Fragments of Me

Chap 23 : Stupid mind

After the last escalade I am proud to say I am done. But life. Oh, that motherfucker had more up it's sleeves. When Arya told me about her and Axxis's relationship, I was disgusted. Not at them being in a relationship, but to the fact that I only knew what was going on. Arya was blindly in love and Axxis on the other hand was just using her. Needless to say for what. I heard a rumour that Axxis was in two relationships but didn't know who the other girl was. Matteo and Raphael sobered up. They knew what they did. Elena was heartbroken and went back to what she was doing before them. Studies. Trevor lost his intentions in any and everything that involved a female's presence. He wasted his days being who he is. A lousy headache. Me? I was becoming an idiot. Straightforward. I was feeling it coming. I lost my hopes after that. The exams had ended and a small vacation was going on. Well this time was intended to remind students to check what they wrote in the exams because the results were nearing. My parents, as usual were more tensed than me. It was common. I was a bit tensed because, this time everything seemed a bit weird. I can't describe it in words. Maybe it was my mind. On the day, I received a mail. I became second. Expected. I wanted to know who became first. My guess was Joana. Nobody else was worth it. I messaged a friend of mine and she confirmed. I was happy for her. My parents came to see my results and they just exploded. I was a bit taken back. I knew it was not what they expected but atleast they could appreciate. They didn't. Couple of hours went by and Mom exclaimed to hold a meeting. The three of us. Me as the topic. They sat in front of me. I was getting ready to ignore everything they say. But...

Mom : Is this how you repay us back? With this result?

Me : Repay you? When was I in debt?

Dad : We work our asses off for you and you give us this?

Me : I didn't ask for that. I didn't force you. I didn't tell you. You decided and I was only left to agree.

Mom : You are the reason for your own downfall. Your constant using of phones and computers, your friend circle is ruining your life. Your results prove it. 

Dad : From now on you will do what we tell you and nothing else. If you fail to follow these parameters, trust me, things won't be so good.

Me : Who said that they are good now? How much more is left to take? You know what, take it all, phone, computer, friends. But please do take my life along with it. I don't want to live like this.

Dad : Nobody wants to. You have reached an age where you will think of your parents as your enemies. We will be the only people in the world who will want your betterment. And that will be obtained by listening and doing what we want.

Me : Where is the place of my life in all that? I don't think of you as my enemies but that doesn't make you my friends. I can't say anything to you, can't share anything with you, can't do anything I want to. 

Dad : Why can't you share? Why can't you say? Obviously it's something you are afraid to do.

Mom : Enough of this. You can either listen to us or things will not be good.

Me : What more is it that you guys want?

Mom : From now on, no phones, no contact with friends, no free time gaming, no going out and utter concentration in studies. Agreed?

Me : I hate you. Both of you. Why didn't you give birth to a perfect child? 

I left house with my phone, some cash, my keys and a headache that was slowly killing me. I was out without a mask in the pandemic that made people a bit awed at the sight. Who cares. I had enough on my mind to keep me distracted. I was fighting back my tears, which was hard by itself. I didn't go to Trevor's. I wasn't ready to open up. Not to anyone. I wanted to die with this. I went to the spot with my bike. On the way I slashed into a car. The driver got our and was cursing me. I said sorry. He reached my shirt collar and pulled me off my bike. A slap was landed on my face. People were nodding in agreement. I was furious enough to kill somebody that day. The driver just triggered it. I kicked him in his balls and he fell down groaning in his pain. I kept kicking him on his stomach not letting him breathe. I might have killed him if it wasn't for someone who stopped me. They all looked at me with fear. I enjoyed it. It felt good. Still don't know why. I got on my bike, turned towards the man lying on the road. I was supposed to say "sorry" but "fuck you" came out. Maybe that was my demon saying sorry. I don't know but I felt angry. I lost my peace. I just wanted, maybe for the moment, to be able to fade away into a mist.

                                                                    
                                                                  **********************

I rode my bike to the spot and then  there checked for damages. I was feeling a bit down because I beat a person mercilessly for, well, a slightly dominated situation. But remorse, that was not present in me. I saw Raegen shouting on the phone. Raegen was the "Reaper" of the spot. He never got angry without a reason and well he needed less to become angry. He was shouting on the phone and then turned to face me and nodded and left. An hour later a girl arrived and looked around. Probably looking for him. Concerned face. The sky was slowly getting dark and the wind started to pick up. She sat a bit far away from me. The spot became deserted. People normally came her to smoke. We used to come here to enjoy. I now come her to breathe. She took her mask off. Her eyes were blinking continuously. She was holding back tears. Maybe they broke up. The usual shit that's happening these days. She saw me looking at her and came closer beside me. She spoke up,

Her : Hey I know you. You're a friend of Reagen, right? Has he passed by here?

Me : Yeah. He just took off. Maybe after screaming on the phone for a while. Was it with you?

Her : Yeah. By the way, I am Megan. His sister. 

Me : Oh. Then I am sorry. Didn't know...

Megan : Sorry for what?

Me : Nothing...

Megan : You seem sad. Are you?

Me : I am a bit. Am I that easy to read?

Megan : No it's not that. It's just your way of talking feels a bit...

Me : Why you looking for Raegen?

Megan : He ran away from home. And has not been in contact for days. So I am looking. He suddenly picked up today but now he started dodging again. 

Me : Oh okay. Good luck.

Megan : Okay I must go. It was nice talking with you...

Me : Aron...

Megan : Okay, Aron. Stay happy. You don't look good sad...

She walked down the road and disappeared. I gave a knock to Joana a long time ago and still her reply wasn't seen. I was missing her. Wish i could meet her. But in my mind, something was telling me as to what will I tell her. About my parents scolding me and me becoming suicidal about it. She will think I am nuts. I decided not to go home. This time I want to ride away. I will be back. I did not give up on this life. But for the time being, I want to disappear. So with what I ha at the moment, I just rode off. Didn't have a designated place to crash but who needed it. 

                                                                 
                                                                  ******************

I thought of visiting my aunt. Someone whom I haven't met for three long years. We talked over the phone but still I wanted to meet her. She loved me the most and I cherished her presence, always. My cousin, Chester had grown too. Last I heard. Although he became a drum by eating too much but still he was the same. Last I heard he started smoking. Following my footsteps. My cousins are almost like me. Except they less in the concept. Now when I reached my aunt's home she hugged me as if I was back from the dead. She asked about the sudden visit and I made up something to keep her at bay. She fed me upto the point I suffocated. My God. My cousins wanted some tips from me and I gave them. One of them being try to be happy. Everytime. I stayed in the house for the day. I kept a close eye to see if she called my parents asking them why hadn't they come. But she didn't. I loved my aunt. Her balcony was full of different varieties of plants. Some deadly one involved. She was a botanist and liked them. She went outside to the supermarket to get some things. I sat in her balcony, put on some music and lighted a smoke. My depression playlist was on the go. I felt tears forming on my eyes. I had a short conversation with Joana that day. I felt something was wrong but she wouldn't tell me. So I ended up telling her what was wrong with me. She consoled me and gave some advice. I kept them in my mind. Might use it later. But for knowing what was happening with her, you gotta wait. the one thing I have a hard time doing. But according to my promises, I won't force someone for something but I can wait for it. I chose to do so. But I was feeling let down. I was a failure to my parents and to myself in some ways. I looked at the sky begging for something to happen. I can't stay for long in my aunt's house until she calls my parents asking what's wrong. My phone vibrated,

: "Wanna go to the Martyred Well tonight, feeling interested and free?
                                                                                                                                 - ARYA   "

Me : "Would love to, thanks..."