S A R A

Ch 13

13

It was a week and a half since that midnight rendez-vous happened.

We only ended up driving around the city to another lookout, but it was perfect to me.

Eventually, I did have to go back home.

The only problem was that I still haven't heard back from him since then.

Even though all that happened, I still didn't know where we stood. In fact, I was incredible confused.

And at that point, I didn't really know why I was doing this to myself, but I already had the tickets - one ticket considering I didn't really know who I could've gone with...Dixie only listened to 'alternative indie electronic' and my brother wasn't exactly a boy band fan.

I decided to go to his concert, for both bad and good reasons. I would just be washed out in the sea of millions of faces and he'd never even have to know that I was there, and I wouldn't have to deal with seeing him again, after, well everything.

Though what was apparent and what I didn't realize was that to me this was literally shattering my earth.

To him, somebody a lot more experience and with so much choice, I had no way to know what I meant to him.

So, the next Friday, it was the second night of his LA show at the Staples Centre. This time I couldn't have the car - which somehow magically showed up in my driveway the day after the party - and I didn't exactly feel like putting myself on the roads which were Los Angeles during a concert.

So, I took the train instead.

But it was like a train full of Haden Rand fans. It was strange. Looking around I found myself wondering where I fit into all of this.

Most of them normal, probably a bit younger than me. Some small, with their moms, discussing each other's marriage proposal signs and then Rand' relationship status.

"He has a girlfriend!" One little girl yelled to her sister.

"What are you...He and Tracey dated for like three months and then broke up five months ago. And anyway, it was never actually that serious." The older girl tried to ration it out.

I sighed, looking at the window and then searching the floor as if some clue is going to show up.

Yesterday seemed so surreal that I still couldn't fully wrap my head around all of it. Did I really, touch him?

First, I felt stupid and like maybe I should grow up. Then I felt reassured that I was not worse than any of them. Finally, I saw a pretty girl and started feeling jealous of every other girl he ever thought beautiful.

What was I?

I spaced out, looking out the window, and returned to reality when the train pulled in to the station.

Due to construction, which seemed to be perpetually in action, I wasn't exactly sure where I was going. I planned on following a mother with her two children wearing Rand t-shirts, but since she seemed just as lost as I felt, I just went along out of the station into the late afternoon sun.

Filling in behind everyone else, I was eager to get in past the booths set up of promotional drinks and radio stations offering an "Exclusive Chance for a one-on-one with the Heartthrob".

Oh God, maybe this wasn't such a great idea anyway.

Ticket in hand, I almost wanted to turn around and leave but I was so stuck in the crowd at that point that it would be near impossible. I was naturally pushed to the front, and when I reluctantly handed my ticket over to be scanned, I almost wished that it wouldn't but alas it did.

I wished I wasn't alone at least. Usually, I didn't mind it, it meant freedom. But freedom could be lonely too.

I really needed to pee, but it seemed that he line for the bathrooms was even longer than the line to get into the arena. So, I decided to go to a different level - I had floor tickets but figured if I went up a few floors to where the higher level seats were there would be less people and it would take me less time than having to wait in the gargantuan line.

Now the problem was figuring out how to get there. There seemed to be no elevators, but I did spot a door.

Opening it, I found myself at what seemed like a parking lot except for people, just cement ramps leading somewhere. I began walking up them and decided to skip a few floors. There were only two other girls, who were making their way back down form the opposing direction.

From passing, I overheard them saying "I can't believe it, after a 10-hour drive and they still didn't let us in...."

I didn't realize the bathrooms were going to be so populated.... I realized I was also alone on these ramps now and the only door that I eventually found was being held by a security guard. I really wasn't sure where I was and was ready to go back. But my need to pee was greater than my fear of authority at that point.

I walked up to the door nonchalantly, and reach for the handle, being stopped by the security guard. The four seemed the same as the one I exited.

"Isn't this the high-level seats?" I asked.

"Nice try. If I didn't let the others in why would I let you in?" The man reminded me of the cop said to me.

"But I really need to get in!" Euphemism for I really need to pee.

"Sure you do. No pass, no entry." He said firmly.

But I didn't budge.

"Okay," she said, lifting her walkie talkie to her face, "we have a code blue."

A what? I was confused, but seeing that his clearly wasn't where I was supposed to be and nobody wanted me here, I was about to turn away until, as if by some call of fate, the door was opened and it was none there than Bruce.

"Code blue, Bill?" He asked looking directly at him, not seeming to notice me.

'Bill' nodded towards me. It only took a moment for his face to shift to a more welcoming expression.

"Bruce!" I exclaimed, prompting Bill to be the one with the confused look now.

"My apologies," he turned to Bill, "she's with us." He actually winked at her, and then stepped back to give me a path into the door. Bill shrugged.

I followed Bruce inside to something that can only be described as creative chaos. People running around with clipboards and talking on cell phones, everyone seemed to have a goal that they were actively pursuing, and with passion.

"Excuse my thoughtlessness. Haden is inside, but you might have to wait until after the show. He's busy with pre-show rituals, you know how it is."

I looked around wide eyed, surprised at how easily Bruce took me in, as if I was supposed to be here all along, on my way to see Haden.

"But," he interjected as he leads me down the crazy hallway, "you are more than welcome to watch from the VIP section."

"Uh-huh" I nodded, unable to formulate too many chose to be thought. This was a bit overwhelming. All of this for him.

Then my second thought was how much I wanted it. Then my third thought was wondering what I wanted more, him or this, and whether I would ever have to choose.