Cruel Summer

LXIII.

Sid,

I read your letter. It made me miss those days when we were both struggling but we were happy. I loved that 'shabby' apartment so much and I didn't mind, I never did. Because even though we didn't have the world, we had each other. Even with the little money in our pockets, I felt full.

Honestly, you didn't have to promise me the world. I was contented with what we had. I was contented when we started having enough, but I started to lose you when we had too much of everything. The luxuries, the status, the money... that's not us. I never asked for those things.

Yes, I wanted to be more, I wanted to prove myself. But never with the material things, never with the status. Because I don't want to be blinded by how temporary these things are. Dahil ang totoo, sa lahat ng mayro'n ako, ikaw lang ang mahalaga.

You've seen my losses, my wins. Ang sabi ko pa noon, okay lang kahit nahihirapan tayo. Kasi sa akin naman, basta hawak ko ang kamay mo, kakayanin ko. Na magiging ayos na ako sa sapat, hindi kailangan nang sobra-sobra.

It's not that I'm not grateful. I am very, very thankful for you. But we started to grow apart and all of the things that we have right now started to make me feel empty. You stopped listening. You stopped holding my hand. You just... stopped being there for me.

Oo, nagkulang ka pero nagkulang din ako sa'yo. And I know I can never justify cheating, dahil kahit ano pang sabihin ko, alam kong nagkamali ako. Nagkamali ako sa'yo. I've broken our vows, I wasn't true to my promises, and I wanted out.

I am really sorry, Sid. Alam kong hindi sapat ang salitang 'to para sa mga ginawa ko sa'yo. Dahil kahit ano pang pagkukulang natin sa isa't isa, hindi 'yon sapat na dahilan para saktan kita. Hindi 'yon sapat para maghanap ako ng iba, pero ginawa ko.

That's why I decided to leave with Jamie. I cannot come back to you like this. Not this way. Ang dami ko pang kailangang ayusin. Sa sarili ko, sa buhay ko. I cannot keep depending on you like this.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who is more patient, more understanding. Someone who will love you right. Someone who will never go astray.

And right now, that isn't me because I need to be my own person first... again.

So I am letting you go because I want what's best for you. Sadly, I cannot give you that.

I love you, Poseidon. Thank you for being my safe haven.

Sincerely,
Aphrodite