S A R A

Ch 53

53

I don't know if it was the chemicals in my brain or the beat of the music coming through the stereo, but I was feeling placid. As if I was experiencing something that I knew should have been crazy, but I was experiencing it almost as if an outsider; as if I was watching one of my favorite European drama films.

So there I was, placid, and beside him.

"Are you on anything?" he asked me, also placidly.

"No," I grinned stupidly, staring at him. Though I think that everyone here was.

"So, everyone here is on something, probably. You must be tired?"

He doesn't even know.

I waved him off, "how long have you been here?"

"We're just here for the weekend show," he waved at his group of friends, some recognizing me and giving me head nods.

"No, I mean in the club," though every night I probably could have asked him how long has he been there and not here, with me.

"Oh," he laughs, oh God he's definitely on something "for a bit," he smiles lazily, and then adds "you came at the perfect time."

My heart skips a little.

-

So, the night blended in with the bass beats, but mostly I hung around him like a little, lost kitten.

I talked to some of his friends that I knew, some seemed a little confused and for some reason bitter? To see me there with him. Others, who nearly came on to me before, seemed friendlier. He also introduced me to some new faces. Shaking hands in a club felt like the strangest thing.

And then he pulled it out, his "drugs".

He and a few other people would pass around a water bottle and take pills.

At times he offered me some water, at times he asked for mine. Then he offered to refill mine.

I said yes, and in a moment of confusion, followed him down. Waiting outside the bathroom, trying to get some air, realizing we weren't quite alone.

He came out and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I smiled, then nodded towards the bathroom, "I'll see you up there."

As bad as I wanted to trust him, some deep part of me didn't, at least not yet. Not yet in the sense that after trusting, then not trusting, some things would probably have to happen for me to earn his trust back.

So I spilled the water out and refilled the water bottle with, well, as fresh as tap water can be.

I didin't mind that he was doing this, even if I didn't understand it. But I didn't have to.

I found him in the crowd again, as if by some magnetic force.

He suggested we go further forward to the DJ. We came up and lost a bit of his crowd, and I yelled in his ear about how good the sound system is.

Then the guy in front of us turned around and said, "first time, huh?"

Haden and I grinned at each other.

Then another guy tried a feeble attempt at getting close to me as if he was gonna come up and start grinding or something, but he didn't. Then he just came up in front of me and turned around, the opposite of where the whole crowd was facing, and just faced me.

Now Haden and I, trying to suppress our laughter, switched places.

There was a moment on the dance floor, I wasn't going to soon forget.