The morning show - how much longer

You need to look back to go forward

I didn't know what to say. This was the only good thing I've heard in weeks! I really needed this! I stood up and gave him a hug.
"I love you too" I said quietly.
"Alex, the last few years have been rough. We both needed some time on our own. I would've moved on by now if I didn't still love you." Jason explained.
"I'm so sorry for everything I did too you, too Lizzy and for what? My career just ended!" I said with a shaking voice.
"Would it really be that bad to just give it all up?" Jason asked.
"I worked so fucking hard to get where I am today, I'm not about to loose it because of everything!" I replied.
It took Jason some time to respond. "Alex, look what has become of your life. It hurts me to see you like this." Jason said with a soft voice.
"What do you suggest I do? Cause I could honestly use the advice" I responded.
"Tell the world the truth. I know you don't want too, but I don't think you have much of a choice. I don't think you can handle living like this for much longer." Jason explained.
I walked over to the kitchen to get myself a drink, Jason followed me. I grabbed a glass and filled it with Bourbon.
"Alex, what are you doing?" Jason asked with a confused look on his face.
"Don't expect me to open up while sober!" I replied before drinking the liquor.
Jason shook his head and took away my drink.
"Hey! If you want a drink just grab another glass!" I said.
"Okay fine, I'm sorry. It's just. I never told you the truth, and it's going to hurt!" I said.
Jason grabbed my hands.
"More than seeing you like this?" Jason responded.
I took a few deep breaths before opening up. I was about to dig up memories I spent years trying to bury.
"Okay.. uh.. Mitch and I slept together a few times.." I said.
Jason looked shocked.
"Oh please like you didn't already know." I added.
"Suspecting and actually hearing it are two different things." Jason replied.
"Oh god.. anyways. I couldn't always fully remember how it happened. Even when I was fully aware of what was happening I didn't stop him. Because he was Mitch fucking Kessler. A man who I trusted and loved! He used me, when I needed his support!" I said with a shaking voice.
When I looked at Jason I saw anger and pain in his eyes, I wasn't sure if he was angry towards me or towards Mitch.
I needed a minute before I could continue.
"Uh.. I remember one time in particular, it was just months before the allegation. Uh.. we were at his house, working on a story. He tried to kiss me, but I rejected. I was done with him doing this to me. Mitch was all like, what's the big deal and we did it before. Oh god.. uhm.. I remember trying to leave, but he grabbed my wrist. I looked into his eyes, those weren't his. They were demanding and..." I explained while starting to cry.
Jason wanted to give me a hug, but now was not the time!
"Don't toch me!" I snapped.
I took a deep breath before continuing.
"I told him to let go of me, but he wouldn't. He pushed me back down on the couch and got on top of me. I tried to fight him, but he was too strong. I cried my eyes out that night. He was my friend, I loved him! He even managed to make me feel like it was all my fault, that I deserved it!." I said while crying.
"I didn't fell of the fucking stairs, it was Mitch who bruised me up like that! That's why when we, I couldn't do it! I could still feel him on top of me. It was horrible. I made fun of the women on TMS just to hide my pain!! I lost my shit last Friday, because Mitch killed Hannah. Maybe you're right, maybe it is not that bad to just give up. Hannah is gone, and I'm still here! Empty as hell!!" I said with a shaking voice.
I grabbed my glass and poured in some more Bourbon to drink straight away.
"You know I got over it, it happened months ago! However a part of me was relieved when Mitch got fired. I didn't have to see him when I was having a bad day. The other part of me was afraid the truth would come out. I did not want to be recognized as one of Mitches victims, cause I'm not! Even after all of this I went back to him for comfort, hoping to find the man behind the beast. You know the man that uses to be my best friend. I'm just so angry with him!" I said while crying.
"Alex.." Jason tried to get a word in, but I was just trowing it all out.
"You know who leaked it to the times? Chip did! He said he did it so I wouldn't be fired, but I think he knew what Mitch had done. He protected me and I.. I just got him fired, to safe my own ass. Thats what a wonderful person I am!!" I added.
Jason walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch. I grabbed my glass and went after him. I sat down next to him laying my head on his chest.
"I'm just exhausted." I said.
Jason wrapped his hands around me.
"We'll get trough this, I promise. You are not alone. I'm here for you!" Jason responded.
We sat on the couch together for a while. It was already getting late so I wanted to go home, but Jason asked me to stay.

The next morning my alarm woke me up for work. I quickly turned it of, so Jason wouldn't wake up. I put my clothes back on and went to the studio. While I was in the car I decided to check out what the press had been saying about me. "Alex's affair with Mitch ended her marriage. Another breakdown. How much longer can Alex last?" Some of the headlines said. I also saw stories about Fred and the investigation, a few were about Mitch and one article was about Hannah. How can people care more about my relationship status, than Hannah's death?! It's pathetic and unbelievable.

I walked into the building and walked straight into Bradley.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" Bradley asked.
"Make it quick" I said.
"Well, I'm not sure if you already know, but Fred and Cory are trying to get rid of you." Bradley said.
I laughed. "Oh yeah, I know."
Bradley looked a little confused. "Oh.. okay uh.. anyways. I just wanted to let you know that I don't want to replace you, Cory is making me attend all those meetings and..." Bradley said before I interrupted her.
"Bradley, I don't fucking care. I'm not going anywhere!" I explained.
"I just want you to know that I'm so sorry about what happened yesterday, Cory put me off guard. I didn't mean to mention your daughter. I mean it." Bradley said before walking off.
I went to my dressing room to get ready.

Once we finished doing the show I went straight to Fred's old office, hoping to find Cory there. He probably wasted no time in getting settled there. I knocked on the door and walked in.
"Do you have a minute?" I asked with a demanding tone.
Daniël stood up and left the room, he was probably talking with Cory about being the new co-anchor. Daniël gave me an awkward smile before leaving the two of us alone.
Cory stood up from behind his desk and walked towards me, with his typical smirk.
"So.. to what do I owe the pleasure?" Cory asked.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I replied.
Cory acted a little surprised, but he knew what I was talking about.
"I know what the two of you are doing. First Fred threatens me, and so did you. Then you make me do a story about boarding school, cause you knew what was going on between me and Lizzy! You trow me under the bus, and I bet you kept the camera rolling on purpose!! I don't know what you two are planning to do, but I won't let it happen!" I added with a loud voice. "You're almost there, you forgot the part where I leaked your divorce to the press, you know just to spice things up a little." Cory replied.
I started to get angry with him.
"You did what?! You didn't have the right to do that!" I snapped back at him.
Cory took a few steps closer. He seemed to be annoyed with me as well.
"Listen Alex, no one gave you the right to ruin the show last week, or yesterday. But you did it anyway. You always want things your way, which makes you incredibly hard to work with.That's just one off the many reasons why we want to get rid of you. You used to be so full of energy an charismatic, but now. Now you are just a pathetic woman who can't except the fact that her career is over. In fact it ended years ago." Cory said a little agressieve.
I really needed to stay calm, he was working on my nerves. I was not planning on giving him some extra input for the "Alex lost her shit" stories.
"If I were you, I would just quit. Trust me it's going to spare you a lot of pain. It always was a mans club, and it will always be a mans club!" Cory snapped at me.
I took a step closer to him.
"You can't fire me, so I'm not backing down. Fuck you Cory, and fuck Fred. What he did was wrong, and that's his problem not mine!! What Mitch did was wrong, and you know what. That's aso is his fucking problem!" I yelled.
Cory started laughing. "Are you sure that what Mitch did is not your problem?"