Us Against the World

10

When Ben was thrown from the memory, I saw a tear fall down his cheek as he looked at me. I let the planet's gravity pull the lightsaber from my hand, feeling it drop into the snow beside me. My eyes were locked with him as his conflict rose, trying to convince himself the memory didn't change anything, that I needed to be killed before he could rise to power, that he was Kylo Ren.
"A thousand Jawa's, huh?" I smiled at him, feeling his sadness rise again. Ben raised his saber, letting more tears fall down his cheeks, his weapon not raised in anger. He wanted the pain inside him to stop, and the only way he was about to do that was to stop the thing causing him to feel the pain, the sadness, the regret. I felt the pull of darkness, the kind that brings you dreams or death. I fell into the snow, looking up. The last thing I saw was Rey, weilding a blue lightsaber, Luke's, stepping in front of me. Part of me wished she hadn't. I wanted to see if Ben would actually do it. Would he kill the only one he loved, the only one he would ever love.

I awoke. That was something I hadn't been expecting. I had thought that I was bound to die, my body dispersing into the force, my soul watching the war from a different angle. Instead I woke up. When I sat up, I noticed that my clothes had been changed to a short dress, a leather tunic for armour and some light trousers. My lightsaber was strapped to my belt. Then I felt the slow ache in my face, the feeling of the burn, the scar that I knew now ran across my cheek, over my nose and to the opposite side of my jaw.

"Glad to see you awake." I heard the voice of Leia straight away, and I felt tears coming to my eyes. She came and sat on the bed that I was on, arms wrapping around me immediately. I felt her grief, matching mine. She grieved for her husband and her son who still wasn't home. I grieved for the only father figure I had ever known and the love who still refused to admit who he was.
"I couldn't save him. I couldn't save him. I couldn't-" Leia shushed me, cutting off my sobs. She told me there was nothing more I could've done. We sat like that for a while, both of us used to seeking comfort in the other. She had told me she considered me her daughter in law on one of our late night talks, she considered me part of her family, and had since I first shuffled off the Falcon, hiding behind Chewie.

Then I remembered his face, his tears, his conflict. The look of Ben Solo regretted everything, even for a few seconds filled my brain. I pulled back from Leia, looking at her with a new look of hope that had piqued her curiosity.
"He's still in there, Leia. I know, with time, I can bring him home." Her face morphed from grief to joy at the mere thought of her son having a chance of returning. The son that she feared was lost, had been found. Ben Solo may be buried within a monster, but he was in there. He may be across the galaxy, but I knew that we were closer to him now that we had ever been.

"General, Master Lowla, your presence is needed urgently." C3P0's voice cut through our joy, causing us both to stand. We followed the droid to the central control room, seeing R2-D2 fully functioning and beeping at us in greeting. Our smiles widened, hope filling the room as more of the resistance filled the room.

As the map was completed in front of us, Leia gripped my hand, looking up at the information that would lead us to her brother. I felt Poe stand next to me, and I was glad that he was alive and well, leading the resistance fleet to victory once more. I turned my head to him, watching him gesture to my scar and then putting his thumb up, mouthing 'badass' to me. Clearly my new 'badass' scar had the pilot's approval.

Before I knew it, Rey and I were headed to the falcon, on our way to Luke Skywalker in an attempt to get him to join our fight, the fight he had avoided.
"Lowla, Rey." Leia called out and we stopped, turning to face the general. Leia was looking as regal as ever in her gown, her hair in two buns. I was glad her hair had never really turned grey, instead turning a lighter brown, as if her hair refused to age. "May the Force be with you."

With BB8 beeping his goodbyes, Rey sat in the pilot's seat of the falcon, me lying on the bed in the ship. We were on our way to Luke. The entire journey I was filled with nerves.Ben had shown me his memories from that night, made me watch what looked like my master trying to kill me. But I knew, there were always two sides to the story, and until I had heard every detail from Luke himself, until I had heard what he thought about, I wouldn't believe that was the full truth. I just wished Leia had come along, sensing that her presence may be able to calm her brother enough into hearing us out. By the time we had arrived, landing on the beach, I had made up my mind that Rey would go first. Knowing Luke, this wasn't going to go to plan, and it would be best if Rey, a stranger, went up instead of his apprentice whom he may or may not have tried to kill. Once out of the ship, I turned to Rey. "You go up first, I'll wait here." She went to protest, argue that she didn't think it was a good idea or that I was the one who knew Luke. "You'll understand why later." Accepting what I told her, she began to ascend up the large hill. I sat on a rock, away from the falcon and away from the others. Instead, I looked out to sea. I listened to the birds. I wished things were different. I wished everything was different, but this was the way it had gone. But, above everything else, I wished that Ben was by my side. If he was sitting beside me, then everything would be better. I would have someone's shoulder to lay my head on; someone's head resting on mine; and someone's love matching mine.