it calms our inner demons. She laughed at it. I did watch porn and unlike others I had  a huge collection of it but not because of lust but because of interest. It feels weird when I remember those days. I dropped her off at home after we both dragged Raphael to his. She rested her head on my back and had her arms around me. She seemed happy but in her laugh I felt loneliness.   Not a partner one but in need of a friend. I decided to keep in contact with her. Who knows maybe one day she might be of great help? I went to school the next months to find always a sheepish grin on Samael's face. The days were spent with me teasing on several accounts with the newly found couple. Deep down I felt something different. They had a crush on each other. That was for sure but why would I feel suffocating. If I did feel anything, I promised to keep it hidden. Joana had hatred in her eyes for me and Mike a want to rip my face off. Since it was great mental satisfaction I decided to be selfish in this matter. Samael was leaving school after the mid-term meaning I was given the full throne to rule. A lot of work to be done. It was my last period when I saw Mike coming down the stairs in quite a hurry. Sweat was clearly evident and so was the expression of making a mistake. I saw Joana appear in the stairs quite surprised but agitated. She didn't see me, I guess. I slowly climbed down the stairs with a smirk on my face. Either they told each other or they kissed each other but why would she be agitated. Aldrin saw the look on my face and went,

Aldrin : Bro, saw Joana and Mike upstairs. I was searching for you. And by the way, why the devilish grin.

Me : I think the future is going to be quite interesting...

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Note : "People who are sad, rude, direct and silent are actually the wisest counsellors in disguise because they have a past that made them so"...