Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Please don't cry, Kirsten. Please don't cry. I couldn't help it. I felt my tears threatening to all down my cheeks na, and i'm pretty sure Teng noticed. It was raining pretty hard pa sa labas so perfect timing.. I ran outside trying not to make myself oticeable to anyone, especially Fort.
I ran as far as my lega would take me.. Actually, just to one of the bleachers sa may lover's lane. I was soaked talaga, but i didn't care. I don't want anyone to see me cry, and rain is a perfect mask to hide the tears..
What did i do wrong! Was Fort cheating on me? Why did he forget me? Why is he with her? Why couldn't he tell me kanina para maintindihan ko? Doesn't he trust me? Do i still trust him?
All of those questions, in my head, all at the same time. I felt like fainting na.. Masakit pala. Masakit kahit bago lang kami. It felt like the pain i encountered with my ex.
I swore to myself never to make myself vulnerable to the feeling of pain any longer, pero i put down my barriers for Fort. I loved him e. i still do.. Pero parang siya, hindi. Why would he lie about this? Hindi niya ba naisip na mas masakit ginagawa niya? I wanted to understand why, but.. I couldn't just go up to the, and ask "oh, hey Fort, why are you with your ex girlfriend?"
I felt sick to my stomache. Great, i think i'm getting sick pa. Now i have no one.. And then i felt the rain stop. Pero umuulan parin. What? I looked up only to see Teng hovering an umbrella for the both of us. He knelt down and embraced me..
"I kow what's wrong so it'd be stupid to ask pa, but i don't know what you're feeling exactly. Care to share? I promise i won't judge." He gently told me.
God still does love me. He gave me Teng. Someone who regards me as a person of great importance to him. "Teng, it hurts. Just like before.. He promised eh. He promised he wouldn't.." And i couldn't continue after that.
"I'm here, love. I'm here. I know it'll be hard to understand, but maybe there's an explanation. You just have to wait for it. I know Fort.. He wouldn't cheat. Especially not to a girl as special as you" Ang magandang sinabi naman ni Teng.
We sat there for another 15 minutes without talking. His arm was draped around my shoulder, caressing it as a gesture of consoling a person. He knew i was crying. He was looking at me the whole time. But he didn't speak, try hard to make me laugh, or anything.. And that's exactly what i needed.
Someone who would allow me to sort my feelings out. To think about my situation. To leave me alone without actually having to desert me. He was there. Ready to listen when i needed him to, and that's all i needed and more.
I sneezed once, twice, and then another time. That's when he became concerned.
"You're getting sick. Let's go na. Do you want to sleep over sa dorm? You can have my room alone. It's late na eh. Pero call your parents first." Teng said.
"Yes please. I don't think i have that much energy left inside me, both physically and mentally." I replied. Good thing i had a car and a dorm na. I put random clothes in my car in case of emergencies so we headed there.
As i opened my car door, i took some night clothes and some for the next day. Thank God it was Friday so no classes tomorrow. I texted my rents just in case, and they were fine with it. Kilala na nila si Fort at Teng and they're very much comfortable with them. Ika nga nila, gwapo na, napakabait at gentleman pa.
We both arrived sa dorm nila and Teng handed me a new towel.. "You can have the room, and i'll just sleep sa couch sa labas. Go take a shower na para mawala na sipon mo." He smiled. "Oh, and by the way, your nose and eyes are so red, but you still look so cute." Sabay tawa ng malakas.
I nudged him playfully and told him "ang sama mo sakin! Naiyak na nga yung tao eh, gaganyanin mo pa."
As i wrapped the towel sa shoulders ko, biglang may nagbukas ng dorm.. Si Fort.
He looked at me first, and then at Teng. It was obvious that he was mad, but to hell! He had no right to be. He hurt me! Not the other way around!
"What's the meaning of this!" He demanded, directing the question more to Teng rather than me, "Why are your clothes here? Do you pllan on sleeping inside Teng's dorm! Lo saw you two entering here tapos sinabi niya agad sa akin." Halos pasigaw niyang sinasabi.
I was at a loss for words. He made it seem like i was doing something wrong.. Did he think that lowly of me? And Teng, his bestfriend? After what he did!
Naunahan ako ni Teng sumagot. "Pare, it's not what you think." He said calmly.
"Do you even know what i'm thinking!" He was outright shouting now, and i was pissed. Okay, so he does have feelings for me since nagseselos siya.. But at such a wring time and for all the wrong reasons. I couldn't help it. I went to him and pushed him away from Teng as if protecting Teng.
Fort looked at me with such a hurt expression, i felt guilty doing it to him, but no. I had to stand firm. "No, you stop it! Teng and i weren't doing anything wrong! He was comforting me after you left me hanging, waiting around for you like a lost dog kanina only to find out that you were with your ex girlfriend!"
He looked shocked and said "H-how did you know?" And he looked at Teng as if he was blaming him for the whole ordeal.
"He didn't tell me, Fort. I saw. I saw you guys together. I asked him, and all he told me was the truth so you don't get to blame him. He was there for me when you weren't! He always has been! But i want to know.. Why? Why'd you lie to me? How could you forget me?" I was crying by the time i finished what i was saying.
Fort just looked at me sadly, and tried to embrace me but i shied away from him.
"Kirsten, i'm so sorry. I forgot... I just didn't want to hurt you."
"You don't get to touch me! Or even be near me. You hurt me, Fort! In more ways than you can imagine. You could've been honest with me. I would've understood. But what you did made me doubt you.." By this time, i was behind Teng already. I didn't want to let him see me cry. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me this weak..
"Please baby, let me explain.. Don't do this. I love you. I really do, Kirsten. I really do." Pati siya, napapaiyak na rin. "Don't leave me.. I can't lose you." Sabi sa akin ni Fort.
What do i say?.. I don't know. All i know is that i couldn't bear to see him. So, instead.. I said "Just go away. I have Teng. He's all i need."
And with that, he gave up.. He looked at me with such sad eyes, without a glimpse of the smile i fell in love with, and closed the door.
Leaving me, once again.... all alone.
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What's Kirsten's next move now? Has she committed the one thing she vowed never to? To leave Fort?
And what would Fort do? Would he fight for her, or be with his ex?
Eh si Teng kaya.. Magiging bestfriend na lang ba siya, or something more kay Kirsten?
Find out in the next update :)
Sorry matagal kasi school days na eh. I'll try to upload as much as possible
