S A R A

Ch 60

60

"Dude, what happened?" The friend from the car earlier, ran up to me outside and asked.

"I don't know," I said. Thinking I should cry or something, but I was feeling numb. "They think he overdosed..." I said chocking a bit.

"Shit, again?" He asked me.

"Again?" I asked back. "This has happened before?"

"Yea well, he's not proud of it. It was a long time ago," he said.

Just then the ambulance pulled up.

Things moved quickly then.

They got him inside, and the paramedic asked the bouncer if he was with anyone.

The bouncer, I now knew was named Steve, nodded towards me.

The paramedic, a skeptical looking woman, gave me a look that didn't inspire total confidence but then told me to get in, quickly.

I wondered about how many car rides could I take in one night.

Obviously not enough.

I tried not to look at him, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I took his hand in mine, looks like we were spending the night together after all. Just not how I imagined.

When we pulled into the hospital, I knew I shouldn't have been surprised to see Bruce standing there waiting for us, practically in the entryway.

I didn't know who told him, but I was glad he was here. A familiar face was always good.

Especially now.

"Bruce! You're here," I nearly hugged him.

"Sara," he nodded at me curtly.

I saw how serious he looked.

"Will he be okay?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know," he responded, arms crossed, following Haden being carried in with his eyes.

When even Bruce doesn't have the answer I knew there was a problem.

"All we can do is wait, now."

Waiting, waiting, always waiting for him.

It was all an absolute blur.

Bruce brought me a coffee in a paper cup, and sat beside me in the waiting area.

Around us there were a few tired faces, also waiting for somebody. But mostly the area was sparse.

We sat like that in the quiet for some time, staring at the floor.

"Has this happened before?" I finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Once," he responded, "but it was before my time working with him." I could tell Bruce wanted to be careful with his words.

"I'm not some media outlet, Bruce. This is actually important to know. Did you know he had a, problem?" Not quite sure myself how to put it. All I could think of was why.

He sighed and exhaled a large breath.

"To be quiet frank with you, it isn't none of my business. Am I concerned? Yes. Is it my place? I don't know."

All I could think to think of was why.

"But, didn't anyone try to help him?" I asked, bringing my eyes to meet his and feeling a strange sense of confusion. "Didn't anyone try stopping him, before it got to...this?" I looked around, the fluorescent overhead light making my head hurt.

"Did you?" Bruce asked, taking me slightly off guard. This was a new side of him, usually so together, I haven't seen before. "Look, Sara, it was never really a problem until recently. Sure, a few people have tried to intervene, but at the end of the day, its only him who can pull himself together. And he has, before. When he first met you, for example. He has to want it, more than he wants the other stuff."

Like I wanted him?

"So, what you're saying is that he is a ticking time bomb, a ribbon around a bomb?! No, I refuse to believe that." I said, trying to pull my own self together. "I just don't understand why," I added, more quietly.

Was it possible that the same feeling that drove me to him, drove him away to something else?

"Sometimes, the best thing we can do is acknowledge someone's dark side and make friends with it. Maybe the most important thing we can do is acknowledge our own. Accept it."

I realized then that it was all the same energy. As painful as it was, I could recognize myself in his words. I tried to think of what I know about it. Obsessions, compulsive behaviors, the need for some kind of release. The loss of control and the continuation regardless of the dire consequences.

Isn't that what happened to me, with him? And isn't it love - loving energy - that is capable of healing all wounds, in ourselves and others. Love that can dislodge this other energy, stuck in our minds.

Doesn't everything have two sides to it? The same enemy can also be an ally if we channel our energy on a higher level. With love, real love.

And weren't we all just looking for peace? And what lengths would we have to go to find it.

It felt as if I had lost any correct perception of time then. Waiting, there, not knowing what to expect.

It felt that at any moment my heart would burst at its seams, as if just a bit more and that's it. But minutes went by, just like the hours after and I was still there. I refused to go home. I needed to know.

This was something else now. And even if I wasn't sure what to expect on the other side of this, it felt superbly important to be there to meet it.

All of a sudden, the doctor came out and asked to speak with Bruce. I guess in terms of paperwork, he as the one who would know the most. Made me think of how much more I didn't know. Not that I couldn't learn.

I tried to judge by the doctor's face what to expect, but it seemed like it was just another day or night or whatever it was for him. Funny, for some people it's just a job to save the hearts of the ones we love.

I watched the doctor speak to Bruce on the side of the room. It was pretty short, and Bruce just kept nodding curtly.

Then they parted and Bruce came back to our seats.

"So?" I asked expectantly.

"He's fine. They had to pump his stomach. Said the blood level was dangerously close to what it shouldn't have been. He's gonna need to spend the day here, so they can monitor him." Bruce told me and I couldn't hide the relief in my eyes.

"And we can go see him now," he added.

I paused, feeling a little nervous. From the bad caffeine and lack of sleep after such a turbulent night out, I wasn't expecting to feel a 100%, but this was an additional layer of nerves that I didn't need and yet couldn't escape from anywhere.

"I think it'd be best if you went to see him first, alone." Bruce told me as if there were no more questions to be asked.

I took my leather jacket in my arms, but Bruce touched my arm lightly, stopping me.

"Leave it here," he said. "I'll be here if you need me."

I nodded, and looked at the doctor, waiting on the side to take me to him.