S A R A

Ch 29

29

The night of his premiere was probably star studded and glamorous.

This is how mine went.

———

The loud music blared against my ears and the flashing lights were making my brain feel like it was in a funhouse of mirrors. I crashed against the wall, and this no name man - he told me his, I only forgot it - crashing into me. This is what I chose over the premiere.

He has a new girlfriend. He found someone. He left his responsibilities for her, not for me, so I will leave him in my mind the way he did me.

The no name man kisses me, and it feels asymmetric and awkward. He puts his tongue down my throat, so deep that I feel I might choke.

How sad, him going through two girlfriends, meanwhile the whole time I am WASTING my time thinking he'd ever come back for ME.

"Do you want to go?" My new friend asks me, and I peer at him though my altered state of mind.

He left me.

I nod, "let me get my stuff," then I go up the stairs.

I'm going to leave him, harder than he could ever imagine.

As I stumble-ran up the stairs, I did not think, I only felt as if my feet were moving nearly involuntarily.

I got to my friend's bedroom and caught myself in the mirror. I paused, wondering what people see when they look at me. What did he see, what did my new friend see. Not in the way that there is nothing to see per se, but in the way that I want to know what it would be like to meet me.

Eventually, I dismiss the thought, searching for my coat. Upon finding it, I pull out my lipstick and write on Dixie's mirror, "I left, love you". This was her party, after all.

There, now I was ready.

When I got back on the dance-floor, the guy was still there. I was trying to remember his name, s-something, or was it an l? I wish I knew but I decided that now was not the time to ask. Come to think of it, I wondered if even he knew my name.

"Ready?" He asked me, grabbing my hand. I nodded and next thing I know we were outside and he was on the phone, talking to the taxi man. "Wait, I have to go back," he let go of my hand. Returning several moments later, still on the phone, he moved the cell and told me he lost his coat.

"Do you want to go back and find it ? Are you sure?" I was able to muster.

"Of course, lessgo," he took my hand again and led me into the taxi that appeared out of nowhere.

At this point, there was no turning back.

When we got into the taxi, we were surrounded by Bollywood music, that seemed to be even louder than the party were at. I looked at him and laughed, at the situation, at myself. He was actually kinda cute. But in the dark, I was being motivated by crazy thoughts.

Then, I was leaning the right side of my body onto him, into him. As we were passing by all the green lights and stop signs, he put his fingers in my mouth and I sucked on them.

This was going to be an interesting night.

I wondered about this boy, who he even was and who were his past lovers. Is he missing anyone the way I am, was.

Then we got to the apartment.

"You have roommates?" I asked as he was putting the key into the door.